Example:

I needed to find out if a certain store had sufficient varieties of corn (maize) seeds before making the trip.

"Do you have corn yet? ..."
"Let me check."
[This was followed by an immediate "click". About a minute went by as the kind clerk took the effort to find out.]
"Yes, we have corn."
[So now all I have is the preliminary information -- they carry seeds and they're in stock. But pretty much useless. What I needed to know was whether they had the untreated seeds and a sufficient selection.]
"But I wanted to ask whether you had 'treated', 'untreated' or both." [After a briefer interval, she said, "Both."]

The problem is that she was too quick on the phone (and I had not framed my questions in such a way as to avoid that.) If I said, "You never gave me a chance to ask my question. Here's what I need to know..." she would have considered that hostile. Regardless, she had to check a second time or perhaps lie to me, but at least I hadn't accused her of being too abrupt.

The idea was that I stated the same problem, which was that I needed more information than answered when the clerk abruptly put me on hold. By expressing the problem or request in first person, I avoided direct recriminations. The objection, if any, was indirect; nevertheless that was the clerk's problem and I would have been presumptuous in telling her how to handle a phone call.

Put a different way, consider:

1. "You didn't let me ask ..."
2. "I didn't get a chance to ask ..."
3. "I wanted to ask ..."

The first statement is more direct but tells the person that he/she didn't do something right. Here's a case where "direct" is confrontational. The second statement is better because it is less direct in its criticism, but still carries the implied statement that the other person didn't give you a chance. The third option only talks about the person's own desires.

The third option is in one sense least direct, but yet has some very direct aspects. It relates directly what the effect was ("I wanted to...").

The sales clerk of course can draw her own conclusions as to why you didn't ask the key question the first time. The real problem is that a telephone enquiry can sometimes be more complex than the caller's first question.

For my own part, I could have said, "I have questions about corn seeds." That way the clerk would have known there was more than the simple question.

But the point is that the first person or "I statement" was beneficial.

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This page first posted 18 Mar 04; rev 8 May 10 ~~ written in WordPerfect 5.1 and works best with ~~ copyright 2002 by Stan P.