Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-05

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Lyle Meeres continues his story of their tour of New Zealand
• Carol Hansen writes about her efforts to downsize
• Tom Williamson sends quotes about grandparents
• Zvonko Springer´s story is about life after death
• Catherine Nesbit forwards this one about a pragmatic cab driver
• Pat Moore sends a story about a senior with a question about sex
• Sites are recommended by Catherine Nesbitt, Geoff Goodship, Nevil Horsfall, and Tony Lewis

Lyle Meeres and his party have crossed to the South Island on their trip

AROUND THE ISLANDS IN 21 DAYS

The drive from Kaikoura to Christchurch provides some striking coastal views, but the road moves inland for portions of the drive, so periodically the view is lost.

We arrived in Christchurch (population 310,000) and found our B&B, Dorothy´s Boutique Hotel, a remarkable 1916 Edwardian house, taking its name from The Wizard of Oz. Christchurch has its own wizard, a man in a black costume with a tall, pointed black hat, who makes pronouncements on the condition of the world, rather like a Hyde Park speaker - and Christchurch does reflect England in several ways. For one thing, we went punting on the Avon River, and enjoyed the bridges and the trees which overhung the stream.

At the B&B, our room was the Queen´s Suite, which had a royalty theme; other rooms featured beautiful Japanese art. The Botanical Gardens of Christchurch had attractive walks through stately trees and more flowers than we expected, considering it was fall. We could have viewed Christchurch from trams which make a one-and-a-half-mile circuit around the city centre. Instead, the next morning we took a gondola ride which provides 360-degree views. We also walked out on the long wharf at New Brighton Beach and watched surfers and swimmers. When we were walking, intending to find a place for lunch, a woman walking just ahead of us turned and suggested a street that had character and several good eating places with indoor and outdoor seating.

Christchurch was an excellent stop. By the way, pedestrians walk on the left, the way they drive - and pedestrians are an endangered species: use the "zebra walks," crosswalks with white painted, angled stripes.

From Christchurch to Dunedin we drove a lot of flat land interspersed with twisty sections that provided the odd ocean view. Along the way we stopped to see the Moeraki boulders, which resemble huge battle-scarred marbles. The ocean did not throw up the boulders; rather, chemicals formed around crystals like pearls some sixty to sixty-five million years ago. The largest boulder would weigh about seven tons. Erosion reveals what looks like a series of veins, so the surface is intriguing. The spherical boulders did come in smaller sizes, but people have carried those away. The rocks got to the beach when the hillside eroded and the boulders were washed down to the shore, where they are half buried in sand.

In the 1860s, Dunedin was New Zealand´s wealthiest city, with a strong Scottish influence. In fact, "Dunedin" is Gaelic for Edinburgh. Today, Dunedin has a population of 120,000. In the past the harbour and nearby goldfields drew people. The many hills make for steep roads, some of which are one-way. Although architecture draws attention, today most tourists are drawn to the nearby Otago Peninsula and its exceptional wildlife: an albatross colony, yellow- eyed penguins, and fur seals in particular.

We drove to Te Anau in rain, which is not surprising since that part of the west coast is nicknamed the "Wet Coast" as a consequence of rain falling two out of three days. We saw lots of sheep along the way, a common sight, and deer behind tall fences. We admired the lake at Te Anau and nearby Lake Manapouri. Though some buses drive to Milford Sound all the way from Queenstown, Te Anau provides more convenient access. As we approached Milford Sound the weather cleared.

Steve, our tour guide, said that in the nine years he worked there, he had never gone to Milford Sound under constant blue skies, but by the time we got there our day came close. The drive offers several attractive views such as Mirror Lakes, waterfalls, mountains and valleys. Near the Homer Tunnel, blasted through the rock over a period of years, we saw what the guide described as a unique waterfall flowing uphill. The winds were so strong in that area that the water was swept upward, visible to us at a considerable distance.

When we stopped to see another waterfall, we also saw a kea, a protected grey-green alpine parrot that attacks ski bindings and any loose parts on cars, such as windshield wipers or window mouldings. While we snapped pictures, a car driver was busy trying to frighten the bird away from his car. Actually the possum, an introduced mammal, is a greater pest. We saw many dead possums along the highway.

