Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2011-30

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Anaise Bourbon continues her descriptions of Egypt
• Geoff Goodship comments on a part of Anaise´s impressions from last week
• Carol Dilworth compares Scrabble with Lexulous
• Catherine Newbitt forwards a story of an understandable mistake
• Tom Williamson tells of a widow´s tribute to her deceased husband
• Tom Telford´s contribution shows that you can have fun with English
• Sites are recommended by Bruce Galway, Carol Hansen, and Pat Moore

Anaise Bourbon experiences more of the atmosphere - and heat - of

EGYPT

Silly temperate (clime) person! I decided to help earn my keep here by doing some unpacking of boxes and organizing (the people here haven´t done that yet - too busy doing more important things *cough*.) Thing is, although I feel just fine when it´s 32 and winds blow off the hills, working in the day is a *bad* idea.

Never mind, to recover I was taken out for some refreshment. Sounds ordinary, doesn´t it? Zayed City is relatively new, so there is still more sand than sidewalks (or, lots of sand on the sidewalks). Imagine walking at night along desert sands, feeling the warm winds blowing the scent of toasting corn, baking bread, and of course the fertile Nile valley - and right in front of you is a most ornate and alabaster-white dome and minaret tower of a mosque, with the crescent moon hanging golden over it! Even though all your senses unite to tell you you are here, this is real, you still wait for the film to end and the lights to come up.

We kept walking up the dark sandy street and a small place, the size of a small room, appeared, lit by a bright yellow neon sign. There were about six plastic patio tables standing in the dark in front of it. The temperature had dropped to 22, pleasantly warm sitting there beneath the palms. My friend gestured to the waiter (waiter? At a juice bar?") We were the only westerners there. My friend ordered for us (he has learned a little Egyptian), yet I did not even hear the transaction. Egyptian is a very soft language when they are not yelling at each other, and they speak in a soft tone almost inaudible to western ears. There are NO English equivalents to Arabic. Any way you have pronounced places or things in Arabic countries is wrong. It´s a mind bend. We are used to at least sharing *some* common sounds with other Romantic languages, but there is no commonality with Arabic (or Egyptian). I´m going to try to learn it anyway.

I thought it slow at the juice bar but my friend told me to try to start living on "Egyptian time". People rest and take things slowly, enjoying the moments of rest after the hot day. Then the juice came. Do you know, I don´t believe I´ve ever tasted watermelon before. This watermelon was like North American watermelon times 100, and tasted as if it were irrigated with honey, and served in tall tea-glasses with crushed ice.

And we sat on, probably the only foreigners to ever have penetrated into this area (I´ve seen no others). I thought of tourists feeling safe in their hotel, eating westernized Egyptian food, and thought they will never have been here, no matter how much they pay or how many sights they see, if they haven´t wandered out into the dark warm night to a tiny juice bar to take their ease with Egyptians watching the moon rise over a mosque. They will only have their trinkets and postcards - but never will Egypt penetrate their soul.

I did get some lovely Egyptian dresses last night, and about time. I´m probably known locally as the Western woman with one skirt and one shirt. They probably are shaking their heads at what terrible poverty I must come from. Still, the head scarf is my shield and buckler and keeps me on good terms with others so far.

I am fascinated by their view of the West and understand so much more both the resentment and the love. Egypt is very schizophrenic that way - love the WIFI, hate the dress codes, etc.... But my Egyptian friend was telling me last night they think Western women are crazy in some ways. For instance, they find chubby women *very* attractive (I´m a bit too thin for them, but I get a pass because of my "alabaster skin" and my age, and as I have mentioned, age is not a problem either. They wonder at us women who spend so much on make-up and try to fight age. "Aging is natural, everyone ages, why would anyone try to fight it? The wisdom and experience you gain makes you only win respect - beauty is of the heart and mind, not the body." And this person wasn´t just saying it, it is the general feeling.

Yes, women here like nice clothes, but they don´t worry about their looks the way Western women do. They have no neurosis about getting older. And no, many Egyptian women do NOT wear head scarves. Also, if a woman reaches a certain age and considers herself "off the market," then no matter how devout, she is free to abandon the scarf and/or veil and will lose no respect.

So one begins to see both sides of different cultures. Are women repressed here? Yes, as are many other groups. But do they also have a freedom Western women lack? Oh yes. It´s not simple. Of course it never is if only people would seek to discover, not just look at one aspect of any culture. And the women rule here, the businesses, both domestic and commercial. Yes, behind those veils or under those scarves, they are the ones who decide how money is spent - their word is law. Fancy that. Repression and freedom. Depends on who´s looking.

And what´s weirder for me? It´s probably all the water I drink, but most of the lines on my face and hands are simply gone. Of course, being happy helps a lot. And being an older woman who by that very fact gains respect and admiration? Priceless.

So now I am back at where I am living. The bicycle carts that some people here sell bananas off are parked in the courtyard; the old broken patio chair we threw out has been scavenged by the rag and bone pickers; the frogs that sound like macaws with laryngitis are scraping the night air with their cries, and the "trash pussies" have come out to slink around, looking for a bite to eat.

And so I will watch the moon rise and shine on the far white hills and for the first time in a long time, feel myself to be beautiful. It was enough that I felt happy, yet I have been given this extra gift, courtesy of a people who do not understand us. I hope one day we understand each other.

To be continued.

