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IN THIS ISSUE

• Kate Brookfield begins her comparison of Taiwan with Canada
• Jean Sterling and Stan French comment on items in last week´s issue
• Jack Peaker sends a conversation between two new arrivals in heaven
• Marilyn Magid forwards some chuckles
• Gerrit de Leeuw shares the story of Ole, Sven, and Sears catalogue
• Zvonko Springer forwards a story of succinct Irish answers
• Keith Elliott suggests a way to achieve immortality
• Kate sends the URL for more opinions of Taiwan
• Jay forwards a site with some startling statistics

Kate Brookfield begins her impressions of

LIVING IN TAIWAN COMPARED WITH LIFE IN CANADA

After a return trip to Canada for seven weeks this summer and now back in Taiwan, I am noticing some of the striking differences between my life here and at home. It is not so much the difference between the two cultures and countries as the difference in how I fill my days. My trip home was mainly to visit family, and especially to see our new grandson, who was born weeks after we arrived in Taiwan. I was busy every day meeting friends and family and friends of family. I couldn´t live without my diary constantly open and checking my schedule and making sure I got to see everybody. I realized how important friends are, and how good it is to meet and chat with people who care about you. But I was so busy, I hardly had time just for me. I realized that this is typical life for me in Canada.

In Taiwan, I have lots of time and hardly need to look at my appointment diary. I am a visitor here; I don´t know the language so it is harder for me to communicate with people. Although there are many more people here and it is hard to be alone in a public space, it is difficult to make close friends. I am in a reverse situation, where the people, although courteous and eager to help "foreigners," are all so busy nobody has much time. I think people work longer hours for less pay than back home. But when work finishes in the evenings and at weekends, people are everywhere; the streets are full of pedestrians and the shops and pavement stalls are doing a roaring business. I am reminded of my childhood in England, before everybody got cars, when downtown on Saturdays and the public park on Sundays were places to meet people actually walking on two legs!

In Canada, it seemed so quiet in the streets at night. People stay at home or entertain privately, but there is little mingling with the community at large. I suppose shopping malls are the modern equivalent. Canada Day in Ottawa was an exception. Everybody was out in droves celebrating the joy of being Canadian. It was great fun and I enjoyed being part of such a happy crowd. Perhaps there is truth in the idea of safety in numbers. Would crime in our cities be less if there was more public activity, or would it be worse? Hard to say.

One of the main differences I notice is in public transport. Canada is a bigger country with a higher population than the island of Taiwan, but the population distribution is less dense. This means "people moving" in Taiwan is a problem that they seem to pay more attention to than we do in Canada. Maybe another aspect is that there are more people in Taiwan who have to use public transport. In Canada most people depend on private cars and those who must use public transport, predominantly the elderly, impoverished, and disabled, are not given high priority. I am interested in current movements in Canada to increase facilities for pedestrians and to encourage more use of public transport to cut down on pollution. The high gas prices since I left are probably going to make Canada do more about decent affordable public transport.

I found travelling in Canada by public transport to be difficult and inconvenient. I had to fly from Calgary to Ottawa at great expense, and then use VIA rail from Ottawa to Guelph. If I had not been picked up at the station in a private car, it would have been a long walk from the railway terminal to the bus stop. In both cases, I had to book and pay well in advance, whereas in Taiwan on the day of travel, I just go to the station and buy a ticket and get on a train. And there is always a bus stop at the railway station. Also Taiwan has high-speed trains and I don´t believe Canada has any. The train from Ottawa to Toronto was not fast, and then I had a two-hour wait in a draughty hall with hardly any seating to wait for the train to Guelph.

The bus service in Taiwan is excellent, although it is not easy for visitors to follow the bus routes and the drivers do not speak English. It has taken me over six months to learn which buses to take, so it is not very good for short-term visitors. The state of some of the buses is a bit questionable; they seem to keep using them until they drop to pieces. They have no suspension and the younger drivers seem to be unable to use a manual clutch, so the buses jerk and jolt you to your destination. There are handles and bars the full length of the bus and you are warned to use them. If you don´t, you could be thrown the length of the bus when it starts and stops. But there are plenty of buses in all districts and I have never had to wait longer than 10 minutes for a bus.

Bright yellow taxis are everywhere and whenever they see a foreigner, the drivers stop, assuming you need a ride. But they do not speak English either. For buses and taxis it is best to have your destination written in Chinese. I made business cards with my address in Chinese and always carry them so I can always get home. Bus and taxi fares are reasonable. Taxi fares are metered and there is no need to barter, as in some countries, although the rate goes up at night and on holidays.

The rail system is based on the British system and again, it is well used and there are plenty of trains. Again, I am reminded of my youth, except that the trains are clean, and not steam, of course! The trains, incidentally, travel on the right, but the road transport is the American style on the left. Getting out of Taipei to see other cities and places of interest is relatively easy. We still hope to explore more of the island, especially the mountain area in the centre of the island. We had a trip planned for last week, but the typhoon washed out the roads and it had to be cancelled. I will leave special trips for future stories ... if I get around to it.

