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IN THIS ISSUE

• Irene Harvalias pays tribute to a faithful friend
• Jean Sterling and Tom Kyle send letters
• Gerrit de Leuuw forwards a handy shop tool directory
• Shirley Conlon explains the attraction of leather dresses
• Bill McNair shares diary extracts from a dog and a cat
• Kate Brookfield and Bill Murphy forward interesting websites

Irene Harvalias writes about her loyal friend and companion:

BEN

This afternoon at two o´clock I had to say goodbye to a very good friend. His name was Ben. He had beautiful brown eyes that were growing milky with cataracts, and his hearing was totally gone. His teeth were bad, and for the last four days he had become incontinent, and he wasn´t eating too well either.

I first met Ben on the 25th of March, 2003. I still lived on Mayne Island, and I had gone to Victoria to do some chores, and I was bound and determined that I would come back with a dog. I wanted a small dog, and they weren´t easy to come by. I went to the SPCA and they told me that they didn´t have any small dogs, and I couldn´t look at their dogs right then anyhow because viewing hours were after ten, but I could fill out a form and they would let me know if and when a small dog became available.

I did my chores, and on the way back to the ferry I decided to have a look at an animal shelter that´s on the highway. I went in, and they had this absolutely gorgeous white German Shepherd that I was hard pressed not to adopt on the spot, but ... I still wanted a small dog. I talked to the girl there, who already knew me because I had stopped there many times looking for a small dog, and she suggested I should go to the SPCA.

I told her about my earlier trip there and that they didn´t have any small dogs. She stopped and thought for a minute and said, "Let me make a phone call." She called, and came back to me and said, "There´s a Sheltie there that they got two days ago, and you can have him NOW if you want."

I explained that I was on my way to the ferry and would be back on the Friday, and she said that if I wanted the dog, I should go right then, because dogs like that weren´t seen very often. So back I went, all the way into Victoria and the SPCA. They took me into the viewing area and there was this absolutely terrified little Sheltie among the pit bulls and Rotweillers that were barking at the top of their lungs, and this poor little thing was trembling from head to toe.

They took him out and brought him into a smaller room, and the look in his eyes was heartbreaking - I had to take him home with me right then and there. They told me he was a senior dog, somewhere between eight and ten, and his name was Guinness. So I paid my money and ran to the car, and on to Bosley´s to buy some food and a leash and collar, and hightailed it to the ferry. The dog was sitting quietly, still shaking, in the back of the car, and we made it to the ferry line-up with about ten minutes to spare. I stayed with him in the car and we got home and I brought him in the house.

They´d told me he hadn´t eaten for about two days because he was really traumatized, and I shouldn´t be upset if he didn´t eat for the first couple of days, so I gave him a bowl of kibble and some water and left him there ... and he scarfed it down in no time at all!

That night, I had a play rehearsal with the little theatre group to which I belonged, so I took him in the car and left him waiting for me there. When the rehearsal was over, we came back home and I sat on the couch and patted the place next to me. He jumped up, looked at me, and put his head on my lap and gave my hand a kiss - and it was love for both of us right then and there.

A couple of days later, I took him to the island vet to have him checked over and she asked what his name was. I hadn´t liked Guinness - it just didn´t seem to suit him - but I couldn´t come up with a decent name for him. As the vet was touching him all over she kept saying what a nice boy he was, and how gentle he was, so I thought of Gentle Ben - and I told her that his name was Ben.

When my youngest granddaughter, who loves all animals, heard that grandma had a new dog, she begged her daddy to bring her to the island, and she played with Ben all weekend, calling him to her constantly, and by the time they left, Ben knew his new name!

Ben and I lived happily on Mayne for the next three years, and then I sold my house and moved back to the Vancouver area. I bought a condo in a complex that accepted pets, and Ben and I lived happily until four days ago. By this time, he was about sixteen years old, and when I took him to the vet and he told me that there were so many things wrong with him, I knew the time had come when I had to let him go.

So today I took him back, put him up on the table, and the doctor gave him his injection. For about three seconds he sat, then he lay down, then he was gone....

I´m going to miss Ben. He was a good and loyal friend, and I´m going to be lonely without him, but I am so thankful that he and I found each other in our old age. I hope I gave him a good life for the last five and a half years. He was my constant companion, and now I´ll have nobody to take me for a walk ... but in my heart I know I did the right thing for HIM.

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling comments on the last week´s list of top country and western songs: I remember I´ve Got Tears in My Ears! Here are two others I´ve heard over the years (hard to believe, but these too are for real): "All my Exes Change their Sexes"; and one about some dude who climbed up Barstool Mountain every night because he got his heart broken. Here are the lyrics for "Barstool Mountain":

I´ve finally found a place where I can take it,
all this loneliness you left behind.
On a mountain that´s no hill for a climber.
Just one step up, sit back and pour the wine.

Chorus

I climb up on barstool mountain
High above your world where there´s no pain.
And I´m the king of barstool mountain,
Pretending I don´t love you once again.

At closing time I step down off the mountain.
I´m strong enough to make it without you.
I know that I´ll be right back here tomorrow,
Too weak to sober up and face the truth.

Chorus

And here is the link to hear this masterpiece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3SQj-vg6DE

~~~~~~~~~

Tom Kyle writes: I just wanted to write and let you know how much I have enjoyed your "Spinner" over these many years!

Your latest issue has special notes at which I laughed loudly, so I had to compliment you on your stamina and perseverance in maintaining the newsletter as you do. Experience tells me how difficult that can be.

Thank you for doing it ... and thanks to your many friends for their supporting stories.

Gerrit de Leeuw forwards this information for women, to give them additional insights into the Male Mind:

SHOP TOOL DIRECTORY

For those of you who don´t know what tool is best for doing a certain task ... here´s your cheat sheet!

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly- painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh....!"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes, thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies,to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC´S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. Can change skin colour to red very quickly.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need .

Shirley Conlon forwards the answer to the question

WHY DO MEN REACT TO A WOMAN IN A LEATHER DRESS?

When a woman wears a leather dress, a man´s heart beats faster, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

Because she smells like a new truck

Bill McNair sends this post, which we have seen before but is still funny:

DIARIES

Excerpts from a Dog´s Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat´s Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now....

RECOMMENDED WEBSITES

HABITAT FOR HUMANITY

Kate Brookfield forwards the URL for a newspaper story about Dave and Stefanie Munford, Bill Murphy´s son-in-law and granddaughter, who recently worked in a Habitat project in India:

http://www.niagarathisweek.com/news/communities/Grimsby/article/203514

Bill sent the URL for pictures of the event in his online album:

http://picasaweb.google.com/pearlworm/2008India#

SHREDDING

You may someday find yourself confronted by the daunting task of shredding outdated and unwanted material, either for yourself or someone else. Scambusters offered some tips for simplifying the task in their latest newsletter:

http://www.scambusters.org/shredding.html

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. - Stanislaw Lec