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IN THIS ISSUE

• Pat Moore visits Shanghai
• Zvonko Springer forwards some engineer jokes
• Peter Rollo sends Douglas Adams´ article on Australia
• Gerrit deLeeuw suggests some games for older folk
• Doris Dignard and Tom Kyle recommend websites

Pat Moore says a sad goodbye to China and pays a visit to

SHANGHAI

As our China/Canada project was coming to an end, we had a discussion and decided to leave China via Shanghai so we could see for ourselves a city that was booming with new construction, shopping, TV programs, and life as a modern city.

Shanghai Waterfront (Click image to enlarge)

It certainly is a harbour city and after a very tiring day of travel, I spent the day after we arrived at the hotel window with a pair of binoculars, watching a fascinating variety of ships and tankers of every description come and go. Fortunately, my hotel room was on the eighth floor facing the harbour so I could watch the shipping and also have a view of all the cranes that were doing construction work along the river. It was amazing. It is said that the majority of the world´s cranes are working in Shanghai.

The commercial section of the city is immense as the city has grown so quickly with many moving to the cities from the country. Huge apartment complexes cannot keep up with the number of people moving from the rural areas, and every street is crowded with shops as well. Traffic is indescribable as at any main intersection there will be over a million vehicles of every sort in a day, with police directing traffic with unbelievable noise and confusion - but we never saw or heard of an accident.

Compared to the vision of the 21st century along the harbor, we were surprised to see that dancing was very popular in the city - particularly ballroom dancing, which we certainly had not expected. Huge pavilions are very busy almost every hour of the day and night with familiar old-time music and people dancing. I was going to say couples dancing, but due to the "one-child rule," most of the couples were two men dancing together - because they love the music!

A recent 2007 survey showed that many parents would like to have more than one child, in spite of a proactive prohibition enforced by the government. Despite this overwhelming desire, authorities insist they simply won´t allow it! The Chinese government likes to be in touch with its people, but that doesn´t mean they heed their wishes.

Large Shanghai Shopping Mall

The interpreter seemed very comfortable about explaining why the men were dancing together as he told us that the one-child rule had caused all sorts of complications in the culture of China. He said that finding a girlfriend in Shanghai impossible due to the fact that most Chinese families wanted a boy, and a decade later this is causing many hardships for young men wanting to get married.

As a result he had to resort to dealing with a "finder" - a new career that has been developed in the last few years to help with this problem. Many poor families resort to selling their older daughters so that they can be sold to men with enough money when they are anxious to get married.

Unfortunately, the one-child rule has also developed into another "finder" career in which the finder will be paid a fee by a family to find a male child. This has led to many thousands of little boys under the age of four being kidnapped every year. It is very important in Chinese culture to have a male child as the heritage and name of the family is passed down through the male child only.

Shanghai, China

Another unfortunate career that has developed is the herbalist, usually in the remote areas, who will supply herbs when a second, unwanted child is conceived. It is very expensive for an ordinary couple to buy a recognized birth certificate for a second child, and this birth certificate is necessary for the child to attend school and to be recognized as a member of the family - often the equivalent of a salary for three years.

The problem of over-population has affected not only China but also the second Asian giant. India is experiencing problems as well - but in its own way, due to its unique culture. It is difficult to define the reasons, but one of the main ones is the fact that only a son can make the arrangements for the funeral of a parent - and it is very important that the special arrangements be fulfilled in order to facilitate the deceased´s reincarnation.

The other main cultural reason is the dowry system of India.The parents of the bride must provide a dowry to the groom´s parents and this often is far more than they can afford. Since the bride must live with the groom´s parents, this often makes her life intolerable if her family cannot provide enough dowry - and the dowry does not end with the marriage ceremony but can be demanded over and over again. The cost to abort a female baby is approximately $122 US but a dowry could cost many, many thousands in the future. Recent research is estimating that between 500,000 and two million abortions are performed each year - not due to the health reasons of the mother. Abortions have been illegal in India since 1974 but this has not eliminated the problem, particularly in the remote areas away from government controls.

