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IN THIS ISSUE

• Louise Kruithof is back in China and sends her first dispatch
• We get letters from Dixie Augusteijn, Dick Monaghan, and Pat Moore
• Dick Monaghan just does not understand the female perspective
• Tom Telfer forwards a poem about successive class reunions
• Pat Moore sends another Marian chronicle
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Gerrit de Leeuw and Zvonko Springer

Louise Kruithof writes again from

CHINA

We finally got to leave for Xining, Qinhai province, People´s Republic of China, after months and months of postponements.

We had just come back from vacation. What a vacation that was! It rained every single day we were at camp in northern Ontario and the bugs were incredible. Mosquitoes and black flies: they love me all the time but more so in damp weather. It was a restful time notwithstanding. Listening to the rain has a calming effect, particularly when one is protected from the bugs within a screened porch. Hearing birds and watching the wildlife running around is also quite restful. Gophers, rabbits, partridges, chipmunks, and birds aplenty make for a beautiful environment.

We arrived home on Tuesday evening and were told on Wednesday morning that our tickets had been bought for the plane leaving at 3:00 p.m. on Friday. That meant two days to get the house ready for a long absence and packing for summer and fall weather as we were leaving for three months.

I must admit that my packing this time was not stellar. As a rule, I am a packing guru, but not this time. I left behind apparel which is very useful (like a pair of dressy shoes for when we are invited to join an official group), and a slightly heavier coat for the cooler September evenings. I packed electronic stuff, wires and chargers particularly, but left the apparatus behind. My husband´s camera is the most glaring item left behind, but we have the extra battery and charger for it. What a start! I blame it on the lack of sleep for the three days previous to leaving.

On arrival at the airport, we went to the check-in counter and asked for upgrades to the business class section of the plane. My husband is tall and the leg room of the seats in an airplane is just not there for him. We were told that our names were on the waiting list and to ask at the boarding counter.

We enjoyed the Maple Leaf Lounge at Pearson Airport: it is much quieter than the rest of the waiting areas and they offer complimentary light lunches and drinks to their patrons.

A few minutes prior to the official boarding time we ambled to the boarding gate and as soon as someone started getting things ready for boarding the passengers, I went to the counter and again asked if we could get upgraded. Marvel of marvels, we did get the upgrades with the coupons we had. That meant a seat that becomes a bed (catching up on sleep), the food served is of much better quality than in the coach area, and this ´gourmet´ food comes served on china and with real cutlery. That made the journey much more enjoyable.

Once in Beijing, we were met by someone to take us to a hotel we didn´t know existed. The reservations had been made by someone at my husband´s place of work. Before leaving the airport we checked the big pieces of luggage to be picked up next morning, kept an overnight bag, and waited outside about half an hour in 31-degree temperature and a very muggy day while someone from the hotel kept calling for a vehicle to pick us up. It started raining while we were waiting for this vehicle to come.

After a 10-minute ride, we arrived at the hotel, located close to the airport so we would not have to get up too early to be back at the airport by 8:00 next morning to check in for the next flight. We were assigned the "super luxurious suite" of the hotel. Registration completed, we turned around to get the two computer bags and the overnight bag and expected to get to an elevator. No such luck! We had to climb four flights of stairs, lugging the luggage, to get to the "luxurious suite". Two gentlemen came with us to open the door, but not to help with the luggage!

We walked into this "luxurious suite" with the gentlemen, who then proceeded to close the windows (remember: 31 degrees and very humid) and start the air conditioning unit. Well, it did not want to start, so we were invited to proceed to the next "luxurious suite" where the air conditioning unit co-operated. What made this the "luxurious suite"? you ask. There was one regular-size double bed, one stand with television on it, which started blaring as soon as the card was inserted to get the electricity working. What else? you ask. A desk with a hassock to sit on. What else? Well, nothing at all! Not even a comfortable chair to rest in for a few minutes. "Luxurious"? you say. Then I used the toilet and when a few minutes later my husband went to use it, it did not flush. No water was getting into the tank. Very tired after our long flight, we thought we would go and have a decent supper of sorts, went downstairs, let the desk know about the problem with the toilet, where we were told it would be taken care of immediately, and left.

It turned out that supper was not much of anything but better than nothing. Back to the hotel, up the four flights of stairs, the toilet still not working. Back down the stairs (who needs to go to the gym?) and we were told that someone would be there immediately. We waited, and waited, and waited, and over an hour later, my husband went back downstairs and finally someone showed up with ... a shower head and attachment hose in his hand ... to repair the toilet. Earlier, we had solved the problem with the toilet by using the shower head in the bathtub to fill up the tank. Emergency measure, but it worked.

The "luxurious suite" came with free internet access so I got my computer out and hooked up to the cable located beside the headboard, because everyone uses the bed to work at the computer, you know! Well, it did not work, so the computer went back into its bag.

We were both so tired that bedtime was it! It was 9:00 o´clock and trying to get some rest seemed like the thing to do. That was also when the party started across the street at an open-air restaurant and a plane flew overhead on its way to landing at the airport. Within 10 minutes of the airport, the website said. Every 20 to 30 minutes there was a plane coming in to land, following a path parallel and only a few hundred feet above the street we were on and that went on all night.

Wakeup call was scheduled for 5:30 Sunday morning so we would be at the airport by 6:00 a.m. for check-in. I am not an early-morning person, but by the time the wakeup call came, I had already had a shower, packed everything, and was ready to leave the "luxurious suite". In the process of taking a shower, with no curtains to contain the spray of water, I managed to break the shower head away from the hose bringing the water to it. I was trying to angle it so water would not splash everywhere on the floor of the bathroom. That was when the light came on as to why the young man who came to fix the toilet the previous evening had walked in with a whole shower head assembly: it was not the first time it had happened. Rigid plastic is not very good at sustaining twists and turns.

Back to the airport, we again tried for upgrades to the tickets to get leg room for hubby. It is quite affordable in China and it gives more leg room. We got them, flew to Xining, where we were greeted at the airport by a very nice man who was happy to see my husband. As soon as we had retrieved the luggage, he lead us to a vehicle which had come to pick us up and to the city of Xining we went.

CORRESPONDENCE

Dixie Augusteijn writes:

Yesterday, with my daughter and her husband, Chris, I had my birthday treat - a visit to the Bata shoe museum and high tea at the Windsor Arms - a success on both counts.

When we had an apartment in the city, we were only a few blocks from the museum but just because it was so near, even with the best of intentions, we but never got there. It is well worth several visits as there is so much to grasp. In a beautiful building designed by Moriyama, it is well set up and begins with molds of the first footsteps found in Africa by the Leakeys. These led to man walking upright and then to the necessity of shoes. It goes through the evolution of shoes in different countries and in many cases shows in great detail just how they were made. Some of the beading by our First Nations intrigued me, particularly that which was bound over horse hair. When you think of the work being done by light of the fire and with such tiny beads, it boggles the mind.

We spent the morning at the museum, then went to the Windsor Arms for a gorgeous high tea, then back to the museum, staying until it closed. It is a real addition to Toronto´s museums and also outstanding architecture.

I had my first glimpse of the new addition to the Royal Ontario Museum and after the first startled look, decided I liked it, especially the area curved in from Bloor street for seating - it makes it more inviting.

And all this reminds me of my birthday nearly ten years ago when the Spinners came to celebrate. What a lovely surprise it was!

I thought I had lost the Spinners as for many months it was going directly into the recycling file - I don´t know why, but it was also a lovely birthday present to find it again - we were together for so many years. I think I was one of the first contributors, and there are not many of us left.

For the last five years I have been in a retirement home in Orangeville. My daughter and son-in-law sold their home in Caledon and are going to live on a boat, now based in Virginia. They are here now but will soon be leaving. The grandchildren are also scattered. The oldest is in London with three children; the middle one in Afghanistan, where she took a job with AREU (you can look it up on the Internet) after getting her PhD - which I was able to attend, and was very proud of her. The youngest is getting her Masters in biology in B.C. this summer, researching why the butterflies are disappearing and - I am not kidding - the disappearance of the jumping slug.

