Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-01

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Zvonko Springer finally gets his car repaired in Kampala
• Lyle Meeres recalls the last few days of their tour of China
• Pat Moore forwards a list of new words for 2010
• From Lew Carter´s News comes this illuminating story
• The editor recalls 16 years of publishing The Spinner
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway and Jay

Zvonko Springer is heading for home on their

SECOND AFRICAN SAFARI

On September 2nd we started the return home. We made an early start to make sure that we reached Kampala around 2:00 p.m. to be on time at the service station. The first 90km of the road had been badly maintained and driving without a horn and a direction indicator was not a pleasure. I drove at 35km/h despite the road layout being a perfect design by Germans and Italians, leading through an interesting countryside. Soon after Bukinda and Lwentobo, we came to a wide tarmac road constructed by an Italian company. From Ntungamo I sped up to 60km/h, leaving behind the last mountain vista. The rain stopped as we descended the escarpment on a murram road into a valley where a large herd of Ankole or Watusi cattle grazed. The Ankole has very large, distinctive horns, which can grow up to 1.8m long. We had no time to take pictures close up as I was in too much of a hurry.

Around 11 a.m. we came to Mbarara in Ankole Province, a larger city with the D. C. residence, army camps, and the police central station cum prison, a bulky hospital, and a large secondary school building. The town was orderly and had several parks with green spots all around. Ljiljana went to the market and got a strange-looking vase cut from an "Omutsiko" tree root for Sh16. It was a bit expensive for a hollowed out root yet a bargain for its form.

Pressed for time, I drove fast, passing by Lyantonde to Masaka at 140km. At Masaka I had to stop for petrol, and my spirits improved a bit noticing the vicinity of Lake Victoria. Masaka was a larger township having a military camp, a large police station, and many Indian shop keepers along the main road. I did not want to spend any time sightseeing and drove on to Kampala as fast as possible. The road was wide tarmac leading alongside the wetlands, with reed and bamboo on one side and coffee plantations on the hillside on the other side.

Ljiljana served us a cold meal with drinks, using whatever she found in the iron rations we carried through the whole safari. Then my good girls started playing some memory games that I could not attend to at all. My whole attention was on driving and getting over the 135km to Kampala as fast as possible. I had no problems driving on straight stretches but the slightest curve affected the steering. I felt a kind of wobbling as the car gave away as I did not get the normal resistance from the tires on the steering wheel. One of the shock absorbers did not function either. The strong smell of coffee bushes in bloom made me long for a coffee break. I made a brief stop at Nabusanke, not for coffee but for another picture at the equator crossing with a proper board. This had became a standard procedure at any equator crossing.

The car got more unstable as we drove, but at 2:15 we reached Kampala suburb roundabout. I slowed down to 50km/h and entered the VW service station at 14:40. I had made that nerve racking 435km in six hours and 10 minutes exactly. The German engineer came out of his office, and the car was lifted onto a ramp for inspection after 15 minutes that seemed to me like infinity. Both of us moved to look at the front axle fixing plate to the chassis. The two rectangular plates were held tight together by four bolts fixing the front axle to the chassis. The inspection revealed that somebody had tried inexpertly to weld the two plates together. The engineer told me that whoever had done it was an absolute idiot as the welding of this high steel quality plates could be done only by an expert. On one side, two bolts had lost their nuts and a mechanic just pulled them out. My heart sank as the third bolt fell out too. Then the mechanic tried to tighten the last of four bolts but could not do it as the shaft cut just came out. I felt sick … I needed air!

The German engineer led me outside, saying: "Mein Got! Sie haben es noch gerade geschaft!" (My God! You have JUST made it!") I got a headache and sat for a while outside, sipping something (I do not remember what!) until my mind cleared enough. It realized that we had been driving for many miles on the grace of the Almighty … not on the four holding bolts.

The mechanics fixed the two plates in their proper position and the four new bolts were properly tightened. The two new arm-holds for the front axle ordered from Europe were fixed afterwards. These arm- holds were new parts introduced on recent model of VW cars, not on the 1961 model like my car. The front axle was much better fastened to the chassis and the four bolts were less strained. The car came off the ramp at 4:00 and I thanked the German and tipped the mechanics. It was time to proceed safely to Mombasa at last.

We made a short visit to our friends in Kampala, and after tea we left for Jinja, our next stop. It was almost 7:00 when we arrived there and went to the modern hotel "Crested Crane". I had a hot bath and a few "shenzies" (shandy: half beer, half lemonade), which relieved my dehydration and allowed me to relax after our near disasters on the road.

To be concluded.

Lyle Meeres comes to the end of his description of

A BRIEF TOUR OF CHINA

On the tenth day we saw the Wuhan Museum, where we were impressed by the massive arrangement of brass bells. Then we heard a copy played beautifully in a 30-minute performance, but were annoyed by a man who talked loudly when his cell phone rang, and then placed a call. Others ate a Chinese lunch (I avoided food) and then we went to the airport.

Modern architecture in Shanghai in the Pudong New Area (Click to enlarge image)

We arrived at Shanghai and a bus took us to our Ritz Carleton Hotel about 7:15 p.m. The street lighting was fantastic - much of it was set up for Expo, which was in Shanghai at that time. Dinner was at the hotel for those who could eat. Mitch came to us and said that he heard we had Yangtze gold, otherwise known as Imodium - his wife was sick. One woman said that 70% of her group were sick. I estimated that 35% of our bus group were sick.

The next morning at 8:45 we were off to the bus, on our way to the Shanghai Museum, which was very good: stone sculpture, ceramics, jade, and for Pat, furniture. The shop was the best yet. Then we went to the Bund, which provides a Yin and Yang contrast of old buildings from the days of foreign concessions (many banks, trading houses and hotels), with the flashy high rises and incredible modern architecture across the river in the Pudong New Area. The lunch spot had a huge display of expensive needlework, and we learned that some pieces took two to three years to complete. Some look liked photos. Realistic animal eyes used many colours to create gradual shading.

Dragon ornamentation in Yuyuan Gardens, Shanghai. (Click to enlarge image)

Next we went to the Yuyuan Gardens, which is a picture a minute except it is so crowded one is lucky to get decent shots. The park is surrounded by commercial places, but then this is the city where economics rule (rather like Alberta). Peace and tranquility would be wonderful.

At 5:45 we were off to the farewell dinner, which was good, surprising many since it was at a Howard Johnson Hotel. We got to the theatre just in time, as the lights were dimming when we took our seats. The acrobatic show was excellent: gymnasts, jugglers, contortionists, and a magician-illusionist: lots of incredible balance, strength, flexibility, agility and timing. We were in bed at 10:00.

Mitch had been out the night before and reported that the best time to take night pictures was about 7:00 p.m. when there was still a little natural light. He walked a ways and discovered that the city turned the lights out at 10:00 p.m. - no North American approach, with big buildings lit up at all hours. There´s almost no crime there - maybe criminals can´t see in the dark.

On our last morning, Pat packed and we went for breakfast about 8:30. We saw Jim and Fay and learned that he had had stomach problems too. Then on our 22nd floor, we met Lise and Real. He had lost six pounds in two days, but claimed he was feeling better. Later we learned that he was sick on the plane home.

Our son picked us up at the airport and home looked good. I had a milder two-day recurrence of my illness, but I would not have missed this trip for anything. I particularly loved Beijing and Xian; Pat thoroughly enjoyed Shanghai. If anyone thinks they are going to drive there, I have one suggestion: don´t. I would suggest skipping the Three Gorges cruise and going to Guilin instead.

The end.

ED. NOTE: For two of Lyle´s pictures of Shanghai, go to http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/ or

http://nw-seniors.org/stories.html

From Lew Carter´s News, here is one woman´s answer to

A COMMONLY ASKED QUESTION

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his home. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all over the front yard. The front door was open and so was the back.

Inside he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the living room the TV was blaring loudly, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen the sink was filled with dirty dishes and food was spilled on the counter and the floor. A broken glass lay under the table and there was a small pile of sand by the back door.

Quickly he headed upstairs looking for his wife. He found her lying in bed.

"Sweetheart," he said "are you sick? Why didn´t you call me?"

"I´m not sick" she replied. "I feel fine."

"But what´s going on?"

"You know you come home every day and you ask me what in the world did I do today?

"Well, today I didn´t do it."

Pat Moore sends this imaginative list. While some if not all of them have already been heavily forwarded in e-mails across the country, it´s a useful rundown. It is widely credited to the great "Jargon" column in Wired magazine, but research on its precise derivation turned up nothing specific. So our thanks and apologies to the author, if just one exists.

NEW WORDS FOR 2010

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, complains about everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.

MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation´s answer to the couch potato.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

404: Someone who is clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you´ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an e-mail by mistake.)

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESKTOP

The new year marks the beginning of my 17th year of publishing The Tale Spinner.

It began with my letter to CARP asking for online penpals (keypals?). I received 40 replies, and decided that as I could not possibly correspond with so many people, I would share the letters I received and also the addresses, so that they might write to each other. That was before we knew what a bad idea it is to publish e-mail addresses, but perhaps there were not so many spammers back then.

I created a newsletter which was called The Sansumite at the suggestion of a reader, with a suitcase for a masthead. In 1996 it was renamed The Tale Spinner. The mailing list grew steadily until at its peak there were nearly 200 subscribers. It has shrunk over the years, and as I have mentioned before, some of the subscribers have disappeared, due perhaps to the growing number of servers using filters. I have no way of knowing when they are lost because none of those undelivered letters bounce, and if subscribers do not tell me they are no longer getting the Spinner, they are cut off. To those who let me know, I send individual copies.

Over the years we have shared many stories from subscribers: everything from childhood memories to war stories to tales of adventure, travels, people, and pets. Among other stories, Dixie Augusteijn wrote about the years she spent in South America; Ernest Blaschke, Geoff Shorten, Gerrit deLeeuw, Peter Weatherby, and Zvonko Springer described some of their wartime experiences; Betty Audet, Geoff Goodship, Kate Brookfield, Lotte Evans, Margaret Manning, and recently, Pat Moore and Lyle Meeres wrote about their travels. Dick Monaghan told hilarious stories about Miss Kate, and Jim Olson sent us poetry. Those who forwarded jokes are too numerous to mention... These are just a few of those who contributed to The Spinner over the years - it takes a lot of stories to fill weekly editions of a newsletter for 16 years!*

We have lost some of our contributors too: Dick Monaghan, Ernest Blaschke, Geoff Shorten, Jack Peaker have died. We miss them.

The Spinner has been published online for some years. Now they are included in Burke Dykes´ Northwest Seniors Online out of Seattle, and on my son Jay´s site, which he established for the sole purpose of publishing the newsletter. The websites have an advantage over my e-mail edition: they include pictures that illustrate the stories, and Jay´s site embeds many of the recommended videos. My thanks to them both for their meticulous attention to detail and all the time they devote to the Spinner.

What lies ahead? That is up to you, the subscribers who tell the stories and forward the jokes and articles and suggest websites. We have come a long way together and shared many memories and laughs, and with luck and perseverance, we may share many more.

* It must be the librarian in me, because all names are in alphabetical order.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway forwards this link to a video that will inspire golfers with envy:

Bruce also sends this link to a video of Macau:

Jay found this video and others in the series through Netflix.ca, which he is trying out for a month. It is called Top Gear, and is of interest to anyone who drives a car, watches cop shows, or enjoys British humour:

For incredible space pictures from ISS by NASA astronaut Col. Douglas Wheelock, go to

No words are needed for the story told in this video called Reunion:

Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women. In this TED lecture, he advises men not to "act like a man."Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the "man box."