Jeannie Bergmann

Jeannie runs a website for poetry news/events in Madison,

Wisconsin – http://www.madpoetry.org – which now has a link to RealPoetik.

She notes, "Please note some necessary alterations in the text below –

to wit: in the first poem, Change of Life, the words "wonderful" (#1) and

"poetry" in the second line should be struck through...." Which turns

out to be significant, actually. She's had work in Connected: Poetry

In the Age of Computers.

But mostly, I couldn't resist the shameless flattery.

CHANGE OF LIFE (an epistolary homage)

I’m moved beyond recognition by your simple peasant ways. Here, have some

toluene

from Optima Suavidad by Sal Salasin

Dear Mr. Salasin,

Your wonderful book of wonderful poetry poems

changed my life!

the second book, not the first book;

I’m sure the first book is wonderful, too,

but I haven’t read it yet.

I know it’s time to change my life

when I throw it at the wall

and it sticks.

I was going to try to change my life on a regular schedule;

twice a year, when I turn over the mattress,

but I have a waterbed.

There’s nothing like the soothing sound of water

to give you pleasant dreams

and wake you up in the middle of the night

to go to the bathroom.

I always turn on the light

and look in the toilet before I sit down

because you never know.

They keep saying, "There is nothing living in there!"

but ask them to drink out of it:

they’ll change their tune.

I need to change my tune.

Does anybody know a good place to get jingles removed?

I often feel limited by not understanding modern trends in poetics.

Of course, I don’t really want to understand those trends that well;

just enough to make fun of them.

Sometimes I feel at a cultural disadvantage compared to other poets

because I haven’t ever had a drug problem

been alcoholic

had an abortion

been a lesbian

been colored (I mean, besides beige; I guess Magic Marker doesn’t count)

gotten a tattoo (I guess Magic Marker doesn’t count for that, either)

gotten divorced

been on welfare (I guess Medical Assistance doesn’t count)

been homeless,

but today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I have been hopeless,

more or less, but that was because I was molting.

I lived in the ghetto once,

but it was a tiny one,

and everybody was nice to me.

I was thinking of being polyandrous,

but the waterbed is crowded enough as it is.

I’ve never had a criminal record or done time,

although that may change,

now that we’ve got a new President.

George Bush said on tv

that the most important thing in his life

was possessions.

His handlers seem to be way below standard

for Republican presidents.

I think his tune needs changing.

And while he’s at it, he should change his life, too.

F.J. Bergmann