Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2012-17

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Kate Brookfield continues her account of their year in India
• Lyle Meeres concludes his description of their visit to Arizona
• Betty Audet also read Henty books when she was young
• Catherine Nesbitt sends a poem about a common frustration
• Catherine Green´s story is about those ubiquitous lawns
• Don Henderson forwards an example of dealing with cell phone boors
• Carol Dilworth´s story is about being careful what you wish for
• Marilyn Magid answers a question better not asked
• Sites are recommended by Barbara Wear, Bruce Galway, Catherine Nesbitt, Gerrit deLeeuw, and Kate Brookfield

Kate Brookfield describes their living conditions in Chandigarh in

INDIA

As previously mentioned, the political situation in the Punjab in 1984 was very tense because of the governments measures against the Sikh unrest. This included a ban on foreigners entering the Punjab State. The "Times of India", a national newspaper in English, kept us informed of the sectarian violence occurring daily in the villages in the Punjab.

Sikhs´ Golden Temple (click to enlarge)

As a Union Territory under the control of the Central India government, the city of Chandigarh was strictly controlled by the Indian army. Once we had our photo IDs, we were free to travel around the city, and to the neighbouring states of Haryana and Himachel Pradesh, known affectionately as HP. But we were not allowed to visit any of the outlying villages in the Punjab, and particularly not Amritsar, the city famous for the Sikhs´ golden temple. (One of our regrets for this trip was that we did not see it, although now it is possible to visit this historic site.)

We were affected almost immediately after arrival, when dissidents blew up the dam controlling the water supply to the city. Water was strictly controlled and was only available for an hour or so each day. I stupidly cleaned my teeth using water from a tap near the floor in the bathroom, not realizing this was drain water! Although I did not actually drink the water, I still paid for it heavily with a very bad dose of diarrhea.

Suruj brought me rice and "curds", a form of yogurt made every day with milk. It did settle my stomach, although I always thought milk was the worst thing to take. I also took Imodium, which was most likely the cure. We came well supplied with medication, but we neednt have bothered as most medications were readily available for a lot less than we paid for it in Canada. After this, I was more careful about what I put in my mouth.

The large swimming pool at the University was empty for most of our stay in Chandigarh. The water problem continued for several months, for as soon as they got the dam fixed, the next day it was breached again! When the water supply was back to normal, we still had to boil all water before use. I was very thankful for the electric samovar that I bought in Russia, but the element was burned out by the time we left India.

Milk was distributed every morning at 8.00 a.m. at a site at the end of our road. It was not in bottles. Everybody trooped to the site with containers, where the milk was measured out. I think it was also rationed, but I´m not sure how. The woman in charge seemed to know how much a family could have. If you missed the milk woman, tough, no milk for that day. We were warned not to drink it until it had been boiled, as it was not pasteurized. I soon learned how to make curds (yogurt) by adding a small quantity of the previous days curds to the milk when it was warm. This was the safest way to drink milk and we got used to using tins of condensed milk for tea and cereal.

There were two grocery stores in Sector 14, both called Rakesh. Our kids distinguished them as clean Rakesh and dirty Rakesh. Clean Rakesh was like a small supermarket and the staff wore white lab coats and everything was arranged very neatly. The other store was much older and the window looked as if it had not been cleaned for years. One day, we watched a mouse in the window running about amid the clutter. But this store was just outside the main gates and Caroline and her friend Ritou liked to go there for mango shakes. If Saruj approved, it must have been OK, as she was very particular about health and hygiene. She would not let us buy the sugar cane drinks from the man who came round with a barrow of sugar cane and a machine for grinding the cane into a liquid. Her reasons were that he never cleaned his machine or the glasses he used to serve the drink.

At this time, Mrs Gandhi was Prime Minister and her policy was for India to be self sufficient and she would not allow any foreign companies in the country, so, all the soft drinks were Indias own brands. The Coca Cola equivalent was called "Thumbs Up", and an orange drink called something akin to Fanta I forget its name. Bottled water was just starting to come into India, but when I saw a young boy taking off the complete top and filling it with water, so it looked sealed, I decided it was safer for the kids to drink only the soft drinks in bottles and to drink only water that I had boiled. A large truck came round once a week with soft drinks in bottles, and we returned the bottles for recycling.

We had to take the same precautions with ice cream and only bought the frozen packages, which Robert named "mummy dust" as the ice cream had been in the freezer for a long time. The locals could not afford such luxuries.

There was plenty of choice for fresh fruit, but not so much choice in fresh vegetables, mainly root vegetables. Of course, all fruit and vegetables had to be well washed and if possible, peeled. But the mangoes and pineapples were delicious and we learned the right season for the different species.

For me, the main problem was cooking the food. The cooking facilities at first consisted of one electric ring and a complicated "oven" that was supposed to be heated on this single ring. The problem was that the electricity at the house was not strong enough to take the fans and the ring at the same time, and we kept blowing the fuse. The fuse box was a mass of open wires. (I hope to find the photo of the fuse box.) it was unbelievable how many live wires were bare, with broken fuse plates.

I never did sort out how to use the "oven" so could make only rice and stir fry. In the first few weeks, we ate out at the local restaurant, but Saruj did not approve, as she did not think the restaurant was hygienic enough. She taught me how to make chappatis, the unleavened bread that everyone made. I became quite an expert.

