Keith Owen (ozoneking@aol.com) is a writer, graphic artist and sometime performer living in Austin, Texas. He has been published "here and there," is the former host/producer of "Inkslingers & Mummers' Revue," an Austin performance/variety show which ran for 4 1/2 years, 1 year host of the Hightime Tea Bar & Brain Gym Poetry Slam, and host of the 1993 Texas Grand Championship Slam-Off. He now is much more quiet. This piece is from his book, "Slammers," and should be performed "with rhythm & gusto."



How to Get Elected


It takes big bucks
'cause the luck's with the clucks
with the cash,
the stash of tucks in the pocket.
THAT'S the socket -- the clock to set
the rocket of success.
Luck's best
with big bucks sucked in, trucked in,
shucked 'n jived
by ducks in dives
in back rooms (smoke filled), company cars
Bars and stars wave to wars of
Campaign cash.

Politicos' noses
shows they knows
it grows on bottom lines
in gas pump lines
and prices rise with doves' demise.
The War's the star
and the star's on the cap
of the man with the cup
and the cup has the cash
and the cash makes the man
and the man is the company's
and the company is measured
by all the men it keeps.
If ya gotta go politico ya oughta know the rules!

It's the clues of the ruse
that the ruler rules the fools
schools the tool that cues the jewels
that's the cruelest rule of ruses,
raises rows of purses roses,
fills the pool of fuel he uses.
But the one who sings the blues's
he that blew the rule of ruses,
drew the cruise of gruesome bruises,
cries accrued until he boozes
'Cause the wisest rulers realize
the rules rule the rulers,
and the wily ruler rarely rules
relying on his muses --
skews the views of queued abuses
hews the noose of grue he fuses

screws the few his crew accuses
whose neuroses fire the fuses
stews the "boos" the "don'ts" and "dos"
And the ruler who peruses
which issue best confuses
when he waltzes wows and woos us
rules the gooses when they chooses
Or the news is:
He loses.

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