Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-27

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IN THIS ISSUE

• On Wednesday, July 6, Dixie Augusteijn will be 100 years old!
• Dixie´s early life on a farm in Ontario is recalled
• Tom Williamson sends a rundown of the things we are going to lose
• Sometimes the right words will save your life
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards a list of new drugs for women
• Here is an explanation you may not have heard
• Pat Moore sends some tips for would-be writers
• The editor explains last week´s delivery problems
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Catherine, and Pat

For all the wonderful stories you have told us over the years, and for sharing the memories of your long adventurous life, we thank you! Our thoughts and best wishes will be with you on this momentous occasion!

In honour of Dixie´s approaching birthday, here is the beginning of a story she told us before:

FARMHOUSE LIFE - WAS IT BETTER?

Growing up in the early years of the last century on a farm was certainly different from what it is today, but was it better?

There were no supermarkets. There were no imported fruits and vegetables; with the exception of an orange in our stocking at Christmas, we rarely saw them again, although in summer, along with bananas, they might surface at the local grocery. But you never wanted for food. It might not be fancy, but it was satisfying. Only in later years did I began to wonder, and marvel, at how my mother could produce such meals for a family of boys - all with hearty appetites - and still have time and energy for more elaborate products for company, church socials, or just something special for the family.

Our meals were certainly based on meat and potatoes. Usually enough potatoes were peeled for the noon meal, which we called dinner, to be used for either salad or fried for supper, and sufficient left over to be fried with eggs or home-cured bacon for breakfast. As the only girl, quite early in my years I was set the task of peeling those potatoes, and it seemed forever before my mother decided I could stop - there was enough....

Some things were constant at every meal. Along with the tea, milk and cream, the large plates of bread, there was always a jug of maple syrup, of course made from our own trees. It was eaten as is, or poured over applesauce or pies. Breakfast was oatmeal, started in a double boiler the night before, fried potatoes, eggs or bacon, toast, and jam, ending with several cups of tea.

Dinner, at noon and the largest meal of the day, would be mashed potatoes, some sort of roast, or fried home-cured bacon, vegetables, pickles, applesauce, and pie or pudding, along with plates of homemade bread and butter.

Supper in winter could be either fried potatoes again, with cold meat, or a casserole. My mother was quick-turned, and so I had little experience with hands-on cooking until many years later. I was allowed to fry the potatoes, also scrub potatoes for baking, as nothing much could go wrong with that, but it was a long time before I was allowed to make even scalloped potatoes, made in the simple way of layering sliced potatoes and some sliced onions, sprinkling each layer with a bit of flour, knobs of butter, and salt and pepper, finishing up the casserole with a last layer of potatoes, flour, and seasonings. Milk was poured in until it was seen peeking through the potatoes, then into about a 450-degree oven for 45 minutes until potatoes were tender and browned on top. To my mind these were just as good as those made with the more complicated white sauce, and a lot easier. This was considered a winter supper dish, along with some cold meat. Even simpler was sliced potatoes in a fry pan, salt and pepper, almost covered with water, cooked slowly, partially covered, until potatoes were almost tender and the water was absorbed. Then top milk was poured over, and some more cooking. Usually there was enough starch in the potatoes to thicken; if not, a bit of flour mixed with water did the job. With plenty of ground pepper it was a good cold-weather dish.

Quite often there was home-made soup, either tomato or bean. One special salad my mother would make was from cabbage, very finely chopped. It was often my job to chop that cabbage, and I well remember the amount of time it took to chop it just fine enough. Then was added a bit of sugar, salt and pepper, perhaps a tablespoon of vinegar, and finally a generous helping of sour cream. The whole concoction would puff up, and was delicious. I have never seen the recipe, so perhaps it was just a make-up of my mother´s. This could be made either summer or winter. But in summer the salad might be just freshly-picked lettuce with a light dressing, or sliced tomatoes and cucumbers. The meal would wind up with baked apples or applesauce, cookies, and cake, usually chocolate, and in summer fresh berries with cream.

There was never a shortage of food. When the children returned from school they could help themselves either to bran muffins or fresh baking powder biscuits liberally smeared with jam.

To provide all this food, run a household, look after chickens and turkeys, and still have time for a flower garden and community projects took some organizing. Mother never had to do outside farm work, like many farm wives. My dad also, until we got a powered washing machine, always ran the washing machine for her. He kept the garden weeded, but it was up to her - and me when I was old enough to help out - to see to the harvesting of the small fruits and vegetables. I also remember I had the job of getting the potato bugs and larva off the potato plants. I had a small can with some kerosene, a short piece of shingle, and would go over every plant brushing the insects into the kerosene. Not the most pleasant work, but necessary, and there were no pesticides used. I believe on the field potatoes, my dad used a mixture of paris green.

Tomatoes were a real staple. I remember mother saying that once the tomatoes were ripe, she felt she could take it easier - that would certainly be relatively speaking. They were on the table for every meal, and we never tired of them. In addition, gallons were canned, or made into chili sauce. Tomato canning day was an assembly line operation. We would wait until we had several bushels of tomatoes. Jars were brought up and sterilized. The tomatoes were washed, dipped a few moments into scalding water, passed to another who slipped off the skins, then passed to another who put them into a large preserving kettle where they were perfectly cooked, then boiling hot were put into the sterilized jars and sealed with sterilized rubbers and lids. I remember one time she did them in the oven for a certain length of time, but she never used a pressure cooker as is now recommended. She would always put down about 150 half-gallon jars of tomatoes, and had only the occasional one that would spoil.

To be continued.

Tom Williamson finds this depressing:

THINGS THAT WILL DISAPPEAR IN OUR LIFETIME

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But ready or not, here they come.

1. The Post Office

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. E-mail, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

2. The Cheque

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheques by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

3. The Newspaper

The younger generation simply doesn´t read the newspaper. They certainly don´t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

4. The Book

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy.

And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can´t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you´re holding a gadget instead of a book.

5. The Land Line Telephone

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don´t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they´ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.

6. Music

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It´s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, "Appetite for Self- Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies."

7. Television

Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they´re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every four minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It´s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

8. The "Things" That You Own

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That means that when you turn on a computer, the internet will be built into the operating system. So Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud.

And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That´s the good news. But will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

9. Privacy

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That´s gone. It´s been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. "They" will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.

All we will have left that can´t be changed are "Memories". And then probably Alzheimers will take that away from us too!

SAYING THE RIGHT THING

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending an office party for a retiring employee. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn´t taste like alcohol at all. He doesn´t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he´s feeling, he wonders if he did something wrong.

Jack has to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son ... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asks his son, "So why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ´Leave me alone, I´m married!!´"

Broken coffee table: $239.99. Hot breakfast: $4.20. Two aspirins: $. 38. Saying the right thing, at the right time ... priceless!

Catherine Nesbitt fills us in on the

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL - Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to eight full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn´t wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA´S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom´s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can´t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

This story explains a lot:

LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So God asked him, "What´s wrong with you?" Adam said he didn´t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you; she will cook for you; and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

"She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you´ve had a disagreement. She will praise you!

"She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

"She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history....

For all those who would like to write something for the Spinner but are unsure of their composition skills, Pat Moore forwards these tips on

HOW TO WRITE GOOD

o Avoid alliteration. Always.

o Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

o Avoid cliches like the plague. (They´re old hat.)

o Employ the vernacular.

o Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

o Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

o It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

o Contractions aren´t necessary.

o Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

o One should never generalize.

o Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

o Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

o Don´t be redundant; don´t use more words than necessary; it´s highly superfluous.

o Profanity sucks.

o Be more or less specific.

o Understatement is always best.

o Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

o One-word sentences? Eliminate.

o Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

o The passive voice is to be avoided.

o Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

o Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

o Who needs rhetorical questions?

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESKTOP

You will remember that I had problems with sending out last week´s Spinner. When I sent early copies to the webmasters at midnight on Thursday, I was not aware that they had not reached their destination. The first I knew of it was a note from Jay at noon on Friday asking if there was no Spinner this week. I replied that I had already sent it, and also forwarded another copy. Just to be on the safe side, I also sent an extra to Burke Dykes in Seattle, where he includes the Spinner in his website: http://nw-seniors.org/stories.html.

Jay wrote back to say that he still had not received a copy, so I sent one in the NeoOffice format as an attachment. I sent one to Burke too. Both of those copies went through.

One of the odd things about this situation was that the original copy I had sent to myself for checking purposes had come through without a hitch, which is why I had not realized there was a problem.

I was concerned that if I sent out the original copy to my subscribers they would not receive it, because of what had happened with Jay´s and Burke´s copies, so Jay started investigating. He finally narrowed it down to the website that warned of the bill in Parliament that would require internet servers to collect information on their clients. He found that if he sent a copy with that website intact, it would not go through, but if he changed the URL slightly, it went as usual.

He told me of his discovery and suggested I change the URL, just in case, so I changed it, using the service I use to shorten very long URLs, to http://arunaurl.com/4aei

Since the information supplied by the site claimed that the plan is to force every phone and internet provider to surrender our personal information to "authorities" without a warrant, we wondered if there really was a nefarious decision to block any e-mails with the original URL for the site. Jay has experimented since publication, with the same results. He wrote to Shaw, to his MP, and to the site itself, but has received no answer.

So was the problem technical or political? Interesting....

SUGGESTED SITES

Bruce Galway sends a link to a video of a man who found a baby hummingbird after it was attacked, and he nursed it back to health until it decided to stay and be his pet. Very charming video, and be sure to have your sound on. The song in the background is almost as good as the video itself:

Catherine Nesbitt suggests this video in which Michael Fishbach narrates his encounter with a humpback whale entangled in a fishing net. Gershon Cohen and he have founded The Great Whale Conservancy to help and protect whales. Visit their website www.eii.org/gwc/, facebook page, and join them in helping to save these magnificent beings.

Pat Moore forwards the URL for a video that shows that people in Quebec have a good sense of humour:

An experimental plane, powered only by rays from the sun, has landed safely in Switzerland after successfully completing its first 24-hour test flight. The "Solar Impulse" took off from Payerne airfield shortly after dawn and touched down a day later, having proved that overnight solar-powered flight is possible.

Clear blue skies meant that the prototype aircraft was able to soak up plenty of solar energy as it made a gradual ascent to a final altitude to 27,900 feet or 8,500 metres, and then flew in darkness, using energy stored up during the day. Pilot Andre Borschberg endured freezing conditions overnight and ended the test flight with a picture-perfect landing:

New Yorker cartoonist Liza Donnelly shares a portfolio of her wise and funny cartoons about modern life, and talks about how humour can empower women to change the rules:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to