Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2012-03

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Betty Audet recalls her family home
• Jean Sterling comments on items in last week´s issue
• Betty Fehlhaber sends a favourite Christmas recipe
• Joy Coetzee describes how she pen pals
• Pat Moore forwards a 12-step program for internet addicts
• Trudy Tangen MacMillan´s poem celebrates winter
• Bruce Galway sends a short story about a work-place encounter
• Gerrit deLeeuw forwards a tale of a talking dog
• Court room questions can be tricky; so can answers
• Don Henderson shares quotes about grandparents and grandchildren
• Sites are recommended by Bruce Galway, Catherine Nesbitt, Don Henderson, and Pat Moore

Betty Audet has fond memories of

THE HOUSE WITH THE CHANGING ADDRESS

Although three generations of Lowdens had lived in the large red brick house on Lot 19, Concession 5, Barton Township, set well back from the road, there always seemed to be questions about the right address. The mailing address was fine. As long as anyone seems aware, that had been Box 95, Hamilton. The mail was collected at the post office and had been for many years. I recall an incident illustrating this. When a young teen, I had gone to collect the mail without having the key to the box. There were two men behind the desk. "Give it to her," said the older man. "She looks like a Lowden." But the location addressing was another matter.

Betty's House (click for full image)

It must have been quite rural when it was built, probably on an old mud road that was later gravelled. By the time I recall it was macadamised, and built to a sufficiently high level to ensure run off. About the time of WWI there had been a feeling that the city was growing in that direction and that the property might bring a nice profit if it was surveyed and lots sold from the front. Uncle Ed´s house was clearly spaced on one of the lots and so I surmise that it was he who had planned this. A sidewalk ran all the way from the top of the Dundurn St. steps past Uncle Ed´s house.

At the corner of our street and Fennel Ave., there was a corner pavement with the name Garth cut into it. But the street was called Dundurn. This seemed quite logical to me as a student, for there was Upper James, Upper Wentworth, Upper Wellington, and Upper Ottawa. These all corresponded with the streets below the mountain, although those in between were numbered. Our street would have been West 20th, as Wentworth would have been East 20th. There was always the Garth/ Dundurn street name problem, which has now been settled for Garth Street. But that survey also had an effect on the location address. There was a street surveyed to run between the house and Garth. It was called Westminster. When lots had been sold it was quite obvious that the house was on Westminster.

To complicate things further, the original survey showed a street running from Garth St. straight back towards the house. The sidewalk along Garth clearly indicated its location. Its name, I seem to recall, was Parkview. But we never referred to it as anything but our front lane. We kept the grass cut, as part of the lawn, all the way to Garth. Father´s beautiful iris beds ran along the north side of it. But eventually, when father had retired from teaching and was in real estate, the survey was changed, Parkview was closed, and our old back lane two or three lots further north was opened as Denlow (Lowden).

Imagine all the descriptions of location that had been offered during those years!

CORRESPONDENCE

ED. NOTE: Thank you to all who sent me birthday wishes last week! I appreciate your thoughtfulness and value your online friendship. Without you on the other side of my window on the world, my life would be much more circumscribed than it is, and far less interesting!

Jean Sterling comments on items in last week´s issue, starting with the piece on drivers, which described Montreal drivers as having one hand on the wheel and the other on the horn:

In 1960 I went skiing at Mont Tremblant, which is about 80 miles from Montreal. We got to Mont Tremblant on a bus. I remember I sat in the front seat, and at times it was terrifying. We were on a three-lane road with the middle lane for passing. The bus spent much of the time in the middle lane. If a car coming from the other direction was in the middle lane, the bus driver leaned on his horn. The bus was bigger, so the car scooted over - but sometimes it took a while for the car to yield to the bus (the cars were driven by Quebecois too). On the return trip to Montreal I rode in a seat near the rear of the bus.

Mont Tremblant was beautiful. I remember they had hot buttered rum in the base lodge. I´d never had this, and it was very warming. I was with a group, and we stayed at a small family-run inn that provided breakfast and dinner. I have fond memories of the friendly folks who ran the place - I remember the owner gave me an opportunity to practice my French on him.

* Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 40 km/hr on highway in left lane with left blinker on - Victoria

This sounds like some places in Florida. My husband´s aunt lived in Hialeah in South Florida, and she always lamented the driving scene during tourist season (winter in South Florida) when the slow-driving blue hairs mixed it up on the highway with the South Florida Cubans.

On the picture of me cutting the cake: HEY! You look GOOD! Did you remember to eat a piece of cake for me? [Nope.] The cake looks delicious!

Catherine Nesbitt sends the URL for a video in which Dr. Mike Evans answers the old question, "What is the single best thing we can do for our health?" in a completely new way: I sure do agree with this! Aren´t you glad you don´t have a TV set?

Gerrit deLeeuw thinks this Sponge Bob Squarepants version of bowling will drive you nuts: I didn´t do very well with this. [But she subsequently got better.]

Betty Fehlhaber replies to Carol Dilworth´s request for other readers´ Christmas recipes: I´m a week late, but my computer was at my guru´s getting a good clean-out. This fruitcake recipe is years old, and over the years I´ve given it to numerous people who have made it and enjoyed it. It´s easy to make, very moist, and never-fail:

FAST ´N´ FABULOUS FRUITCAKE

2-1/2 cups white flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 jar mincemeat - add a generous swig of brandy or rum (or your favourite flavour)
1 can Eagle brand condensed milk
2 cups mixed glace fruit
1 cup mixed red and green glace cherries
a handful of chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 300F. Grease 2 loaf pans or 1 large loaf pan and 3 or 4 mini-loaf pans.

