Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-09

---

IN THIS ISSUE

• Terry Renin is spending time in a Hawaiian retreat
• Carol Dilworth is enjoying Terry´s story
• Pat Moore sends some cynical definitions
• Catherine Nesbitt tells of one man´s request for a raise
• These supposed student bloopers are questionable but funny
• Gerrit deLeeuw´s story tells why you shouldn´t mess with old men
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Pat Moore, and Tom Williamson

Terry Remin is staying in a retreat in a bamboo farm in Hawaii as she begins her

NEW LIFE

I had supper with a young Korean fellow, a Swiss fellow, and one from Spain. It was delightful to be in the company of people who loved to travel like I do. We had a great discussion about our respective countries and the places we had visited, and our philosophies surrounding these things. I was glad I was around other people and not alone in a hotel or condo.

I went to bed with a smile on my face, thinking that I couldn´t be in a better place after all. The revelers sang to Karaoke and as the night progressed it got louder. I smiled at how much fun they were all having with their new-found friends far from their homes and families, and I embraced my new best friend - my ear plugs.

Christmas Day was pretty quiet as a lot of people went on a hike up a mountain for the day. The hostel offered free tours daily with the only requirement, a tip for the driver. Many of the staff were trying to earn money over and above their room, which they worked around the hostel two hours a day to pay for. Some enterprising people cooked breakfasts and suppers, and sold them as well to augment their earnings.

The hostels actually offer you all the services you need: free internet, so I was able to be in touch with everyone, a place to cook, laundry facilities, a private room when I needed to be alone, and company whenever I wanted it.

I made some breakfast and went outside to eat in the garden. We were surrounded by lemon trees and palm trees and there was a Douglas fir for a Christmas tree near the door. I sat out in the shade, chatting with my friend on Skype till I started to feel little raindrops and took my laptop inside.I went to my room to continue answering e-mails. I tried all morning to buy some Skype minutes and was not successful, so I finally called Mom collect by payphone.

I spent the afternoon in my room thinking, "What I wouldn´t do for a coke slurpy right about now!" as I sat in my lime-green bedroom with a yellow door, against the big open window overlooking the back, and listening to the sun shower: liquid sunshine gently falling through the leaves of the trees, drip, drip dripping. The people who were around were on their laptops or talking on their cell phones calling their families, or watching movies, so it was quiet and peaceful. It was nice to read my book for awhile and have an afternoon snooze.

On boxing day I ran across the massage fellow at a craft sale in Wailuku and indulged in another massage - 20 minutes for $25. It all helps to move energy. My last few days were spent writing, reading, and trying to find accommodation in Sydney.

My plan was to do some kind of trip and move north to visit some friends . Because Sydney´s New Years is a big celebration with a huge world-renowned fireworks display on the harbour near the opera house, all the hostels were booked. I came upon a site called "airbnb", where people offered rooms in their homes to rent, and I managed to find a room in Lane Cove, Sydney, for $35/night.

I promised myself a Lomi Lomi massage before I left Hawaii and I was fortunate to find one near the hostel. I had had an incredible Lomi Lomi massage in Sylvan Lake, Alberta, just 1/2 hour from Red Deer, from a Hawaiian fellow who came there to visit, and I experienced an awesome massage. The woman in Sydney giving the Lomi Lomi massage had learned it from her Hawaiian grandmother, and had been doing it for 10 years. She worked and worked on my shoulders and my hands and when I left, I felt beat up but knew that I had got what I had been asking for - a wonderful massage. I felt like a new person, and I was ready for the next leg of my journey.

To be continued.

CORRESPONDENCE

Carol Dilworth writes: Great newsletter! I am enjoying the "getting rid and taking off" article very much.

Pat Moore sends these

REALISTIC CYNICAL DEFINITIONS

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: An agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books which people praise but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Catherine Nesbitt sends this one about

HOW TO GET A RAISE

Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Yes.

I won´t beat around the bush. sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

I understand your position, and I know that the current economic downturn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to thiscompany for over a decade.

Taking into account these factors, and considering I don´t want to start a brain drain, I´m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Great! It´s a deal! Thank you, sir!

Before you go, just out of curiosity: what companies are after you?

Oh - the electric company, gas company, water company and the mortgage company!

These are supposed to be student bloopers, but they had been flying around the net before the book about mistakes made by students was published, according to Snopes:

SO-CALLED STUDENT BLOOPERS

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their boots.

Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while travelling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.

Nero was a cruel tyrant who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Many of the Indian heroes were killed, which proved very fatal to them.

Martin Luther died a horrible death. He was excommunicated by a bull.

Henry VIII had an abbess on his knee, which made walking difficult.

Shakespeare wrote tragedies, comedies, and errors.

Donatello´s interest in the female nude made him the father of the Renaissance.

Milton wrote "Paradise Lost"; then when his wife died he wrote "Paradise Regained.

Columbus was a great navigator who cursed about the Atlantic.

The 19th century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote "The Organ of the Species." Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Gerrit deLeeuw sends this illustration of why

YOU SHOULD NEVER MESS WITH OLD MEN

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you´re gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man´s feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the oldtimer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man´s hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule´s ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but I´ve always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.

Don´t waste ammunition.

Whiskey makes you think you´re smarter than you are.

Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

Don´t mess with old men; they didn´t get old by being stupid.

SUGGESTED SITES

For virtuoso violin playing, listen to Itzhak Perlman playing Bazzini in a concert in Russia, sent by Bruce Galway:

Pat Moore sends this link to another jukebox site which allows you to listen to your favourites:

Tom Williamson writes: Want to see why the Germans have a positive trade balance, in spite of paying workers some of the highest wages in the world? Watch this:

Tom also suggests this video of an unusual partnership:

Some of this may seem familiar to you. Award-winning cabaret singer Pam Peterson sings a funny parody about the challenges of a faulty memory:

Womanshare is a group of women in New York City who trade services. 100 women belong now to this skills exchange group, a system of barter that comes with benefits aside from saving some cash:deepening community, learning from each other, and making friends:

Labour activist Auret van Heerden talks about the next frontier of workers´ rights - globalized industries where no single national body can keep workers safe and protected. How can we keep our global supply chains honest? Van Heerden makes the business case for fair labour:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to