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IN THIS ISSUE

• Carolyn Harris finishes her article on blogging
• Doris Dignard describes a varied event for seniors
• Gerrit de Leeuw forwards a story about arthritis
• Kate Brookfield forwards conflicting definitions
• Shirley Conlon maintains that no-one believes seniors
• Tony Lewis sends a story of a waiter´s mistake
• Bruce Galway forwards some distressing puns
• Don Henderson recommends a challenging website

Carolyn Harris concludes her article on

BLOGGING

The three main parts of a blog are the header, sidebars, and posts. In the header, which you picked with your template, your blogs name and subtitle will appear every time anyone visits the site. Many free header templates are available. Find a theme that catches your eye, click, and a sample will show up. If you don´t like that one, try another. Wednesday´s Woman began as a blog about a woman fighting seasonal affective depression (SAD), so I picked a black and white theme with icicles. Traveling New Zealand has a travel theme.

The sidebar also loads every time your blog loads. A sidebar should at least have your bio and achievers - past posts. Wednesday´s Woman is very simple. The sidebars are down the left side. Type in your bio and upload a photo - your blog host will figure out what to do with the information. Previous posts are listed automatically, as are tags - labels used to help readers find special topics. Traveling New Zealand has sidebars down the right side. Put anything you want in sidebars, such as links to other blogs or your favorite books. I have a Kiwi/English dictionary in Traveling New Zealand. To start your blog, type a short bio and upload a photo of you, your antique car, a scanned greeting card, or anything that strikes your fancy. That photo will load every time. You can always edit the photo or bio later.

Posts take up about 75% of the screen. The most recent entry always appears at the top. Once you´re set up and ready to post, sign into your dashboard and click on New Post. A small screen similar to your word processor screen shows up. You can type right on the page, hit spell checker, then preview and see how it might look - sort of. Blogger saves automatically in case you hit the wrong key or you get thrown off line. This Save Draft feature also helps if you have a short attention span, or need to stop in the middle of posting and cook dinner. When you´re ready to resume your unfinished entry, log in and click Edit Posts. You´ll be working with rich text editing. In this WYSIWYG, or What you See is What You Get, you can add bold, italics, or add links with user-friendly buttons - not HTML. When you´ve clicked back and forth between posting and viewing screens and think you have what you want, hit Publish. Your post will be online. Even after it´s published, if you change your mind, just go back to Edit Post and try again. I find it easier to keep my posts in WordPerfect, copy and paste them into the blog post, then highlight to correct the font size.

There´s some strange looking icons across the top of the screen that aren´t on most word processors. You need to know about at least two: Photos and Links.

Photos. To upload a photo, most programs work the same. Click on the photo button along the top. On the new page, you will be asked if you want your photo small, medium, or large, and right or left of the text. Your next click will bring up a page that gives you the option to browse. Click on this button and you end up in your photo file. I usually move the photos I want to upload on my desktop so I don´t have to dig for them. Your photos should be in .jpg or a format the internet will accept. The screen will usually tell you the format they need. Once you find the photo you want, right click on the photo url address at the top of the page, then right click again and paste the url back on the page where you began your browse. Click upload, then done, or whatever your program tells you to do, and that´s it. Your photo is uploaded. You can upload more than one photo at a time, but you might stick with just one on your first try. Once your photos are on the page you can drag them around if you find a better spot in the text.

Links. If you want to link to another blog or web page, use a link. Type in anything that works. "Joe´s Site", if you´re linking to Uncle Joe´s blog or Joe´s fishing photos. Have Joe´s web or blog site where you can get to it without accidentally bouncing yourself offline. Highlight the words "Joe´s Site", then click the link button at the top of the page. Another window will pop up asking for the url. Right click copy and paste Joe´s url as you did for the photo. That´s it.

At first, I dragged my feet about blogging because I worried about strange comments. When you set up a blog, you´re given the choice of allowing comments. If you know it all and don´t want anybody telling you different, don´t allow comments. If you welcome comments, screen them. The blog host will send them to your e-mail, then you decide if you want them published or deleted.

Lyn´s Circle on the Seattle Post-Intelligencer,( http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/print.asp?entryID=146763) another blog on women´s issues, evolved out of Wednesday´s Woman. The format is managed by the Seattle PI. I choose my links, but all comments are unscreened and posted. Anything out of line, the Seattle PI handles. Lyn´s Circle doesn´t always stick to topic, and focus as I recommended. It´s a forum for all women.

Blogs are an easy way to express yourself and let others know what you care about, so why not try one? Blogs are simple and free. Free is always a good price.

ED. NOTE: The URLs for Carolyn´s blogs again:

Traveling New Zealand: http://travelingnewzealand.blogspot.com/

Wednesday´s Woman: http://wednesdayswoman.livejournal.com/

Lyn´s Circle: http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/print.asp?entryID=146763

Doris Dignard describes a challenging event for seniors:

ACTIFEST

I have just returned from spending three exciting days with approximately 1200 senior ladies and gentleman. Where was I? I was attending Actifest 2008 in London, Ontario.

I was the co-ordinator for a group of 22 people who were competing in nine events. These 22 people were the gold medal winners in nine events for District 16 (Scarborough) of the Ontario Senior Games Association (OSGA), and had earned the right to compete against the other 38 districts in Ontario. Our group was competing in golf, 5-pin bowling, shuffleboard, prediction walking, cribbage, darts, euchre, bid euchre and contract bridge. We didn´t have enough interest to proceed with lawn bowling, tennis, swimming, bocce, carpet bowling, horseshoes, or slo-pitch, so they were not offered. We also added a couple of games of our own, even if the winners were not eligible for Actifest. We feel that more involved seniors are with each other, the better off they will be. This year we added Scrabble and Texas hold´em (points only).

For the three days we were in London, we were housed in a student residence; actually it was a small apartment with separate bedrooms. We were fed in student cafeterias with many choices per meal. On the day of our arrival, each person was given an envelope that contained his or her agenda for the stay. This would give the time and location of each participant´s venue for their event. After supper we gathered at the auditorium for the march-past of district banners and the official opening of the games.

School buses were used to shuttle all of the participants to their games, as well as itinerant shuttles for co-ordinators to be able to see how their people were faring. On the second evening we had choices: a casino trip, double-decker bus tour, a tour of Labatts´, a patio gathering with music by a local trio, or a karaoke night at the Grad Club. On the final night we were bused to the London Convention Centre for a farewell banquet. The medals were presented at this time and then the official closing of the games. Our chartered bus left immediately and we arrived home in Scarborough about midnight.

It is the responsibility of our committee to find venues and co- ordinators for all of the games that we offer. We had approximately 400 seniors register to play this year. Many registered for more than one event so we had over 600 players in the nine events that we sponsored. We raise money to give awards to our winners as well as to pay for transportation to Actifest. Our first-, second- and third- place winners receive beautiful gold, silver and bronze medals that are presented at an awards luncheon. This year we had about 150 people at this affair. In an Actifest year, as this is, our gold medal winners were eligible to attend and try for medals at the provincial level. This year we took home a bronze in golf. We were 22 competitors in a field of 1200, so I´d say, "That´s pretty darn good!!"

Maybe a bit of background information would help here. The Older Adult Centres Association of Ontario (OACAO) initiated the concept of Ontario Senior Games in 1982, and in 1984 established an Ontario Senior Games Committee with the mandate to develop a format for district competition. In 1986 the first Actifest was held in Kitchener. The games were to be held every year at the district level with Ontario Games, Actifest, being held every other year in even- numbered years.

I have been bowling 5-pins for a number of years along with one of our members who was quite active on the district level of OSGA. It was through bowling and this gentleman that I became involved with District 16. In a short period of time I came to realize how good these games could be for senior people. They are not true sports competitions, as you would find in an Olympiad, but rather a series of mental and physical activities to keep seniors active.

The above-mentioned Actifest events are self-explanatory but I think that walking and swimming are just a bit different. Seniors often walk a lot so one of the events is walking (prediction). For ages 55 to 74, the walk is 3K, and for those 75 and over, the distance is 1.6 K. The contestants predict the time it will take to make this walk at the pace they set. They will walk this on day one and repeat the walk on the second day. The difference between the actual time and the prediction are recorded on both days and added together. The contestant with the lowest figure is the gold medal winner. There is no racing involved as you walk at the pace you have chosen. Swimming offers both racing and prediction.

I have recently discovered there is another group at the national level, Canada Senior Games Association. Hmmm, I think I´ll go and check that one out.

Gerrit de Leeuw sends this one about

ARTHRITIS

A drunk man who smelled of liquor sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man´s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My son, it´s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and a lack of baths."

"Well, I´ll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I´m very sorry. I didn´t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don´t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Kate Brookfield sends these definitions:

EIGHT WORDS WITH TWO MEANINGS

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female ... Any part under a car´s hood.
Male ... The strap fastener on a woman´s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female ... Fully opening up one´s self emotionally to another.
Male ... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female ... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one´s partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female ... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male .... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female ... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male .... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female ... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male ... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female ... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male ... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female ... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every five
minutes.

Shirley Conlon sends this one:

NO-ONE BELIEVES SENIORS - EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE SENILE

An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. They had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they´d shared where Andy had carved, "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at theirfeet. Sally picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. She counted the money - fifty thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We´ve got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in the attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She´s lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don´t believe him, he´s getting senile."

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...."

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We´re outta here."

Tony Lewis forwards this story about

CHICKEN SURPRISE

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "chicken surprise."

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn´t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken surprise."

"Ah! So solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

Bruce Galway sends these ghastly puns:

THE VAN GOGH FAMILY TREE

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stopn Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh

His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin´s American half brothe, Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh

His Italian uncle, Day Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh

SUGGESTED WEBSITE

Don Henderson sends this one for when you are tired of playing Freecell:

http://www.bassfiles.net/parachute.swf

You may also read this newsletter online at http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/ and http://nw-seniors.org/stories.html

It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion. - Anatole France