Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-08

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Terry Remin is on her way to a new life in Australia
• Carol Hansen writes about cleaning silver the best way
• Pat Moore forwards the story of a an assistant reading dog
• Gerrit deLeeuw sends a joke about a lawyer
• This tale shows that garter snakes can be dangerous
• Catherine Nesbitt adds to our store of blonde jokes
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Catherine Nesbitt, Pat Moore, and Tom Williamson

Terry Remin writes about the next step on her journey to

A NEW LIFE

I had made a few attempts to book a room before I left for Hawaii, but I really wanted to just wing it and live in the moment. I arrived in Honolulu around 8 p.m., and after retrieving my luggage, I looked around the airport, found a bulletin board with some accommodations listed, called and made a reservation. I hopped into an airport shuttle and promptly could not remember the name of the hotel. I threw out what I thought was the name and the shuttle driver ended up taking me to a hotel in Waikiki. Living in the moment wherever it takes me ... not such a great idea.

I was tired and decided to book for two nights so I could get oriented. I ended up getting a little suite. I went out to the store and picked up milk for morning tea and headed to bed. It had been a long day.

In the morning I got up and went out onto my balcony. It was a lovely hot day but I discovered my neighbour across the street was a motor cycle rental shop. The bikes were pretty noisy, Harleys starting up and revving, so I didn´t stay out there long.

I needed to find accommodation so I got online and started looking. It took a lot of time so I took a break and headed out to go see the famous Waikiki Beach and to check out the local hostels near the beach to see what they were like. The beach was only a block away and not that big. It was surrounded by the usual tourist traps - malls, markets and shopping. The hostel I looked at was dirty and I was not very impressed. I wandered around a bit, looking through the markets. It was hard to enjoy shopping when I knew whatever I bought I would have to carry! Besides, I was no longer into accumulating stuff.

I went back to my hotel after soaking up some sun and got back online to find my next home away from home. After much searching I stumbled onto a retreat-type place on a bamboo farm called Kahau Omlio Bamboo Retreat. It said that it was an organic bamboo farm that was a very spiritual place. Sounded just like the place I needed to chill out and catch my breath after the whirlwind last two months. I had promised myself a rest and it looked like just the place, so I booked it for seven days.

The woman who answered the phone said it was off the beaten path and I would need a car to get there, so I rented a car. I was reluctant to get a car as I was also tired of driving and wanted to do a lot of walking, so I only booked it for the seven days I would be there. Next I had to book my flight. It was amazing how long it all took.

I went out and wandered around the markets and the beachfront, looking at all the things on offer, the buskers and markets, and watched a Hawaiian dance show. I did end up bargaining for two rings that I really like - they were small enough to carry. I had a mediocre meal and headed to bed. Real party animal!

The next morning I made my way to the airport to catch my flight to Maui and discovered I had missed my flight. I learned a valuable lesson. I was so used to getting everything electronically that I had forgotten to write things down on paper. Fortunately, they only charged me a $20 fee to change to the next flight. The plane was small and the flight only took half an hour so I was there in no time. I picked up my car and map and headed to the farm. They had recommended an organic grocery store, so I stopped along the way to stock up.

When I arrived I knew it was the right place to be. After I got settled, I went to do some exploring and found the most amazing statues and things to look at. My room was called the Indian Room and had a huge bed and lovely decor. I was surrounded by big windows. I discovered the ocean was a 30-minute climb down a steep bank so I never did go there. It was only a rocky beach anyway. That was a bit disappointing, but I would have lots of opportunity to see ocean.

The first day I wandered down to the waterfall and enjoyed some contemplation time but I found I was exhausted, so I retired to my lovely room and read my book. In the coming days I was unable to do much activity between getting used to the heat and the exhaustion. It was difficult to slow down the pace I had developed in the last two months to get everything done before I left, but as I got rested and stronger, I started to enjoy the long peaceful breakfasts outside and reading my book in the hammock chair by the pond, wandering around the beautiful property exploring and taking pictures, visiting with the workers and other guests, going for short drives to explore the island, enjoying life.

The farm was worked by WOOFERS - people from all over the world who traded their time working on organic farms in exchange for room and board. I had made arrangements with one of the workers from Sweden to go to the beach on Saturday, hoping for an opportunity to swim with the dolphins. Luckily I felt better, so we set off for the day. We did see dolphins and the other woman went out snorkeling. The dolphins come into this bay to sleep. She explained to me that they are the only animal that can shut off one side of their brain while they sleep so they do not sink in the water and drown. As a result they swim in circles in their pod.

We were warned by the gaming police and signs not to disturb them - that it was against the law. A fellow went in the water and went right among them. The other woman spoke with him and he said he was a resident and went out every morning to swim with them. The dolphins had followed him in when he left, so we were fortunate to be there and see them so close. We went further up to the sandy beaches to do some sun baking and splashing in the ocean and then drove up island to Lahaini. We returned in the evening, having spent a lovely day.