Milford Sound (Click to enlarge)

On the way to Milford Sound, we were much impressed by the beauty of the mountain beech trees, and by the moss and lichens hanging from trees, proclaiming that the air was of good quality since the growtahs festooning the trees are very sensitive to pollution. At the Chasm, tourists are meant to admire the stream-carved rocks, but we found the trees nearly as intriguing since one could imagine filming knights riding through them, partially cloaked in the mists of time. The rocks reminded us of Maligne Canyon near Jasper.

Milford Sound deserves its reputation for beauty, right from the first view of Mitre Peak. Steep cliffs drop sharply to the ocean, and our boat tour revealed one waterfall after another. Some of the waterfalls are delicate and temporary, depending on rain or melting snow. Others fling themselves with power over the cliff edges. On the return, the boat toured the opposite shore, giving us a view of access to the Tasman Sea. The crew put up the sails briefly and I think impressed more than our prairie group. After these Milford Sound sights that lived up to their billings, we wished we had time for the eight-hour tour of Doubtful Sound, or that we were young enough to hike the Milford Track.

To be concluded.

CORRESPONDENCE

Carol Hansen writes: I enjoyed your article on getting rid of "stuff". I am trying to do that now. We had our kitchen and hallways painted and I am hoping to discard a lot of things and pack other things such as framed photos, away. The hardest part will be getting my husband to part with things.

I also should take to heart the idea of getting rid of clothes that I don´t wear, mainly because they no longer fit....

Tom Williamson forwards these quotes for all of us who have become

GRANDPARENTS

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. - author unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars´ worth of pleasure. - Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just ´antique´ little girls. - author unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. - Welsh Proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. - author unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you´re just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. - Pam Brown

Grandchildren don´t stay young forever, which is good because grandfathers have only so many horsy rides in them. - Gene Perret

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. - Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. - author unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. - author unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I´d have had them first. - Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I´m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it too. - Gene Perret

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! - Hannah Whithall Smith

It´s such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that´s why the world calls her grandmother. - author unknown

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. - Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby´s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. - Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self- defense. - Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. - author unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. - Alex Haley

Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. - author unknown

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. - author unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. - Joy Hargrove

It´s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. - author unknown

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you´re the grandma. - Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. - author unknown

Grandchildren don´t make a man feel old; it´s the knowledge that he´s married to a grandmother. - G. Norman Collie

Zvonko Springer sends this reassuring story of

LIFE AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Judy ... Judy!"

"Is that you, George?"

"Yes, I´ve come back like we agreed."

"That´s wonderful! What´s it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it´s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you´d be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it´s back to golf course again. Then it´s more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, George ... are you in Heaven?"

"No ... I´m a rabbit in Kansas."

HOME SAFE AND SOUND

I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. I got really plastered. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took the bus home.

I arrived safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven one before.

Catherine Nesbitt forwards the story of

THE PRAGMATIC CABBIE

A stark-naked drunken woman jumped into a vacant cab.

The East Indian driver was immediately beside himself and just kept on staring at the woman. He made no attempt to start the car.

"What´s wrong with you? Haven´t you ever seen a naked white woman before?"

"I´ll not be staring at you, lady; I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from."

"Well, if you´re not bloody staring at me, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am telling you: I am thinking to myself, where are you keeping the money to be paying me with?"

Pat Moore sends this one:

A QUESTION ABOUT SENIOR SEX

An elderly married couple in their 80s scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to ask me?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man.

"After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I´m usually cold and chilly."

The doctor was impressed with the octogenarian´s performance, yet baffled and had no answer for the old man.

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then sai: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the secondtime. Do you know why?"

"Oh, that crazy old coot!" she replied.

"That´s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Catherine Nesbitt sends a link to a senior version of synchronized swimming:

Geoff Goodship suggests this BBC video of a very enthusiastic Dr. Hans Rosling explaining the past 200 years of world progress in only four minutes using a fascinating graph:

Nevil Horsfall suggests this site for a video of a dog "singing" while playing the piano:

Tony Lewis writes: This video shows Bill Cosby meeting a southern grandmother, who really upstages the famous comic:

For a clever version of the tango, go to

Teach your kids (or yourself) typing and spelling the alarmingly addictive way. Hit enter, then type the words you see, and they get blown up:

In this funny and insightful talk from TED, builder Dan Phillips tours us through a dozen homes he´s built in Texas using recycled and reclaimed materials in wildly creative ways. Brilliant, low-tech design details will refresh your own creative drive: