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IN THIS ISSUE

• Richard Ross continues his impressions of India
• Bob Brown writes about his experience in Africa
• Betty Fehlhaber and Don Henderson forward Japanese market news
• Bruce Galway shares new definitions of market terms
• Tom Kyle outlines the creation of a new language
• Various sites discuss vital election issues

Richard Ross continues his

TRAVELLING CHRONICLES

Those who frequent the main marketplaces represent every walk of life in Indian society. The wealthy walk side by side with the famished, while the ever-growing middle class fills everywhere in between. Whereas in America and in Europe, segregation plays a major role where one goes to shop, dine, or just relax, New Delhi stands out as the greatest convergence of social classes I have ever seen.

The landscape of the new city appears flat, green, methodical, and manicured. When you emerge out of the commercial and populated areas, you´re refreshed by trees, shrubbery, and long narrow columns of grass. If I were to describe the vegetation, a tropical rainforest has shmoozed with the backwoods of Vermont.

In my first few days, the heat certainly bolstered India´s scorching reputation, but in the last week it has cooled down somewhat comfortably. Spending a summer in DC prepares one suitably for the climate in Delhi. Furthermore, as the capital of India, New Delhi resembles the same manufactured layout as Washington and subsequently, Paris to some extent. In Delhi´s case, the British aesthetically designed the federal buildings in one concentrated area, complemented by the same man-made ponds and grassy gardens one would see at the National Mall. Like Washington, all roads converge at twirling circles and if you´re not careful, you´re spat out going the opposite direction on a one-way. The India Gate, a very visible landmark in the center of the city, stands as obvious and proud as the Arc De Triomphe, with a broad avenue running beneath it, striking in its similarity to the Avenue des Champs-Élysées in Paris.

The only thing developing in India that I notice on a daily basis is my laziness. We´re not short of help in this house. Let´s just say when you have two guards, a driver, a full-time maid and a chef, one´s attempt at earning one´s keep is often thwarted by the duty of others. If I clean a dish, let alone bring a dirty dish into the kitchen, I am immediately reprimanded by our most soft-hearted chef, Teresa. If I tiptoe outside my bedroom and glance back, happy-go- lucky Lela is making my bed. To a restaurant, or a day´s outing to a market, or a party in the evening, my driver, Vipan, awaits still.

With all the luxuries, my sister Gabrielle is a new-age ascetic, who acutely monitors electricity, cheese, and alcohol. My niece, Sachi, 9, a Canadian-Japanese-American who has lived everywhere from Delhi to Geneva and back, salutes an erasable flag. My sister´s husband, born and raised in Canada, has called South-East Asia home for the last 14 years. His post at the World Bank has him orbiting around a half-dozen nations, some of them part of Washington´s "axis-of evil"; others only sketches on a map.

One of the most recurring attitudes in India from Indians and foreigners alike is that absolutely anything can happen here. Where cows unconditionally have the right of way and buses hold three times their capacity, a new day is a new way for the Indian people. Let me offer a small taste of what I like to refer to as the Indian debacle du jour....

The other night, my sister and I had to rescue our security guard, Ravi Ji, from a series of allegations made by a neighboring couple. That morning, Ravi Ji asked the man to remove his bike from our parking space. The man jeered at Ravi´s request, and when Ravi repeated it, the man impulsively struck a right fist into Ravi´s cheek. One thing led to another, and there were a dozen policemen and bystanders processing the sudden eruption of violence. In muddled English and Hindi, we were told Ravi was headed to the hospital for treatment. Our concerns were only with Ravi´s face until we received a call at dinner - Ravi, of course - in jail. The man who swung the punch and his wife had accused Ravi of a long history of offensive slurs.

I accompanied an enraged Gabrielle and the guard on duty to the police station. Having not the foggiest clue of what I had got myself into going to an Indian jail, I sat in the back seat, thoroughly impressed by my sister´s know-how and courage to zip along in Delhi traffic with a right-handed steering wheel.

We arrived at the station and Hindi emerged as the chosen language. I sat silent and inconspicuous. I sat because the most gracious Indian police officer invested more concern that I sit than he did in arbitrating the dispute at hand. As the two sides pleaded their case, with Gabrielle representing Ravi Ji (In Hindi, b.t.w., she speaks crystal clear Hindi, I am told) I would stand, out of consideration for those who were standing, but again, the same police officer halted the deliberation and signalled that I sit back down, waving his hands back and forth below his waist. I sat, and the Indian judicial process resumed.

Once the parties quieted, the kind-hearted policeman who had made certain I was still comfortable declared that in India, the two men must formally apologize to one another, followed by a handshake. This did not come easy, but in time, the two men suppressed their animosities and shook hands. The handshake concluded that Ravi Ji indeed may have made rude remarks to the couple, but there had not been any other testimonies to substantiate such a claim. Ravi Ji and the other man swapped positions -Ravi was set free, while the complainant spent his night in jail.

Many Indians stay clear of the city´s hustle and bustle. If truth be told, I´ve never seen so many humans just sitting, and not just sitting, but sitting so low that their legs seem to be missing. Sitting on the ground, sitting on walls, on bicycles, or sitting beside dogs who sit for hours - primarily due to the fact they´re unconscious. It seems that for a lot of Indians, if they sit too long, they begin to fall asleep. At either 12 p.m. or 12 a.m., the sidewalks are a terrific spectrum of snoozing, sprawling men.

