Maggie Estep

Maggie Estep's debut crime novel HEX was named a notable book of 2003 by The New York Times. The second book in the series, GARGANTUAN, will be out in May from Crown. Maggie lives in Brooklyn and likes to hang out at racetracks cheering on long shots. Her website is www.maggieestep.com

HORSES

I like horses.
it's not a Girls and Horses thing,
that's gross and
I find it offensive and degrading to horses.

I don't like that Catherine the Great fucked horses.
How do you think that horse felt the next morning?
What do you think all the other horses thought about that horse?
They thought of him as a People Fucker
A traitor to horsekind.
That horse was ostracized, fell into a depression
lost all his hair
and wandered through the town
shitting indiscriminately in the village drinking water.
That horse did not come to a good end
so let's not talk about him anymore
I don't like when bad things happen to horses
because I like horses very much
they're soft
they have big eyes, huge hearts, and silky ears.
even their shit smells good
because they're vegetarians
because horses are smart
they don't like to fuck people or eat meat
they've very pure
and fast
and sturdy and affectionate
as long as you don't try to fuck them.

So let's please put an end to this Girls and Horses thing.
If there are any girls out there who want to fuck horses
I think they should be put to death
because that's not right
Horses shouldn't be fucked
except by other horses
I feel confident in saying that I speak for all horses when I say this.

Girls should be allowed to like horses
without people envisioning them in compromising positions in the stable
unless it's with the hay delivery guy.
Although I would find it offensive to ever think of fucking a horse
I did once fuck a hay delivery guy in a barn and that was fine and fun.
So. When a girl says she likes horses,
think of her fucking the hay delivery guy
that should keep you busy awhile
and just leave horses out of it,
they really have no interest in playing a part in your filthy fantasies.
Horses are noble, beautiful beasts
and I like them very much
and let's leave it at that.