William Wegman

ELEVEN STORIES

It sure is good to be out of that coma and back on the job. I don't know if I'll ever get used to these new felt-tipped pens though. If you're not careful the ink soaks right through the paper. If I work with them too long I get dizzy.

Our family didn't have anything to do one afternoon so we all made cut outs. I thought Dad's was the best but Mom thought mine was. Dad voted for Mom's and so did my sister, so Mom won. Mom admitted afterwards that she thought hers was the best but didn't think it was right to vote for herself. Dad thought mine would have won if I had kept it simpler. Everyone criticized my sister's on technical grounds.

We found something in our backyard that didn't belong to anyone in the family. Dad brought it to the police station and the officer said that whose ever it was probably didn't want it and tossed it out over the fence and into our yard just to get rid of it.

Our men's club charted a bus to the movies last Wednesday afternoon. We got a group price on the tickets, but many of us were upset that we couldn't sit together. Six of us, including myself, found fairly good seats in the balcony. I spotted 3 from our group in the fourth row, 2 in the eleventh, one in the fourteenth, and a total of 9 in the side rows. I couldn't tell from where I sat but figured the other 7 must have had to take seats under the balcony.

Some of us went to the hanging gardens the other day. My neck got sore and I hurt my leg on a low sign. I got separated from the rest of the group and had to walk home. The group that had gone to the zoo came back. They were all laughing and had obviously had a great time. I wanted to go to the zoo in the first place but I let myself get talked into the gardens.

A young girl fainted in church. She hit her head on the pew. The organist was playing so loud I was the only one that noticed. After, he told me he too had seen the girl hit the pew and that's what inspired him to play so well.

Little Toby lost his puppy. That night a man came by Toby's house and said he had found the dog and inquired about a reward. Toby broke open his piggy bank and gave the man $1.25. The man took the money and told Toby where he could find his puppy. Clear across town, a good seven miles away. It seems the man was the original owner and the puppy had found its way back to him.

My father told me about a wrestling match he had seen the year before I was born where one of the wrestlers picked the other one up and threw him completely out of the ring. He had to have stitches and never entered the ring again. My father said it was a good thing I wasn't around then because the wrestler landed right next to him where I might have been had I been born a year or more earlier.

I had a glass of water hidden in a drawer in my desk just in case I got thirsty. Somebody accidentally bumped my desk and spilled the water all over my papers. Later someone told me that everyone knew about the glass and that the accident was staged. I told him I was aware that everyone knew about it and had been doing it just to see what would happen. He said they all knew that I knew and had done it just to see how I would react.

My sister's boyfriend is a clerk in one of the country's largest department stores. The store is so big it takes him all day to do his job.

My wife got a lovely blouse for Christmas but it was too small and the pattern on it was revolting.