Indians do much more than seek room and board on the sidewalks. They also come together and create small little economies that serve the needs of everyone on that block. Little external kitchens that grill, young girls and their mothers husk corn, while others knit. But the most venerated professional on the block seems to be the barber, who spends his day shaving the wooly faces of his neighbors. Observing the popularity among the local folk time after time, I wanted to discover what all this hype was about, so when I decided I needed a haircut, my sister and I approached the crowded dwelling where the barber sets up shop and requested a beginner´s trial. Undoubtedly, I was his first westerner of the morning and very likely, his career. As he began to cut, an audience of 20 to 25 puzzled Indians observed, as if a friendly octopus had just sat down for a quick trim. After delivering a picture-perfect haircut, he ended with a complete head message - all for one great price - one US dollar! As long as he still practices, I will forever roam the Subcontinent with a fresh cut!

Under the guise of my sister´s son, I was able to join the family membership at the health center. I spend most mornings recovering the mental and physical health that once propelled me to run marathons. I am starting back slowly, but I have signed up for the New Delhi half- marathon in early November. It is to be one of the world´s premier half-marathon events, attracting runners from all over.

We´re busily brainstorming ideas for Christmas, but I have firm aspirations for my forthcoming travels. Starting tomorrow morning, I will join a few other Americans in a land I know very little of except that its beauty is breathtaking and its enchantment is withoutequal: the Ladakh region of Kashmir. We will fly to Lak, a quaint Buddhist town tucked high in the skyscraping Himalayas. The plan is to spend three days acclimatizing and three days hiking higher into the mountains. You can be sure the next instalment will be filled with my experiences there.

Down the road, I plan to take a few weeks to see more of Southern India, including Bombay and the Goa region, but I also plan to sashay the shores of South-East Asia. Beginning in Bangkok, I will rove south to see for myself where the bluest water truthfully meets the whitest sand - Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, or Indonesia.

CORRESPONDENCE

Knowing he had lived in Africa for many years, I forwarded the site for a story about the rescue of a baby elephant to Bob Brown, who now lives in England. This is his reply:

After living 22 years in Rhodesia, I simply adore elephants. I used to work as a relief bank accountant in the great Kariba Dam township on the border with Zambia. This was pre-Mugabe´s Zimbabwe, and wild animals were protected seriously in those days. In my spare time I used to drive along tracks through the bush deep in the Zambezi Valley. Elephant were everywhere, as were antelope of every different kind, huge eland, beautiful kudu, dramatic sable, and a host of other types of antelope. Lion and leopard were plentiful, and great care had to taken while walking along the banks of the Zambezi as hippo and crocodile were also numerous. Hippos cause more human deaths each year than all other predators combined.

Sit back and imagine, if you will, a wood fire burning in the open, upon which your evening meal is being cooked. As you wait and sip your own personal ´sundowner,´ you breathe in the heady aroma of wood smoke and roasting venison. A dark unpolluted African night sky is brilliantly lit by millions of glittering stars. Noises drift in made by baboons, hyenas, and lions. (Elephants are always very quiet apart from the odd tummy rumbles.) From far away comes the melodic ululating of a contented African man as he too sits beside his fire with a mug of home-made beer in his hand, while watching his wife and family bustling in and out of their kia. Real Africa can be paradise on earth.

Now you begin to understand my nickname - Bushman Bob.

Ed. Note: For the story and pictures of the rescue, see h http://arunaurl.com/2k00

Betty Fehlhaber and Don Henderson both hasten to bring you

THE LATEST BANKING NEWS FROM JAPAN

Following the problems with the sub-prime lending market melt-down in America and the run on Northern Rock, HBOS and Bradford & Bingley in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last seven days, Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Bruce Galway writes: There´s certainly nothing funny about the current market situation, but perhaps the lighter side will ease the pain.

NEW MARKET TERMS

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A six-to-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 - What you jump out of when you´re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who´s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

Tom Kyle writes: Text messaging has become very popular among the younger generation. I have been asked to make you aware of other changes which are imminent.

BLACKBERRY LANGUAGE

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

The future language will be a mixture of English English, American English, and Euro English. We may end up being tri-lingual. Prepare for the future, and enjoy learning this new language as is explained below.

In the first year, ´s´ will replace the soft ´c´. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ´c´ will be dropped in favour of ´k´. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ´ph´ will be replaced with ´f´. This will make words like fotograf 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ´e´ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the fourth, yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ´th´ with ´z´ and ´w´ with ´v´.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ´o´ kan be dropd from vordskontaining ´ou´ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis maks you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Here are some of the sites that discuss various aspects of the issues involved in Tuesday´s

ELECTION

To read the open letter published by 88 leading economists on the financial crisis, go to http://arunaurl.com/2k05

If you are interested in strategic voting, check out http://www.voteforenvironment.ca/

For a timely suggestion on how to form a representative government, see http://arunaurl.com/2k06

To see how the Harper government pushed the envelope on deregulation of the mortgage business, go to http://arunaurl.com/2jml

For the editor´s political views, see http://jeansansum.shawwebspace.ca/blog/

If you are burned out on election coverage, both in Canada and in the US, watch JibJab´s contribution: http://www.peteyandpetunia.com/VoteHere/VoteHere.htm

And finally, to escape politics entirely, see http://arunaurl.com/2jmk

You do not know how heavy the load is that you do not carry yourself! - Chinese proverb