"Consume"

American Newspeak Word Collisions by Wayne Grytting

The explosion of wealth among the affluent led to a virtual renaissance of conspicuous consumption, status striving, and uniformed guards to keep out the unwashed. In biology it’s known as species differentiation. I think people underestimate the hard work it takes to become "rich" in the social sense. It takes concentrated practice to learn how to talk down to people who may be much smarter and talented. Guilt-free snobbery is not innate æ it’s an accomplishment. Fortunately, psychologists have rushed in to help affluent clients deal with "sudden-wealth syndrome," a discovery that has led, I’m told, to their own sudden-wealth syndrome.

Out of the Closet

While donations for charitable causes were stagnating, the sale of luxury goods took off beginning in the mid-nineties. Dan Phillips, editor of the Robb Report, stated that the "luxury industry is alive and well. It’s acceptable to be well off again." Conspicuous consumption has its ups and downs. Isaac Lagnado, publisher of The Tactical Retail Monitor, recalled that in "the 80’s there was a progressive buildup of wealth and the need to flaunt it." This primal need to display your BMWs does undergo periods of repression as occurred in the early 1990s when, reported Mr. Lagnado, with all the downsizing there was actually "embarrassment at flaunting prosperity." (Unbelievable but true.) Can’t you just picture wealthy grandparents describing the "hardships" they endured during those times, just as an earlier generation once spoke of having to walk miles through the snow to get to school. Fortunately, the shift of wealth to the already wealthy has, according to Cornell economist Robert Frank, "shifted the standards of acceptable consumption levels" æ America’s version of moral progress.

Communicating with Your Hired Help 101

The booming economy for the upper classes and the new availability of illegal immigrants have fueled a rebirth of household servants. Over 1.8 million people now work as housekeepers, cooks, nannies, gardeners, and chauffeurs in a field expanding at five times the rate of the overall job growth. Fortunately, a book appeared in the nick of time to help employers manage at least their Latino helpers. It’s entitled Household Spanish: How to Communicate With Your Spanish Employees and is written by William C. Harvey. This book is chockfull of Spanish phrases essential for good relations, phrases like "Bring the dustpan," "Please use soap," and "Don’t pour grease down the garbage disposal." You can learn how to ask prospective helpers whether they have been a bellhop, busboy, pool cleaner, or dishwasher. Then you can tell them about your career as an architect, doctor, or lawyer, etc. Among my favorite phrases are "How long are you planning to stay in the USA?" and "There’s so much to do." The author even provides helpful advice like this: "Commands are practical and easy to use, but don’t overuse them." So true. As an added bonus, the book provides the all-important phrase "You’re fired" ("Usted esta despedido"). Invaluable.

Pleasantville

According to the Community Associations Institute, an estimated ten million Americans live in what are called "master-planned" suburban communities. These have been designed around the needs of mobile, affluent families who want safe, tightly controlled environments filled with like-minded people. These suburban oases offer strict covenants that prohibit a whole range of "questionable" practices, creating restrictions almost as exciting as book bannings. In Houston’s "Woodlands" community, houses may be painted only in approved colors, garbage cans may not be visible, barbecue grills may not be located in the front yard (very tacky), garage sales are forbidden, and bug-zapper lights may not be placed more than six feet off the ground. Two residents, who mercifully will be left nameless, are quoted as defending this high level of conformity because it is there "to protect our own interests." (Particularly the bug-zapper light rule). And there is evidence these covenants work very well: 50% of the violations are reported by neighbors. Sorry, no statistics are available on the number of parents turned in by their children.
 
Top honors must go to the town of San Juan Capistrano in California. They’ve banned the display of clotheslines in their community. Once it was sexuality that our Puritan ethics forbade. Now it’s any reminders of our grandparents’ less affluent lifestyles. As a public service, here is my list of Cultural Artifacts Deserving Banishment By Any Self-respecting Upper Class Community: 1. Hand-powered lawnmowers, 2. Black-and-white televisions, 3. Manual garage doors, 4. Anything with a K-mart sticker, 5. Typewriters, 6. Jell-O, 7. Meatloaf, 8. Houses without visible servant entries.

Happy Endings

n California’s Orange County, communities have been addressing the more serious problem of children from households with modest stock portfolios invading wealthier enclaves under the guise of public education. For example, upscale residents of Coto de Caza fought the Capistrano School District over plans to locate a public school in their district. According to The Wall Street Journal, "homeowners said a public school threatened their private community." The happy "compromise": a K-3 school limited to the children of Coto de Caza residents. The real trendsetter may be Orange County’s Silver Creek Country Club. Faced with a similar intrusion of merely middle-class children, they found a developer willing to donate land to the local school district on the border of the community. The result: the construction of a Silver Oak Elementary School with two entrances, one for the "outside" children and one for the children of Silver Creek members (who quite naturally are accorded priority in admission).