MAIRÉAD BYRNE's book of poetry NELSON & THE HURUBURU BIRD was published by Wild Honey Press in 2003, and her e-chapbook CHINA DOGS by Poetic Inhalation in July 2004. She is an assistant professor of English at Rhode Island School of Design; she likes to do readings and--if you ever need a poem, she's got one for you. You can visit her daily at www.maireadbyrne.blogspot.com.

"CRUMBLE TOUCH"

• Always arrive in town 2 years after property prices go up?

You've got "CRUMBLE TOUCH"

• Always sign on the dotted line the day before interest rates come down?
You may have "CRUMBLE TOUCH"

• Always on the wrong side of the cut-off date, rate, income, or city limit?
Could you be a victim of "CRUMBLE TOUCH"?

• Too old to win the Yale Younger Poets even though your poetry is FUCKING BRILLIANT? The problem may be "CRUMBLE TOUCH"

• Have all your significant sexual relationships been with alcoholics and/or the mentally ill? Ever consider "CRUMBLE TOUCH"?

• Is life an unending struggle? Chances are you're riddled with "CRUMBLE TOUCH."

• Ever feel your luck has run out or was delivered to you in a leaky bag all those years ago? That's "CRUMBLE TOUCH"

HELP IS AT HAND
TAKE "RIGIDITY": THE FIXATIVE FOR FIXING YOUR LIFE
PUT BACK-BONE IN YOUR FINGER-TIPS
NO MORE "CRUMBLE TOUCH"
ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES LIKE A NINE-PIN
LAUGH IN THE FACE OF THE FATES HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!
BE DEVIL-MAY-CARE LET YOUR HAIR BLOW IN YOUR FACE AS YOU ENJOY THE RIDE OF
YOUR LIFE IN THE CONVERTIBLE OF THE NEW YOU!
RIGIDITY! YOUR TICKET TO PEACHINESS
CARPE DIEM WITH A GOLDEN HANDSHAKE TODAY

ANOTHER SELF-PORTRAIT

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