Sift dry ingredients, set aside. In a large bowl (preferably stainless steel), combine liquids, fruits and nuts. Add dry ingredients and mix very well. Divide evenly into loaf pans.

Bake 1 hour and 20-25 minutes. Turn out onto racks to cool completely.

This cake freezes very well and lasts forever in the freezer.

Joy Coetzee describes

HOW I PEN PAL

My pen palling has progressed from snail mail over 40 years ago to e-palling today, so I sit at my desktop computer to correspond with my pals.

I have placed my desk next to the patio door so that I can see the world in my garden. I have wild and garden birds that visit, and rock rabbits known as "dassies" that hop onto the garden wall and sun themselves in the winter months, or during summer will come out at dusk to catch the cooling evening breeze. Their most striking behaviour is the use of sentries: one or more animals take up position on a vantage point and issue alarm calls on the approach of predators. In this case it will be my Andie, who considers them to be intruders and worthy of being chased away to protect me! During summer I leave the double doors open so that I can hear the twittering, cooing, or the high trill of the "dassies" given in response to perceived danger; their calls are referred to as "songs."

I have various mailing lists of my pals for sharing multiples, pals who enjoy slide shows, poems, prayers, Bible verses, travel, crafting. I also save items that I think my pals will enjoy for sharing with them later in various files and folders.

Mostly I write individual e-mails with news of my very ordinary day, week, month; novels I read, and what I think about these books; movies I watch; TV programmes; what I am making for my charity crafting group; what my charity crafting group is doing; my family, my friends, my work, any socializing, my life!

My e-palling is my "life line" with the outside world. My contact with the outside world where there is love, sadness, fun, laughter, tears, and much more. When my computer is "down" I suffer from withdrawal symptoms and miss my e-pals very much.

Pat Moore forwards this

TWELVE-STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. (Soda pop works here, right?)

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. (Who eats breakfast?)

3) I will get dressed before noon. (That´s pushing it!)

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet. (Easy one - this one I already do!)

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived. (Good luck reading my writing now - way out of practice!)

6) I will call someone on the phone whom I cannot contact via the Internet. (Easy - Just use my magic jack and it is almost free.)

7) I will read a book ... if I still remember how. (Those are on-line, aren´t they?)

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet. (Easy! - they are all busy on the net.)

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. (What TV? - Oh yeah, at dead-head times.)

10) I will try to get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. (Easy! have get t-paper and pop anyway.)

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my chequebook because I was too busy on the Internet. (Who writes cheques? On-line banking - duh!)

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow! (Easy - too much work and I turn into a dead head.)

Just in time for the sudden drop in temperature in Canada comes this poem by Trudy Tangen MacMillan:

CANADIAN WINTER

When a rainbow looms alongside the sun
It means colder weather yet to come
Known as a sundog in mythical time
It´s predictions to date are right in line

An Alberta clipper and lake effects
Adjusts our weather from east to west
Below zero the temperature falls
Producing cold snaps and snow squalls

Weather forecasts, highs and lows
Up and down the thermometer goes
Buses are cancelled, highways are bad
To drive in a blizzard, you must be mad

Frost-covered trees and window panes
Dress real warm or you´ll get chilblains
No school today, children are smitten
They´re not afraid of getting frost bitten

Out on the street the children gather
Playing hockey is what they´d rather
Shoot and count the goals they get
With a stick, helmet and a hockey net

When precipitation encloses your space
Close your eyes and dream of spring
After winter, it´s the next best thing!

Bruce Galway sends this story about

THE BOSS

My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it´s all under control. It´s been a very busy day; I haven´t stopped for a minute."

"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, anything. What is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot. I´m right behind you on the seventh hole."

Gerrit deLeeuw sends this tall tale:

DOG FOR SALE

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken-down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale"

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice-looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what´s your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no-one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn´t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I"m just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he lies. He´s never been out of the yard!"

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could be as sharp as this policeman:

QUICK THINKING

He was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman´s credibility.

Q: "Officer - did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer - who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: " And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: " And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers ?"

A: "You see, sir - we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Don Henderson sends these quotes about

GRANDPARENTS AND GRANDCHILDREN

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. - Author unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars´ worth of pleasure. -Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just ´antique´ little girls. - Author unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. - Welsh proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. - Author unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you´re just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. - Pam Brown

Grandchildren don´t stay young forever, which is good because Granddaddies have only so many horsy rides in them. - Gene Perret

Grandmother always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. - Author unknown

Grandmothers hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. - Author unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I´d have had them first. - Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I´m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. - Gene Perret

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! - Hannah Whithall Smith

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. - Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby´s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . -Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self- defence. - Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. - Author Unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. - Alex Haley

Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. - Author Unknown

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. - Author Unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. - Joy Hargrove

It´s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. - Author Unknown

If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time, you´re the grandma. - Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. - Author Unknown

Grandchildren don´t make a man feel old; it´s the knowledge that he´s married to a grandmother. -G. Norman Collie

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway suggests a walk down memory lane with all those old-time cowboys who populated western after western fifty or so years ago:

Bruce also sends a link to an update on the three boys from Italy who won a talent show and went on to become famous:

Catherine Nesbitt forwards a link to a video filmed by a family in Russia, in which a crow uses a lid from a jar to get in some fresh turns on a snowy rooftop:

Catherine also suggests this site for a look at the many strange effects of placebos:

Don Henderson sends the URL for a video of cattle reacting to a remote-control truck, which looks as if it could displace all those cowboys in roundups:

Pat Moore sends this link to a site which has a great many old songs and the original videos that accompanied them:

Homeless boy steals talent show:

Back in 1966, Peter, Paul and Mary sang this version of Blowin´ in the Wind:

In view of the political turmoil in the US at the moment, this TED talk by Michael Sandel highlights the importance of civil democratic debate:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to