Sal Salasin

Sal is editor or RealPoetik, the author of Optima Suavidad (Greenbean

Press, 1999, NYC), Stepping Out of the Plane Under the Protection of

the Army (Another Chicago Press, 1989).

We know where garlic powder comes from,

we know where chili powder comes from,

where does baby powder come from?

Last year I lost my wife.

By the time I found her,

she was in the next state with some

pretty boy, all my credit cards

and the car.

Now I want to save with

a free upgrade installation for

a total TV package.

Now I would like to eat your

tasty, highly salted snack food.

I come from a long line my

mother fell for.

Less chat,

more splat,

that's what I say.

And you'll succeed "If you remain

truthfull and honest to your core principles."

(Rush Limbaugh)

When I can't stop fiddlin'

I just take my rit'lin,

I'm poppin' and sailin', man.

Republican Health Care Plan 2000:

If we murder all the infants at birth

we reduce healthcare expenses to zero.

Rush Limbaugh's Plan to Reduce Gasoline Prices:

Declair war on Iran, Iraq, Behran, Oman, Kuwait,

Saudi Arabia, Venezuala and Mexico.

Not only a professional trainer, but

hopes to market his own health bar someday.

Your choice, Bunky.

George Sanders, Victor Mature, Hedi Lamarr,

Angela Lancaster and Stuart Granger, 1952.

I can say nothing of this for it stands

an indictment of an entire generation.

"Hey," I used to tell her,

"I'm not paying you to talk."

Then I got dead in a police shooting of

natural causes.

You have a gun, Don,

use it.

Now I'm getting my Willy Wonked.

Spanking the monkey.

Getting a hummer.

I'd love to reassure you but

I need a tetnus shot.

I used to stand around and

ask folks if I could

search their cars for drugs.

Sometimes they'd ask if I was a cop but

usually I'd just pocket anything interesting.

Oh! It's Miss Information

looking like death on a trisket.

The other bad thing about marriage is that

you have to talk to each other.

We call it

kissing time goodbye.

It's not just pretty words,

it's true.

Every hour he's out of jail

he's away from home.

I took viagra and got taller.

Bag his hands and roll'im,

that's what I say.

Frivolity is the refusal to suffer.

If you could do anything,

what would you do?

1. Smoke marijuana 600 miles from the nearest human.

2. Be invisible.

All art consists of the slight,

progressive alterations of accepted forms

and patterns, often of biological origin.

Similar to cosmetics.

It's what you have when all your friends

are part of the water table.

Why mess with natural selection?

It's better to have loved and lost than

to have to stay married to that bitch

for the rest of my life.

I don't walk around wanting to kill people.

No matter what some people think.

I'm kissing time goodbye.

I could be home now,

drinking this fabulous eggnog my

brother-in-law makes with lighter fluid.

Why did you leave your last job?

They called Security.

You have no idea what's going to hit you.

I took viagra and

I got taller.

I thought of having a family but

I never saw any I liked.

God is love and

love is blind so

Ray Charles is god.

Hey Mistah!

Bag his hands and roll'im,

that's what I say.

And why would you bother with

anything else?

And all my friends are part of the water table.

Famous last words:

"And I'm not gonna take those damn pills anymore."

Sal Salasin