From: "Wotan The Warrior" <wotan@geek.com>

When I questioned Wotan as to their bio material they told me "being the god(dess) of poetic inspiration, Wotan, is who I am, for better or worse", so I left it at that. Wotan has a story out in the current (might be one issue back at this point) issue of E-corpse and stuff forthcoming in Milk Magazine. Their website can be found at wotanswarriors@5u.com, and we have wotan@geek.com as an email address.

Biore Pore Strips

Fricka did those pore strips again the other night and they totally pulled out all this little white hairy fuzz off her nose, chin and chest -- though no pimple gook. Then Romeo called and started moaning about the pictures from the wedding. She claimed you could see her facial hair in the photo. She said, "I look like Frieda Kalo!"

"Try Biore pore strips, that's what Fricka uses."

"Is that hair that comes out when you use those? That can’t be good!"

"It doesn't seem to happen to the other Valkyries," I admitted. Fricka is the only one, apparently, who has lots of white fuzz.

Secretly, I am rather concerned about this and wish I hadn't known. But I kept a breezy attitude up about it with Romeo.

"But, hey! Try it! I'll send you one the next time she does it." Romeo agreed to go buy some and we agree to mail them to each other in film canisters.

Before she hung up though, I said, "Don't bother to send yours if there's nothing to see."

Fractured penis

There are other things I wish I hadn't known. Take for instance the fractured penis I picked up the other night. You could have gone your whole life without knowing that when fully erect, a penis can be broken; am I right? And that what you’re left with is one heck of a sore and very bent penis? When the reconstructive surgeon asked if the patient happened to have a picture of it (before the mishap, that is), I couldn’t help but laugh. Seemed straight forward enough -- I mean, I wouldn’t need a picture; it’s bent - unbend it. Don’t make what’s simple hard. "Can’t they just use my yearbook picture?" the guy with the fractured penis quipped. At least he had a sense of humor about it.

Nostalgic

I remember how my mother would put my little brother in a tailor tot in the back of the station wagon and tether him in so he could roll around back there as we drove. I remember the time she put him in the trunk but we could still hear him screaming in there.

And once she did that with the dog, but he chewed out all the headlight cable.

Excerpts from The Story of Wotan

Wotan hatched out as a fingerling rainbow trout during an April snowstorm in the wilds of the Adirondacks -- practically, but tragically, not quite Canada, and was promptly named after the tallest mountain peak in the region. Raised by an extremely zany, outdoorsy and artistic, yet uptight Puritan couple -- I'm talking "Pilgrim's Progress" here, Wotan was subjected to a lonely childhood on a remote woodland farm, and knew far more many dogs and horses than people in those formative pre-school years.

Going off to Kindergarten was a great relief to the lonely child Wotan, for attracting young and old with a uniquely sunny aura was Wotan's gift. Wotan secured the love of classmates by drawing Ski-doos for the boys and sunbonnet babies for the girls. Right from the get go, Wotan was in big demand.

REAL ADIRONDACKERS (Part I)

Sledybump Rabatoy

Sweetheart Holmes

Pinzy Bond

Gizzy Cutzer

Poop Guyette

Buckshot Wojewodzic

Dets Catanzarita

Suitcase Simpson

Tinny Lanzo

Bugs Williams

Cooney Baird

Baldie Vanderhof

The Brace Boys: Brownie, Blackie, Red & Whitie

Wotan