I finally met the woman who owned the farm. She does a therapy called Body Mind Morphing. I was curious about what she did, so I booked a time with her and enjoyed the experience.

To be continued.

CORRESPONDENCE

Referring to a helpful hint in the video about aluminum foil, Carol Hansen writes: I collect antique sterling silver teaspoons and commemorative silver-plate spoons. I also LOVE my sterling silver flatware. I would never use the aluminum foil method to remove tarnish for many reasons. For one thing, you will not get a shiny finish, but there are also risks involved. OTOH, you may not care. My son cleaned all the silver-plate flatware I had given them and used the aluminum foil method. He was thrilled and so was his wife. I told him it wasn´t a good idea, but they didn´t care; it was easy. Maybe I am strange, but I actually enjoy polishing my silver using a paste, especially my teaspoons. I enjoy remembering where I got the spoons, and who I was with.

Carol included these tips from others: The hot water foil method does work but please be careful. It can ruin your silver. The best fastest creme is Wright´s silver polish and it not only cleans, but protects your silver. If you have silver that you don´t use everyday, why not invest in some Silvercloth? You can buy it by the yard and make some drawstring bags to store your silver in. Lots of places on the internet sell it. It is impregnated with silver so when you store your silver in it, it does not tarnish. This is the safest way to store your silver. The fabric sells for about $17.00 a yard but a yard of fabric makes alot of bags. Plus some internet sites run sales as low as $6.95 a yard. It is called Silvercloth or Pacific Cloth.

Another post: Be very careful with this method, since the solution along with the aluminum foil can totally ruin your silver, especially if you have any plate. The sterling can be pocked-marked when done.

Pat Moore forwards this story about a

READING ASSISTANCE DOG

Judy Grumbling in Southside, West Virginia, tells about the important work that her dog Zoe does. Zoe is a Rottweiler who went through training and a great deal of testing to receive the title of "therapy dog". She also has a Canine Good Citizen certificate. However, the therapy that she does is really quite different than most work that therapy dogs do.

The R.E.A.D. (Read Education Assistance Dogs) program helps children work on their reading skills. It may sound silly, but children read aloud to dogs. And it works! Children who are slow readers are embarrassed to read aloud in front of peers, who may ridicule them. Reading shouldn´t be stressful; it should be fun! And who knows better about fun and how to be an attentive pal than a dog? This is where Zoe comes in.

Zoe sits quietly and listens while children read to her. With Zoe´s unwavering attention, the children feel she is soaking up every word. Judy writes that she and Zoe have been doing this work for three years and to date 130 children have moved up in reading levels under Zoe´s watchful gaze. Instead of feeling like outcasts, the children feel as if they are given special treatment with a dog for a friend.

Judy has watched many shy children go from low slow embarrassed reading to excited participation. She feels that Zoe has opened a door for many children who have gone from hating to read to loving to read books. Judy is proud to have such an amazing companion who does such wonderful work.

Gerrit deLeeuw sends another in the long line of

LAWYER JOKES

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver´s door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief.

"I can´t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don´t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

This is a tall tale that bears repeating:

GARTER SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS.

Garden grass snakes, also known as garter snakes, can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here´s why:

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing many of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.The attendants rushed in, wouldn´t listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

That´s when the man broke his leg and why he was in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbour man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled- up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted; the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbour, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbour´s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband´s mouth on the woman´s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man´s throat.

By now the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.

One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbours, who called the fire department.

The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That´s when he shot her.

Catherine Nesbitt forwards

ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow´s stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?´"

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, says, "Tell me, lady, ´cause I´m dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That´s simple," she says. "By the nail that´s over its stall."

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it´s to hang your pants on."

(It´s nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile.)

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway sends this link to a site that will keep your brain sharp. Move your cursor over the numbers starting with 1, then 2, etc., and see how fast you can get through 33. You don´t need to click - just touch the number with the cursor.

Bruce also forwards the URL for a video of Frank Sinatra singing "Send in the Clowns", accompanied by clips of famous early movie clowns, with a comment by Orson Welles at the end:

Catherine Nesbitt suggests this site for a video of a dancing dog:

Pat Moore and Tom Williamson sent this link to an amazing BBC video of humans living in the wildest places on earth:

Technology exists to suck unlimited amounts of water out of the air, even in desert climates. Not inexpensive yet - but clearly, it is most beneficial in any environment where bottled water is the ONLY option, and this invention holds a very exciting promise for anywhere that has a water shortage. This video was produced by the Miami-based NBC6 News:

Halla Tomasdottir managed to take her company, Audur Capital, through the eye of the financial storm in Iceland by applying five traditionally "feminine" values to financial services. In this video, she talks about these values and the importance of balance.

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to