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IN THIS ISSUE

• Kate Brookfield continues her story of a Taiwan adventure
• Gerrit de Leeuw forwards Alberta´s new driving rules
• Burke Dykes tells of a very effective lie detector
• Don Henderson sends a joke that women will appreciate
• Catherine Green forwards a story about a funeral stone
• Gerrit, Kate, and Nevil Horsfall suggest websites

Kate Brookfield continues her description of their

JOURNEY ALONG THE SOUTH-EAST COAST OF TAIWAN

Hualien is the biggest city in Eastern Taiwan. It is the base for tourists who come to the east to see the spectacular Taroko Gorge just north of the city. We came through the Taroko National Park area, but left seeing the Gorge until our return journey. The city is between the Pacific Ocean and the Central Range mountains. Before 1959, Hualien was isolated from western Taiwan because of the perilous conditions for crossing the Central Range, but the Cross- Island Highway was completed that year and since then the growth and population have steadily increased. It is famous for its marble, which is exported throughout the world. There is marble everywhere; the facades of the shops, the foyers of hotels, even the pavements have marble slabs. In the approach to the city there are many shops and workshops selling marble goods. Although beautiful to look at, marble goods are too heavy and too expensive for bringing back to Canada, so not the kind of souvenirs to interest us. Also, I read that the marble industry is damaging the environment with excessive mining and tourists are advised by the ecological warriors not to buy the souvenirs to discourage this practice. The same reasoning around the world applies to buying goods made from seashells.

I spent the first day exploring Hualien while Mike and Barry went rock hunting further down the coastal range. It was much hotter than in Taipei and I had to use my solar umbrella for shade from the sun instead of protection from rain. The walk to the downtown was through a park with the Meilun River below. The flower beds were beautiful and the shade from the trees was welcome. At the bottom of the hill was a large bridge leading into the city´s downtown area.

There were some very fancy department stores, but I have seen enough of them in Taipei. So I went down the narrow streets jam-packed with shops and stalls outside the shops. It reminded me of the souks in Marakesh. Flowers, fruits and vegetables, food stalls, and of course many shops selling clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, pottery, and of course, marble. I was mainly interested in watching the people, but I did not like all the scooters winding among the pedestrians, and what was worse, women, mainly, stopping at a stall and making purchases without even getting off their darned scooters or even turning off the engines.

After going back to the quiet and cool of our air-conditioned apartment for a short siesta, I resumed my exploration of the city. My plan was to go to the marble museum, but it was too far to walk, so decided to make for the harbour area. I can never get enough of the sight of the ocean. On the way, I saw a sign above an entrance to a garden area that read something about Peace and Light. I climbed the steps through the attractive garden to a large house that looked like an art gallery, but when I got inside discovered it was the centre for the outlawed Chinese group, the Falun Gong. There were paintings of scenes of torture and the history of the group with tributes to those who had been killed for their beliefs. One of the paintings was of some event in Ottawa, showing Parliament Hill. There was also a garden café with a fountain pool full of many different coloured fish. As it was high up, there was a great view of the city and the harbour area from this location.

The season for tourists had not started so it was relatively quiet in the seaside area and most of the tourist-type attractions such as the Ocean Park were closed. At the approach to the beach area was a large marble fountain with a huge marble ball held aloft and spinning in the jets of water. I must have walked over a mile along the footpath by the sea wall. The path was quite busy with cyclists and pedestrians. By this time my feet were starting to get sore with the heat and I could feel the start of blisters, so I headed back to the home stay for a nice cool shower and cold drink.

That night, we treated our new friends to dinner at a Chinese restaurant they recommended. This was the more usual Chinese meal at a round table with many different dishes set on the revolving plate in the middle of the table.

The next day we left Hualien to proceed further south along the coastal road. This stretch of highway between Hualien and Taitung is known as the Yuchang Highway. We enjoyed more breathtaking views of sea and mountains. We left the coastal road to take the Rueigang Highway to Rueisue in the valley between the central mountains and the coastal range. This longitudinal valley runs along a geological fault line and is prone to earthquakes. The last big one was in 1999. This area is much flatter and where most of the major crops for Taiwan are grown. Barry told us that a famous and special Taiwan rice is grown here and it is not for export. The rice fields stretched for miles on either side of the highway. There were other crops, of course, but rice was predominant and easily recognized.

Our accommodation was a hot springs hotel where Barry knew the owner as he had stopped here many times. In the grounds there were three marble pools of different sizes. They were all empty, but soon after we arrived, we were told the pools were ready. The two smaller pools had been filled with the hot spring water and we had a relaxing time wallowing in the heated water.

To be continued.

Gerrit de Leeuw, who probably encounters this traffic every day, sends these

NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN ALBERTA:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city´s names. They are: "CAL- GREE" and "ED-MIN-TIN".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday´s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On Deerfoot and Whitemud, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. We now have our own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in the suburbs, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It´s another offence that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day´s driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more construction starts every day.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Deerfoot, QEII, Hwy. 2, Calgary Trail, and Gateway Blvd. are all the same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you´ll be shot.

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur-lined mittens, and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle, and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.

ED. NOTE: That spring thaw should be happening anytime now, or sometime in June at the latest.

Burke Dykes sends a story that has been doing the rounds lately:

THE LIE DETECTOR

John was a salesman´s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife, Marsha, had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchase: it was a robot that he claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school. He was over two hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby´s house and watched a movie," said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you, son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can´t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Don Henderson writes: It may be contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true

FEMALE JOKE

I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will appreciate it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her (as all men will). Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I´ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.

"On one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man´s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."

(You go, girl!)

Catherine Green tells of an impressive

FUNERAL STONE

Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Sarah, turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I´m sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I´m sure you´re right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close."How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Sarah. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the synagogue. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"

"Two and a half carats."

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Gerrit de Leeuw sends this long but interesting site about a panda refuge:

http://www.theatlantic.com:80/slideshows/pandas/

Kate Brookfield says that this video takes about 30 minutes to watch, but is worth it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KfXlISY6L0

Nevil Horsfall suggests a site which shows a man who figured out how Stonehenge may have been built, and shows examples of his stone- moving theory:

http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/moving_big_rocks/

"The best measure of a man´s honesty isn´t his income tax return. It´s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." - Arthur C. Clarke