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Dick Monaghan writes: If there´s anyone in all of Canada who thinks we have a better health care system in the U.S., I give you the following without comment or embellishment:

Doctor: "What can I do for you today?"

Me: "You wrote me a letter asking me to come in so you could adjust my medications."

Doctor: "Did I?"

Me: "Yes."

Doctor: "When did I do that?"

Me: "About a week ago."

Doctor: (looking at file) "So I did!"

Lesson to be learned: Never assume the doctor has read your file before you meet with him or her. There may be something of interest in it.

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A friend of Pat Moore´s had been planning a trip to the US. He wrote: I did not go on my planned trip. My family felt that I should get health insurance, so I applied though the CAA, and what a nightmare!

I was on the phone to the agent for an hour or so and finally got a quote of $1200 for 10 days, with a warning that it I had omitted any pre-existing health problems - even minor - my policy would be null and void.

ED. NOTE: The last time I ventured over the border, into Vermont, I took out health insurance. It cost me $100 a day for four days because "I was over 80 and took two pills a day." I´ll not be going over that border again!

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For more on the dangers of over-prescription of drugs written about by Verda Cook, go to this site:

http://arunaurl.com/34be

Dick Monaghan writes about

HOUSECLEANING

I awoke to a morning sunny with promise: this was the day the newly- hired cleaning ladies were coming and I thought this would free us for whatever we wanted to do. Ha!

"Hey, Sass!" I said to my wife (she´s had that nickname for more than 80 years), "Let´s go to the bookstore, read and drink coffee while the cleaning ladies do their thing...."

"They´re coming today?" she wailed. She sprang - sort of - out of bed. "Quick!" she urged, "We´ve got to get to work!"

"Doing what?"

"We´ve got to make the bed, sweep the floor, pick up the newspapers, put away dishes...."

"Isn´t that what we hired them to do?"

She flounced - sort of - away, not bothering to answer such idiocy. (Past 80, "sort of" is as close as you get to springing and flouncing.)

An hour later, although not entirely satisfied with the results of our labors, she relented and we left.

"Now then," I said as we settled down with our books and coffee, "why are we paying people to clean and then spending an hour doing it ourselves?"

Her eyes widened in disgust. "You don´t want them to think we´re messy housekeepers, do you?" I got "the look" briefly as she returned to her book.

And you thought there was no such thing as "feminine logic."

ED. NOTE: I confess my sympathies are with Sass in this case: I always make sure the sinks are clean and all the newspapers and books are tidied away before my cleaning lady comes - twice a year if I remember.

This poem sent by Tom Telfer may ring a few bells:

THE CLASS REUNION

Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it´ll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.

I´ll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.

It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.

The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard about the class nerd
Who´d guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who´s always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.

The boy we´d decreed ´most apt to succeed´
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted ´least´ now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.

They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we´d all gone to pot.

It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren´t dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can´t wait; they´ve set the date;
Our 55th is coming, I´m told.
It should be a ball, they´ve rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker´s been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I´ve bought a new wig and glass eye.

I´m feeling quite hearty, and I´m ready to party
I´m gonna dance ´til dawn´s early light.
It´ll be lots of fun; but I just hope that there´s one
Other person who can make it that night.

Pat Moore sends this futuristic tale:

SEX ON MARS

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He´s got only a teeny, weenie weenie about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

"I don"t think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks. "What"s the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "it´s just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it´s quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "that"s quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Gerrit deLeeuw writes: For those not familiar with this story, this clip was produced by a Halifax band which was on its way to Nebraska for a tour about a year ago. A woman behind the seat they were sitting in noticed the baggage handlers were throwing musical instruments. The band recognized their instruments, and later the band leader discovered there was extensive damage to his $3500 guitar. He contacted United Airlines and tried for a time to put in a claim without success. Like many other consumers, he was frustrated, but unlike those who just give up, he decided to take some action. Tongue in cheek, he wrote a song accompanied by video about the experience and posted it on YouTube, with immediate success. United now intends to use the video in employee training:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo

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This is such a comprehensive site that you could spend hours exploring its possibilities:

http://digg.com/

If your dog needs more exercise than you do, check this:

http://digg.com/d1Nx59