Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-20

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Lyle Meeres continues his description of their trip to Ireland
• Bruce Galway forwards a letter written from summer camp
• Marilyn Magid tells the story of a truly evil woman
• Zvonko Springer sends new interpretations of old proverbs
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Catherine Green, Pat Moore, and Tom Williamson

Lyle Meeres and his wife and friend have reached Kilkenny on their tour of

IRELAND BY BUS AND CAR

(Click images to enlarge)

We walked a bit of the town and found it a good place to be. We drove back to the B&B and planned to return to the castle area for dinner. However, our left front tire was almost flat. I phoned the AA number in our Irish Car Rental agreement. With no charge to us, a man came from Waterford, took off the flat tire, put on the spare, put air in it, and told me that the next day I was to go to Kilkenny to TC Tires to get the rim pounded out, to get the tire balanced, the flat tire checked, and the air pressure in the spare tire checked.

By then it was dark and I didn´t want to drive. Tony, Margaret´s husband, kindly drove us to town (in the fast lane) to the door of Langton´s, where we had a wonderful meal of stir fry, sole, and mussels.

We took a taxi back to Hillgrove for 7.30 Euros. I gave the driver a tip and he gave most of it back saying, "That´s too much." We were impressed. There isn´t much tipping in Ireland.

We expected to waste most of the morning of September 16th getting the tire and rim fixed. After a very good breakfast, accompanied by Tony´s teasing, we drove to town, found TC Tire readily, and after a few minutes doing everything that was to be done, the man charged us 10 Euros and we were on our way.

Unfortunately, at the bottom of the hill I failed to spot the narrow road that is the right turn lane so we went through the town once more. We had to retrace our steps and this time we did find Margaret´s suggested parking spot. Give me a year there and I would find my way around!

We walked to the Rothe House, a 1594 Tudor merchant´s house that surrounds two courtyards. Then we walked to the Black Abbey, where we particularly liked what I guess shows our lack of taste: the modern stained glass. The older stained glass dated to the 14th century. We also saw the Tholsel (city hall) and an alley called the "Butter Slip." We ate at Kyteler´s Inn, which was also medieval and supposedly housed a 14th century witch. After a ploughman´s lunch, we walked back to the car.

Rain turned into a downpour. We had intended to drive to Jerpoint Abbey, but opted for the craft shops at nearby Bennetsbridge. We visited a leather shop where most purses cost over 300 Euros, and a pottery shop where pieces had sponge stamp finishing, but done with precision and interesting patterns. We decided to have tea there to wait out the rain. It waited us out and finally we drove back to our B&B.

We realized that if we drove to Kilkenny and walked to dinner, we would get soaked. As a result, we chose to drive to the Italian restaurant at Bennetsbridge, because we could park right at the restaurant. Good choice! The food was superb. Sadly, the place only had two other diners. It had opened four months ago. Thinking it deserved a better fate, we drove back to our B&B, where we sent other customers to the restaurant.

After breakfast we drove to see the Rock of Cashel. Our first glimpse was from a distance and it was an impressive sight. It looked like a castle set on a hill that rose sharply from flat land around it. We took a tour, which included seeing St. Patrick´s cross (a duplicate was outside, while the real one was in the museum), Cormac´s Chapel with Romanesque carvings, a roofless cathedral with very thick walls, and a round tower that was the oldest building on the site. From the 5th century, this was the seat of kings of Munster until it was handed over to the church. A siege by Cromwell led to the slaughter of thousands at Cashel.

After lunch at a pub, we drove back to the B&B and then onto the narrow, twisty, busy roads leading to Jerpoint Abbey, founded in 1160, another worthwhile visit. The stone carvings of the 15th and 16th century were varied and interesting: knights, ladies, dragons, bishops, and saints decorated tombs and the columns supporting a series of attractive arches.

Dinner was at Kyteler´s Inn in Kilkenny. Our table was downstairs, where numerous rough stone arches and a dark atmosphere created a feeling appropriate for the local witch. We all enjoyed Irish stew. Oddly enough, the people at the next table had tried to get space at Hillgrove and had stopped in for directions. After chatting for a while, he asked who was driving, and gave me a thumbs up. As a friend said in an e-mail to Donna before we left Canada, driving in Ireland is an experience that drivers hope to end safely and soon. Road signs tell how many have been killed along each county highway. The colourful county flags are a prettier sight, reflecting pride in sporting matches which are loudly cheered but with more good nature than some at home.

On September 18, we left Kilkenny for Cahir. The road was quieter than the road to Cashel, with fewer trucks since it was Saturday. Construction got us a bit twisted up at Cahir but we found the Cahir Castle. The tour guide gave us an interesting tour, emphasizing the defences that people used against attackers. Several of these were quite ingenious, like stairs that would cause knights to place their swords in their left hands. The stairs were staggered at different heights so people unaccustomed to them would want to look at their feet. People who shot arrow at the attackers could fire 60 of them per minute and there were chutes to pour down hot oil. Safer to stay at home...