CORRESPONDENCE

Geoff Goodship writes: Anaise Bourbon described crossing traffic in Egypt in last week´s issue: "Theoretically there are four lanes, but people just choose which ones they want to be in and swerve back and forth. And you must cross this highway to get to the bus. Yes, there are crosswalks, but unless you wave money at the crossing guard (bit of a joke, really), the only thing for it is to grab the hands of the friends next to you and run! I mean RUN, because people are travelling at about 80 miles an hour. I was saucer-eyed with terror as we ran. But we made it (this time) with only a few screeching tires and goodwill on the part of the drivers."

This reminded me of this video from YouTube:

Carol Dilworth compares two popular word games,

SCRABBLE AND LEXULOUS

Lexulous is a word game that is played on Facebook. It is much like Scrabble but with enough differences not to violate copyright. There is also an online Scrabble site, Internet Scrabble Club, which is also free.

I play on both, but more often on Lexulous because you don´t have to be online at the same time as your opponent, so there is no clock running.

Playing by computer rather than in person is the lazy person´s game because you can play without knowing any words. The computer checks that your play is valid before accepting it. If you´re like me, you don´t learn (m)any new words by playing the game. My seemingly large vocabulary is the result of putting the highest value tiles on the most coloured squares until the computer accepts something.

You meet people from all over the world. I have to remind myself late at night that my opponent in western Europe has just woken up from a refreshing sleep. And earlier in the evening, my opponents in the Middle East have probably done the same. If I play in the afternoon, I feel as if I have an advantage over anyone east of Canada.

With that introduction, the reason for this article is to ask you what differences you can predict between Lexulous and Scrabble, given the tiles in each game? This question may appeal to all the mathematicians and linguists who read "The Tangled Skein".

Here´s the comparison (L: Lexulous; S: Scrabble):

Tiles available per play: L: 8; S: 7.

For using seven tiles from your rack in Lexulous there is a 40-point bonus (50 points in Scrabble); for using eight tiles in Lexulous (not possible in Scrabble with only seven tiles on the rack), a 50-point bonus.

There are minor differences between the numbers of each letter in the two games, which account for the total number of tiles: L: 89; S: 100.

Here are some of my conclusions:

Longer words in Lexulous; more bingos in Lexulous; more difficult to play "Q" in Lexulous; fewer opportunities to play "ing", "age", "ed" and "S" endings in Lexulous; and more opportunities in Lexulous to add "Y".

If you would like to play Lexulous, go to your Facebook page and enter Lexulous at the top where you search for sites. Add the application. Then click on "new game" and "join game" and enter an opponent´s name. If you´d like a match, feel free to key in my name.

If you would like a much faster game, plus some privacy, you can download Internet Scrabble Club and create your own handle. For now, I shall remain anonymous.

ED. NOTE: I too am willing to play anyone who challenges me. I love Scrabble, which I have played for many years, and I enjoy Lexulous too. On FaceBook there is another offshoot of Scrabble called WordScraper, which I also play. It has an added attraction of the option to select random board layouts, which can lead to some surprising scores.

Catherine Nesbitt forwards the tale of

AN HONEST MISTAKE

The light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I´m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ´What Would Jesus Do´ bumper sticker, the ´Choose Life´ license plate holder, the ´Follow Me to Sunday-School´ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car."

Tom Williamson sends this story of

A JEWISH FUNERAL

Sam died. His will provided $50,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attendees left, Sam´s wife, Rose, turned to her old friend Sadie and said, "Well, I´m sure Sam would be pleased."

"I´m sure you´re right," replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Tell me, how much did it really cost?"

"All of it," said Rose. "Fifty thousand."

"No!" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but really ... $50,000?"

Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the shul for the Rabbi´s services. The shiva food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Sadie computed quickly. "$42,500 for a memorial stone? Oy vey, how big is it?"

"Five and a half carats."

Tom Telfer sends these gems from a book by Richard Lederer, "Anguished English":

THE BEST OF MIXED-UP METAPHORS

I wouldn´t be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

She´ll get it by hook or ladder.

The bankers´ pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man.

That´s a very hard blow to swallow.

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

The slowdown is accelerating.

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

When we get to that bridge, we´ll jump.

Don´t sit there like a sore thumb.

Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.

It´s time to swallow the bullet.

It´s time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.

The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.

The sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora´s Box.

It´s as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a fender.

Let dead dogs sleep.

Stop beating a dead horse to death.

Regret to inform you that the hand that rocked the cradle has kicked the bucket.

From now on, I´m watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.

That guy´s out to butter his own nest.

I would not have gone in there over my dead body.

Many cities and towns have community gardening programs that need a little more help to get off the ground.

He threw a wet towel on the meeting.

We´ve got to be careful about getting too many cooks into this soup, or somebody´s going to think there´s dirty work behind the crossroads.

We both had crewcuts, which made our ears stick out like sore thumbs.

In our school, freshmen are on the lowest rungs of the totem pole.

He´s between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Let us nip this political monkey in the bud before it sticks to us like a leech.

He was a very astute politician with both ears glued to the ground.

I do hope that you don´t think I´ve been making a mountain out of a mole hill, but that´s the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway forwards the URL to a video that shows the Toulambi tribe in Papua New Guinea meeting a white man for the very first time. A lot of minds were blown that day:

Carol Hansen recommends this site for a video of an ingenious prank:

Pat Moore sends this link to a virtual keyboard, on which you can make your own music:

Pat also suggests that you try to fit the countries of the Middle East into a map. You may find it surprisingly difficult:

Tim Harford studies complex systems - and finds a surprising link among the best ones: they were built through trial and error. His tip: Make better mistakes:

For a video of domesticated Russian foxes, go to

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to