In Taiwan, people do have private cars, but the main private transport is the ubiquitous scooter - very few motor bikes. The scooter drivers seem to do what they like and you can be walking on a sidewalk when suddenly a scooter will come rushing past you on the sidewalk. They park the scooters in huge numbers on the sidewalks, too, so you have to keep walking on the road to get around them! I have not seen any motorized wheelchairs. The elderly are pushed in the old-fashioned wheelchair by younger family members.

In Canada, traffic gives way to pedestrians, but not in Taiwan! They have the right turn on a red light, and after waiting an age in the blazing sun for the traffic lights to change, cars, mainly those yellow taxi cabs, continue to come at you at great speeds while you are on the crosswalk and it advisable to give way to them. You really have to keep your wits about you and watch the traffic.

Next week Taiwan is having a "Car Free Day". I´m not sure if that also includes scooters, but I think not. I guess there will be more than ever on that day!

Because we are in the capital city of Taipei, we have the benefit of an excellent metro system, known as the MRT, which stands for Mass Rapid Transport. These metro trains cover the city area and run extremely efficiently. They have posters boasting that they have received the award for the last five years for the world´s best-run metro system. Fares on both buses and MRT are very reasonable and most people buy a card, which can be used on both. It is a magnetized card that just has to be held against a box on entering and leaving the metro station or the bus. The box reads the card and takes the amount of money for the journey. The card can be read through a wallet or purse so you don´t have to touch it, and it is much more hygienic than handling money. More money can be added to the card at machines at the MRT station or at any of the 7-11 stores that can be found on almost every block.

The trains and buses are clean because they have a strict rule of no eating, drinking, or chewing gum or betel nut in the transit system. A friend in my Chinese classes told me that she was chewing gum on the MRT and somebody came up to her and put her name and address in his book. She was told the next time she would be fined 1,000 NT. (There are 30 NT to the Canadian dollar).

To be concluded.

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling comments on Howard Ayer´s note about a western song: ... I tried to google "All my ex´s change their sexes", but all I got was "All my ex´s live in Texas" - perhaps it was a parody?

ED. NOTE: I´m sure you are right. I couldn´t find that version either, but there were many references to those who live in Texas.

Jean writes: It probably was a parody. I remember hearing it on a local radio station many many years ago and thinking it was hilarious. I have never heard the one about Texas.

Stan French writes: I wanted to let you know "Three Cups of Tea" is on hold for me. The book has 408 holds. I also have the talking book, 12 CDs, on hold and there is less demand for that, but fewer copies. I´m 37th in line.

ED. NOTE: I saw the book advertised on the front page of the New York Times today, so it is little wonder that it is a best seller - as it deserves to be.

Jack Peaker sends the sad story of

TWO WOMEN TALKING IN HEAVEN

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I´m Sylvia. How´d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn´t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn´t look in the freezer ... we´d both still be alive.

Molly Magid shares a selection of

CHUCKLES FOR MATURE PEOPLE

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.

There are two times when a man doesn´t understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.

Why are hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they´re wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job."Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?""Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I´ve been divorced three times."

An old man goes to the wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check- out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn´t it be great if that happened more often?

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we´re both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they´ve passed.

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry´s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I´m going crazy. What do you think I should do?""Relax," says the doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry´s bar?"

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said."Of course, John," his wife said softly."Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob.""But I thought you hated Bob," she said.With his last breath John said, "I do!"

Gerrit de Leeuw forwards the tale of

OLE, SVEN, AND THE SEARS CATALOGUE

Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.

Ole says to the Sven, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"

Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow! They aren´t very expensive. At this price, I´m buying one."

Sven smiles and pats him on the back. "Good idea! Order one and if she´s as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?"

Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn´t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

Zvonko Springer forwards this one:

THE DONATION

Father O´Malley answers the phone.

"Hello, is this Father O´Malley?"

"It is!"

"This is the Tax Department. Can you help us?"

"I can!"

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do!"

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is!"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will."

Keith Elliott sends this helpful story:

HOW TO GET A BUILDING NAMED AFTER YOU

An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic.

He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally, he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author.

"No," his friend said, "It´s named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia."

"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A cheque."

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Kate Brookfield writes: I was searching for the Natural History Museum in Taipei when I came across this site, which has impressions of Taiwan by people who have lived here or visited:

http://www.epinions.com/trvl-Dest-Asia-Taiwan-Taipei/display_~reviews

Jay forwards this URL for another look at contrasts:

http://www.miniature-earth.com/me_english.htm

You may also read this newsletter online at http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/ or http://nw-seniors.org/stories.html

We are a whole culture addicted to the idea of romantic love, an emotion which starts off with feeling as if you have to throw up all the time - and that´s the good part. - Jeanie Read