We got back to the rental car to find a pink slip folded under the windshield wiper. Apparently Irish Car Rentals had an out-of-date disk on the car. At least two kinds of these disks are attached to the inside of the windshield and updated periodically. I went to the Tourist Information office and found out that the ticket applied only to the car owners.

We left Cahir and drove a short distance over a narrow road to the Swiss Cottage. The entrance was not clearly marked. When we got inside we found that we had to wait for the next tour, so we took pictures of the outside. No photos are allowed inside. The tour provided information without inspiration. The cottage is a folly, an ornamental building, in this case intended to reflect nature´s variety. It is the opposite of Castle Coole, where everything had to be symmetrical. Here, if there were three windows in one area, one might be a triangle, another a semi-circle, and the third a rectangle. The veranda that surrounded the cottage was supported by tree trunks so that it fit in with nature. Views from the windows showed individual sides of nature such as the river, a forest, and a field which deer might visit. Wallpaper was on a nature theme. The thatched roof made the exterior seem larger than the interior, as did the veranda, but there were only four rooms.

To get back to our road, we drove through Cahir once again. After making our way through the construction, we realized we were heading the wrong way and had to turn around and go back past the castle. In Ireland, men could learn to ask for directions.

Kinsale

Lunch at Mitchelstown was in a packed deli. We were directed to a table with a fairly young Irish couple already seated. The man told us how to get through Cork and onto the road to Kinsale: go through a tunnel under the water, past the airport, and onto the twisty road to Kinsale. Mitchelstown itself had vehicles parked nose to nose as well as nose to tail along the main street which was the highway. The directions worked nicely. We made our way safely to Kinsale, which had a beautiful setting.

We parked near the Tourist Bureau and got fresh directions to our B&B, "Bayview." Because the streets were so narrow, we walked part of the route to be certain we knew what to expect. Then we drove it. Once again my guide book said whatever you do, do not drive through Kinsale, but this time we had no choice. We found the B&B a bit further out of town than we expected, but it was modern, bright, and cheery, and our hostess, Kathleen, was very helpful. We drove to a church parking lot that Kathleen suggested for parking and had the set early bird dinner at Max´s, a place mentioned by Kathleen. When we walked back to our car, vehicles had parked down the middle between rows. However, a helpful fellow showed up immediately and directed us out of our cramped space.

To be continued.

Though it may seem unlikely that summer will ever come, the time will arrive when kids head off to camp. Here is a letter from such a camp forwarded by Bruce Galway:

LETTER FROM SCOUT CAMP

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam´s mother and tell her he is okay. He can´t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn´t been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn´t hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn´t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn´t his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that´s probably why he can´t get insurance.

We think it´s a super bus. He doesn´t care if we get it dirty, and if it´s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don´t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren´t any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn´t let me because I can´t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it´s concrete because we didn´t have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn´t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn´t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I´m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don´t worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it´s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster´s tent.

Marilyn Magid forwards the story of

AN EVIL WOMAN

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I´m afraid I can´t," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender´s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to gently taste them.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered,

"There´s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies´ room."

Zvonko Springer sends this story:

A NEW INTERPRETATION OF PROVERBS

A first-grade school teacher had 26 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It´s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. Keep in mind that these are first-graders, six-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don´t change horses until they stop running.

2. Strike while the bug is close.

3. It´s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but How?

6. Don´t bite the hand that looks dirty.7. No news is impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a Mr.

9. You can´t teach an old dog new math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you´ll stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust me.

12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.

13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.

14. Where there´s smoke there´s pollution.

15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is not much.

17. Two´s company, three´s the Musketeers.

18. Don´t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don´t succeed get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than pregnant.

ED. NOTE: These were probably not actually written by first graders, but are still funny....

SUGGESTED SITES

Bruce Galway sends a link to a video of a cat that likes boxes:

Catherine Green forwards this link to a video of how to tease your dog:

Pat Moore sends the URL for a video of an artist carving a decorative candle into a design that is almost too attractive to light:

Tom Williamson suggests this link to a video of a car for all seasons: it also flies:

As web companies strive to tailor their services (including news and search results) to our personal tastes, there´s a dangerous unintended consequence: We get trapped in a "filter bubble" and don´t get exposed to information that could challenge or broaden our worldview. Eli Pariser argues powerfully that this will ultimately prove to be bad for us and bad for democracy:

This site has very clever drawings metamorphosing into other forms:

Annie Leonard, the creator of The Story of Stuff, has created another video, this one about the mountains of electronic waste from manufacturers who keep "designing for the dump." There are Product Take Back laws gaining traction in Europe and Asia that may begin to make companies accountable for their products, toxicity and all. Indeed, some companies may have begun to accept the return of their products here: I needed a new toner for my laser printer, and it came packed in a box with instructions on how to repack it to return it to the manufacturer when its life span is over. Watch the video at

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to

http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/freedictionarytestpageV2.html