Sal Salasin

Sal is editor of RealPoetik. His book is Stepping Out of the Plane Under the Protection of the Army (Another Chicago Press:1989). He can be reached at salasin@wln.com

Thanks to the magic of the information superhighway,

I don't even know who Sandra Bullock is and

I'm still waiting to watch her get fucked.

Nothing discourages pornography more than

a 9600 baud modem.

It's important to give psychos the

benefit of the doubt.

"Why did your mother burn your copy of Catcher in the Rye?"

"She didn't just burn my copy, she burned the whole house down."

"Why did she burn down the house?"

"My copy of Catcher in the Rye was inside."

You want to circle that on your calendar with

a big smiley face.

Fate and too many pain killers,

my favorite combination.

Factories, assembly lines,

armies, churches and prisons.

Yes,

it all makes sense.

I want to live where

the busses don't run.

Sing and dance and lie down dead.

It's like the love Johnny and I have for each other,

like watching television in

a cheap motel off Highway 6 in Marriotsville

Ohio, like

an old man returning soup in a Deli.

It's nothing personal but

I never liked you.

You're really annoying.

The next day I sobered up and

remembered I

still had some whiskey left.

"So how do you like America so far?"

It's like watching television in

a cheap motel off Highway 6 in

Marriotsville, Ohio. My boss

told us he wanted to know how we felt so

I told him and he told me that

if I felt that way,

I was fired. Now I'm

standing in the unemployment line

listening to Rush Limbaugh. Later,

John Carlson, enemy of wage earners

everywhere. He's

ranting about the IMF which is strange

since it's a bankers' bank. We

will sing of the love that Johnny and I

have for each other. It's like

watching the Ricki Lake Show, always

a sign of disaster or

waiting for some

sweet young serial killer

on his way to Orlando for

Spring break.

"Darling," she would say,

"let's go postal."

And look at the last twenty years--

wars, depressions, acts of terrorism....

but enough about me. And yes,

I want to train for a new career at

ITS. The next day I sobered up and

remembered I had some whiskey left.

A woman in an apron with a twig broom.

I'd love to help you but then

I wouldn't be watching TV.

They would have done the same to us and

walked away smiling. I'm

as impotent as a Nevada Boxing Commissioner.

The light at the end of the tunnel

turns out to be New Jersey.

I'm on disability from the Post Office and

don't want to talk about it.

And welcome to Prosecutorial Misconduct Land,

God protect me from Christians! In the

heart

of the meat packing district. No!

You listen to Me!

The Metal Ones won't take me alive!

I was in therapy for a while but

they asked too many personal questions.

Good advice:

Never hold a gun for a friend.

Factories, assembly lines, armies, prisons. Yes,

it all makes sense. America's first brother and

sister team on channel five news tonight. I live

where petitioning the governor for a stay of execution

is some kind of joke. Out

where the busses don't run.

Half woman, half child,

totally delusional.

Like watching television in

a cheap motel off Highway 6 in

Marrotsville, Ohio.

Movies not to watch while unemployed:

1. Taxi Driver

2. Scarface

I glance over the Belltown Casual Longshore List signup in the

Unemployment Service Center and someone says

"This new deoderant really rocks!"

Some sweet young serial killer on his way to Orlando

for spring break.

Little four-legged retards

trying to bite your ankles every time you

squeeze by. I'm

on the ocean floor with Charlie Tuna.

Make the cash without the flash,

that's what I say.

I took the test for moron and flunked.

Now I'm standing in the unemployment line

next to some guy with an

earring in his tongue.

"Darling," she would say,

"Let's go postal."

Sing and dance and lie down dead.

"You're wonderful," I said.

"I think I'll carry you around

for laughs."

Sal Salasin