Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-21

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Lyle Meeres ends his story of their visit to Ireland
• Catherine Nesbitt sends a modern fairy story
• We bring you the lyrics for a popular song of the ´60s, Wildwood Weed
• Zvonko Springer stresses the importance of reading labels
• Jack Peaker sent a story about plants communicating with their owners
• Sites are suggested by Bob Wiggins, Catherine Nesbitt, Doris Dignard, and Pat Moore

Lyle Meeres concludes his story of their visit to

IRELAND BY BUS AND CAR

(Click on images to enlarge)

Sunday, September 19 started with, you guessed it, yet another good Irish breakfast. We then drove through town and parked so we could make the two to three-km walk to Charles Fort, a star-shaped fort built in the 1670s by the English. The fort was lost in battle in the 1690s because it had a weakness when attacked from land. We thoroughly enjoyed the walk, taking pictures of ships and the town along the way. We walked through sunshine and one shower.

We caught most of a tour at the fort and learned that of the 400 soldiers on site, six per cent were allowed, by luck of the draw, to have their wives stay with them. The reason did not gladden the hearts of women in the group: the ladies were needed to wash uniforms and to do other chores. Women got half rations and had to earn the other half through work - feminists, take deep breaths and count to 100! The munitions block had a false roof to make it look like an ordinary building so ships might not target it. From his window, the governor could see ships, so he feared that they could see him. Consequently, a second governor´s residence was built. The officers clearly had better housing and protection than the ordinary men.

ED. NOTE: For pictures of Charles Fort, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SEQBs7g_Ac

After the walk back to town, we went to the Blue Haven for a good seafood lunch. Breads have been individual and interesting - a contrast to our bland Canadian fare. Lunch was pricey: 25.60 Euros. After lunch we walked up to Desmond Castle, built about 1500. The appearance is not striking. A fire in the castle killed many French prisoners, so locally the castle is called the "French Prison." A wine museum upstairs emphasizes the Irish role in wine development around the world.

We drove back to the B&B. Kathleen turned the television to the women´s Kimoge final. The game is like a blend of handball, field hockey, Canadian football, and lacrosse. The blade of the stick is short and wide, and used to carry the ball a few steps or to hit the ball like a baseball. The goal has posts that extend above like football posts, but the goal itself has a net. Scores come from putting the ball past the goalie into the net, or from blasting the ball up between the goal posts. Like our field goal in football, the higher shot is awarded fewer points. Dinner was at Hobe´s where we chose to ignore the set menu. We had a good meal to end our days in picturesque Kinsale.

After a nice breakfast we drove to Cork without a problem, but traffic jammed up once we arrived. We slowly made our way to the highway to Waterford, where we saw less of the coast than we had hoped to see. However, just into Waterford we found Waterford Crystal on our side of the road and turned in to catch a video and tour. We saw various stages of crystal making, usually with craftsmen near us at the viewing points. Once we walked around the display room, we realized that almost everything was priced beyond our means, and if we bought ,we would live in terror that the piece would be broken. Pat did finally find a pretty, affordable wine coaster.

Before we left, we got directions from the information desk so we could find Foxmount Farm, our last B&B. We had e-mail directions but wanted more. We drove a bit too far, backtracked, got more directions, and found our B&B. The cows were around and so were the flies. The house was big, vine covered, and impressive. Inside, some antiques were good and Pat eyed the love seats in William Morris patterns. We had tea and met a few people staying there. Then we walked the yard, where we found the patterned herb garden appealing. Each plant bed was outlined in boxwood so that the pattern was emphasized.

We got a reservation for dinner and written directions, but - you´ll never guess - we turned too soon and got lost. By the time we got it right, we were an hour late. We just had fish and chips, thinking it might be faster, and I wanted some light for driving back to the B&B.

Christ Church Cathedral

Cathedral Interior

The next day found the N9 and drove straight to Dublin, where the huge traffic circle required a few times around before I got the turn right and we made our way to the rental car lot. We then took the five-euro return bus into Dublin and caught a cab to Dublin Castle, which created a real sense of old opulence. Then we walked to Christ Church Cathedral, where we were allowed to wander. The huge area of crypts impressed us, and the outside of the Cathedral gives a strong sense of something substantial.

The hotel added a giant-sized "service charge," and the shuttle took us to the airport, which checked our luggage through to Calgary. Heathrow seemed endless, but Donna and Pat checked out some Harrod´s stores. We had good seats - there are some advantages to booking flights early. At home there was time to think about Ireland.

One difference we noticed was the frequent appearance of pubs. They are an institution, used for meals, drinks, and socializing. Perhaps a big percentage of the Irish eat their big meals at noon, but Kathleen at our B&B at Kinsale said that the Irish are big eaters. Food arrives very hot, and the bread and soup are individually created. Serving staff change the cutlery according to the main course, which is often salmon, chicken, or beef. Potatoes often appear in more than one form at a dinner (chips, boiled, mashed, or scalloped, for example). A variety of vegetables is served, perhaps in bowls to share. Fruit is less common. Yogurt includes some less common types such as rhubarb. Breakfasts often feature a sideboard; then servers bring toast, coffee, or tea, and take orders for eggs, sausages, bacon, or perhaps pancakes. We also saw scones and French toast. To get a smaller meal, the soup was the choice. We saw junk food in stores but never saw people eating it, and I think we saw less obesity.

Our guide book said we might find ourselves the only traffic on some roads, unless we count cows. Ha! We used R roads (rural), N roads (national), and M roads (motorway), and none were quiet. We saw more construction than at home and more trucks. Joining the European Union created the Celtic Tiger: more families have two cars, and one huge tractor that travels highways. Cars are generally smaller, but Dublin is close to gridlock. Drivers toot at cars going below the speed limit. Parking can be difficult.

Roundabouts have become a problem. In one area we must have seen seven roundabouts in seven blocks. I asked a Dublin taxi driver who has the right of way in a multiple-lane roundabout and he gave me a politician´s answer: "Well, it depends." Perhaps the most aggressive driver had the right of way. One tourist told me that in the construction at Cashel he would still be waiting if he hadn´t finally forced his way across the road. It´s odd, because the Irish tend to be very helpful. Signs are painted on the pavement saying, "Get in Lane" or "Stay in Lane," but for foreign drivers the question is, "Which lane?" On one road out of Dublin we heard ambulances so often that someone joked an ambulance was circling us. More than once people asked us who was driving: it does create anxiety.

Another difference is that a large proportion of the population in Ireland is young. Almost a third of Ireland´s five million people are in Dublin. It seems that those who are not in cars are in strollers. In the South, 40% of the people are under age 25. The South gets over three million tourists a year.

Still, the best feature of Ireland is the people. They remain warm and friendly despite all the tourists. The Irish joke about getting four seasons in one day. Gardens get a longer season than in Canada. The people are young but the buildings are old. Dublin´s Christ Church Cathedral was rebuilt in 1186; Trinity College was founded in 1592; Dublin Castle dates from 1208. Yes, we saw some MacDonalds, but we also saw many stone fences.

The Great Famine and emigration decimated the West especially and created resentment for mistreatment by English landlords, and eventually English domination led to modern violence. Myth, legend, Catholicism, and pubs may have provided somewhat of an antidote. Gaelic is making a comeback, and in some places it never left: police are "garda" and town centre is "an lar," but fortunately most toilets are signed in English or pictorially, though you may see "mna" for women´s and "fir" for men´s. Incidentally, they are generally called "toilets," not "bathrooms." Some arts, music, and dance have a long history.

Have a look for yourself!

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this story, which she believes men will like:

THE FROG AND THE FEMALE GOLFER

A woman was out playing golf one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

"Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That´s okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That´s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM - she´s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That´s okay, because what´s mine is his and what´s his is mine."

So, KAZAM - she´s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I´d like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don´t mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: read on.

The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife´s....

Moral of the story: Women are not really smart; they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this: it only goes to show that women never listen!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the women who have a good sense of humour.

Maybe you have heard this song before, but if you have not, you´ll find a video of Jim Stafford singing it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyQi-1Z2tN8&feature=related:

WILDWOOD WEED

Wildwood flower grew wild on the farm
And we never knowed what it was called
Some said it was a flower and some said it was a weed
I didn´t give it much thought
One day I was out there talkin´ to my brother
And I reached down for a weed to chew on
Things got fuzzy and things got blurry
And then ev´rything was gone
Didn´t know what happened but I knew it beat the hell
Out of sniffing burlap

I come to and my brother was there and he said,
"What´s wrong with your eyes?"
I said "I don´t know, I was chewin´ on the weed"
He said, "Let me give it a try"
We spent the rest of that day and most of that night tryin´
To find my brother Bill
Caught up with him about six o´clock the next mornin´
Naked, singing on the windmill
He said he flew up there
I had to fly up and get him down
He was about half crazy

The very next day we picked a bunch of them weeds
And put ´em in the sun to dry
Then we mashed ´em up and we cleaned ´em off
Put ´em in the corn cob pot
Smokin´ them wildwood flowers got to be a habit
We never seen no harm
We thought it was kind-a handy
Take a trip and never leave the farm
Big ´ole puff of that wildwood weed next thing you know
You´re just wand´ring ´round behind the little animals

All good things got to come to an end
It´s the same with the wildwood weeds
One day this feller from Washington come by
And spied one and turned white as a sheet
And they dug and they burned
And they burned and they dug and they killed
All our cute little weeds and then they drove away
We just smiled and waved sittin´ ther on that sack o´ seeds,

"Y´all come back now, y´hear!"

Zvonko Springer forwards this story about

READING LABELS

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am still in shock!

The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"!

Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap!

It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

It pays to read the warning labels, my friends!

Jack Peaker sent this news story back in 2007, and it has since developed into a thriving business:

YOUR PLANT JUST CALLED TO SAY, "I´M THIRSTY!"

Imagine answering your cell phone to hear your Scotch moss plant telling you in a fake Glaswegian accent that it needs a drink.

A group of postgraduate students at New York University developed a way for over-watered or dry plants to phone for help.

The "Botanicalls" project uses moisture sensors placed in the soil which can send a signal over a wireless network to a gateway that places a call if the plant is too dry or wet.

Recorded voices are assigned to each plant to match its biological characteristics and to help increase the charm of the phone message and give plants their own personality.

Interactive communications student Rebecca Bray, who developed the concept with three colleagues, said the technology was not new but it´s the way of communicating by voice and adding personality to the plants that´s different.

"They will call and tell you they are thirsty and need a lot of water. They are also really polite," Bray told Reuters.

"We wanted to make sure that you weren´t just getting phone calls that were really needy. So we have them calling you back when you´ve watered them to say thank you for watering me."

For example, the Scots moss is given a fake Scottish accent as it was not originally from Scotland, despite its name. A prolific spider plant was given a cheerful, friendly voice.

"We wanted to provide a system so that the plants could actually survive by communicating with people," said Bray, who developed the system with Rob Faludi, Kati London and Kate Hartman.

She said they were surprised how many people have approached them to acquire this service for homes and businesses but didn´t expect the system to become available commercially for at least another six months.

"We hope that the system will help people learn how to take better care of their plants over time and maybe not even need the phone calls after a while," Bray said.

ED. NOTE: There is now a website where you can order your own Botanicall for your pampered plants at http://www.botanicalls.com/kits/

SUGGESTED SITES

Bpb Wiggins forwards this link to a video of "the greatest anti- retirement video of all time":

Catherine Nesbitt sends this link to a story from Cornwall, Ontario, about the worrying decline in the bee population world-wide:

Doris Dignard suggests that meat-eaters read this article about meat glue, which can be used to stick scraps of meat together to make prime cuts:

Pat Moore suggests this site for 99 creative and unusual uses for ordinary and everyday objects:

John Hunter puts all the problems of the world on a 4´x5´ plywood board - and lets his 4th-graders solve them. At TED2011, he explains how his World Peace Game engages schoolkids, and why the complex lessons it teaches - spontaneous, and always surprising - go further than classroom lectures can:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to

http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/freedictionarytestpageV2.html