In India this imbalance is very obvious in many villages and cities as approximately only one in eight is a female. This problem has existed for generations but only now is beginning to have huge repercussions as tens of millions of males have no hope of a family of their own. Many newspapers are filled with pages of classified ads from males looking for brides as there are few females where they live. This also has created a system of "trafficitors," who will arrange an introduction - for a price. Poor rural families will often sell a teenage daughter for $100 [about the cost of a buffalo] and now there is a very busy traffic in this new enterprise.

The male-dominated cultures of these huge countries will have an effect on the world which probably will not be felt or understood for many years.

Leaving China, we realized many things. It is a unique experience to travel where you are totally in the minority as far as language, food, culture, religion, looks, and colour are concerned, and it makes one appreciate the diversity of this world.

To be continued.

Zvonko Springer, who was a civil engineer before he retired, sends these vignettes:

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS

Understanding Engineers - Take One

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What´s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don´t know, but I´ve never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greenskeeper. Let´s have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what´s wrong with that group ahead of us? They´re rather slow, aren´t they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That´s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That´s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I´m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there´s anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can´t they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

Normal people believe that if it ain´t broke, don´t fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain´t broke, it doesn´t have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I´ll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I´ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I´ve told you I´m a beautiful princess, and that I´ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won´t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I´m an engineer. I don´t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that´s cool."

Peter Rollo forwards this description, which can be found in many places on the internet, so if it is copyrighted, it has already been broken many times:

DOUGLAS ADAMS´ VIEW OF AUSTRALIA

(The Douglas Adams of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fame)

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge: a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can´t spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three.

Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has nine of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the nine most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won´t go near the sea.

Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down), and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.

Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs.

The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weight lifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (road trains) have hit them at high speed, with all nine wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes a symmetrical launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described.

The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour. If a person happens to put his hand down a wombat hole, the wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through his crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don´t talk about it much.

At this point, we would like to mention the platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter´s tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all "typical" Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died. The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man´s proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.

Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal, and litigate (marks of a civilized culture they say) - whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick.

Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on extended holiday and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside himself to the core of his essence, his reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely-tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories.

Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the entire world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless he is an American. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string, and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz", "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God´s Own Country") and "Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth." The irritating thing about this is they may be right.

There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer. Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt. Religion and politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don´t care too much about either) but sport is a minefield. The only correct answer to "So, howdya´ like our country, eh?" is "Best {insert your own regional swear word here} country in the world!"

It is very likely that on arriving, some cheerful Australians will "adopt" you on your first night, and take you to a pub where Australian beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes. Your hosts will usually make sure you get home, and waive off any legal difficulties with "It´s his first time in Australia, so we took him to the pub," to which the policeman will sagely nod and close his notebook.

Be sure to tell the story of these events to every other Australian you encounter, adding new embellishments at every stage, and noting how strong the beer was. Thus you will be accepted into this unique culture.

Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators.

Typical Australian sayings: * "G´Day!" * "It´s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick." * "She´ll be right." * "And down from Kosciusko, where the pine clad ridges raise their torn and rugged battlements on high, where the air is clear as crystal, and the white stars fairly blaze at midnight in the cold and frosty sky. And where, around the overflow, the reed beds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide. The Man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride."

Tips to Surviving Australia: * Don´t ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it. * The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is. * Always carry a stick. * Air-conditioning. * Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fist fight. * Thick socks. * Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby. * If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. * Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

See Also: "Deserts: How to die in them", "The Stick: Second most useful thing ever", and "Poisonous and venomous arachnids, insects, animals, trees, shrubs, fish, and sheep of Australia, volumes 1-42."

Also the home of VEGEMITE.

Gerrit deLeuuw suggests these

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you´re it.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. Twenty questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket.

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says - something incoherent.

8. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Doris Dignard writes: This is an absolute hoot! and I agree with her:

Tom Kyle forwards the site for the construction of the space station, the most complicated project of all time:

Someone downloaded this video and made a screensaver of it: