Sal Salasin

 

 

 

Sal is editor of RealPoetik. His most recent book is Optima Suavidad (Greenbean Press, NYC: 1999), as well as Stepping Out of the Plane Under the Protection of the Army (Another Chicago Press, Chicago:1989).

 

 

 

 

 

Poem on a Line by Shayne Keen

I won't be in on Monday.

I may already be a winner in the

Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.

I have encephalitis lethargica.

I'm not a drug dealer I

collect vintage cocaine.

Yesterday they impeached the President so

I jerked off.

"Need and panic and fear

are great motivators."

(Rush Limbaugh on

the Republican Welfare Reform Plan)

Hi.

I'm an actor portraying

Consumer Advocate Katie Adrianos for

Depends.

And I'm here to tell you that

commodities LIKE being traded.

And how many nights did our teachers sit

at home masturbating in their hellish shrines to

the water gods,

eh? The author of

_Problems in the Philosophy of Kierkegarde, or,

Hello, Sailor_, a study of a perjury trap based on

a dismissed civil suit financed by

a reclusive millionaire,

trumped up in a federal grand jury,

conceived of by a guy who

divorced his first wife in her hospital bed and

went through two more; promoted by a hypocritical radio

talk host on wife number three;

investigated by a thoroughly repressed Republican judge

with six wasted years and forty million dollars of bad PR

behind him;

and implemented by a whole series of

admitted reactionaries, liars and adulterers on

the House Judicial Committee.

You don't have to hit me with a bus.

I'm Mr. Idiopathic Disrythmia.

Once again the air smells

of microwave popcorn.

I am who I am.

As a species,

naked ambition tempered only by

arrogance and greed.

And why is Adrianna Huffington

still pontificating on TV when

it turns out she no longer channels Seth,

Bronze-age warrior and sage,

and her Congressman-Failed-Senatorial-Millionaire-Candidate-Ex-Husband

admits that he's gay. I'm

at that awkward age when you're

too young to hold down a job and

too old to be tried as a juvenile.

 

 

 

 

 

You know,

if you weren't rich

you'd be a real asshole.

Healthcare career opportunities at CCIT,

OK, I'll bite.

I walk around camp naked, I had

a belt, a plate, a spoon and a revolver.

As the saying goes, "In case of fire

break glass."

Say I help you. Where that get me?

Harvard.

Generally, reproduction on this planet involves

two related species in genetic exchange. One

is involved in intense competition among itself,

with females ultimately choosing on the basis of

demonstrated health or display.

It's an old and tired story involving

a lot of pushing and shoving on everyone's part.

All I really want is someone to hold hands with

while I buy lawn furniture.

Keep looking shocked and

slowly move toward the cake.

It was one of those 60's things you're

never quite sure whether it happened or not.

Consumer reporter Katie Hample as portrayed

by an actor was surprised. "When everything

is coming your way, it usually means you're

in the wrong lane.

It's

something special I have instead of a life.

Of course, what I meant to say according to

my lawyers was, 'Let's all hold hands and sing

Kumbaiya.'"

Dr. Demento.

First of all, a

lousy name for a gynecologist.

You know,

you remind me a lot of my cat.

She thinks her turds are real interesting

and important, too.

Darling,

she would say,

I can't believe you

won't shut up.