Although I did not want to employ servants, I was forced to give up on the cooking, and the university arranged for a man to come every day to cook our evening meal. Did I mention that all the cooking had to be done on the floor of the kitchen? Anyway, we relied on Satya to come every evening, and he also went to the market to buy meat. The only chicken I bought was so tough it was inedible, and I was told I had been cheated and sold a broiler instead of chicken for roasting. I tried to fry it, but it was disgusting!

By watching our food and learning to cook in the local tradition, and with Satya preparing our evening meal, we managed to stay healthy and relatively free from "Delhi belly", a common problem for tourists at that time. (I should add that in subsequent visits to India, this was no longer a problem. All the major companies, including all the fast-food outlets, are now everywhere in India).

To be continued.

Lyle Meeres concludes his story of their visit to

ARIZONA

Sabino Canyon (click)

On February 1st, we drove to Sabino Canyon, where we took the tram to the top and walked the 3.8 miles down. The trams make nine stops along the way, so you can choose to ride the tram both ways, or walk any portion. We stayed on the paved road, which crosses nine stone bridges over the creek. This was one of our favourite activities: it was a beautiful day to walk beside water with mountains and saguaros in the background. Other hikes are available.

Butterfly house (click)

A week later we drove to the Tucson Botanical Gardens. As the name implies, there are various gardens throughout the five acres. The Japanese segment was attractively arranged, but our favourite was the Butterfly House. There were lots of plants and colourful feeders, and an amazing array of spectacular butterflies landing everywhere, including the top of Pat´s hat.

A week later we located the University of Arizona Museum of Art. This is not a slight, but it was not huge, which I regarded as a blessing. We´ve been to some art museums that are so extensive I reach overload. Here we were able to poke about comfortably. The only problem with its smaller size was that there was only one Georgia O´Keefe painting on display. The 26 panels of an altarpiece from 1488 were an interesting contrast to the projects provided by current students.

Biosphere 2 (click to enlarge)

Biosphere 2 provides a walking tour of a closed ecosystem of various environments that make the trip worthwhile. I remember reading about the scientists who lived and worked in the original Biosphere for two years. Having seen the more recent version, I think the scientists would have needed a surprising variety of talents and knowledge to cope. It would prepare one for a stay on a space station.

Near the end of our stay, we drove to see the Colossal Caves, described as "the largest dry cavern in the world." There are tours using ladders and headlamps, but we chose the tame tour. The walk was interesting so we did not mind the 363 steps. There are metal railings along much of the tour and the walk is reasonably well lit. We did see a variety of rock formations, formed before the cave became a dry cavern. Interestingly, the cave temperature is constant and comfortable. The guide told stories about earlier days in the cave, including the legend that stagecoach robbers hid a fortune somewhere in there. We did not find it.

When we left Tucson, we stopped in Phoenix to see Taliesin West, the winter home and studio of Frank Lloyd Wright, the famous architect. Wright died in 1959, but the studio remains active, training architecture students, so the tour excludes the drafting area. Wright felt that Arizona called for architecture suited to the lines and colour of the land, and architecture that used local materials. Consequently, the walls stack up layers of desert rock and concrete. Wright liked natural light, triangular shapes, and entrances that squeezed in before opening into expansive spaces. Today the site is a National Historic Landmark.

After our tour we drove to Flagstaff ,which was much cooler. The next morning we drove through bits of snow that were not a problem and took the turn into Zion National Park, Utah. It costs $25 for a seven-day pass, though we were just driving through. It was $25 well spent.

Zion National Park, Utah (click to enlarge)

The road passes through a long tunnel. Tall or wide vehicles such as RVs pay an additional $15 fee because the tunnel will require restricting traffic to one lane and traffic control must be provided. We had to wait for large vehicles to pass through before we could enter the tunnel. The pink, white and red rock make for spectacular scenery, so we would return to drive more of the area and to try some of the easy hikes. Moderate and challenging hikes are also available. The speed limit is 35 mph but the views make it worth taking your time.

That night we stayed in Beaver, and the next day we put in what, for us, was a long day to reach Butte, Montana. There was some snow on Monida Pass, but we only had to slow down for a short section and conditions improved.

When we left Butte the next morning, we drove through bits of snow and a little bit of ice, but the road was generally fine. Again we put in a long day and drove all the way home to Red Deer. It had been a great two months plus, but it did feel good to open the door to our house.

We will go to Tucson again. There are more things to do, and we would hope to come home later so we could explore more parks on the way. Tucson is known as a bike riders´ paradise, but it is also great for seniors who just want to explore.

Betty Audet writes: I was delighted with your mention of Henty. I loved his books when I was a kid.

ED. NOTE: Just in case you are unfamiliar with Henty´s books, here is a quote from a site that is offering all 120 of his books for sale: "Once upon a time, when adventure-loving boys throughout the civilized world read good books, G. A. Henty´s historical novels could be found on the shelves of many great leaders, including Nobel Prize winners, historians, prime ministers, generals, and preachers. The inimitable Winston Churchill himself was a G. A. Henty fan. But far too many of today´s boys have forgotten the thrill of a good book, preferring instead the easy entertainment of video and computer games, or the time-wasting distraction that the Web can so quickly become."

Obviously, from Betty´s note and my experience, it was not only boys who read Henty´s books. I remember the titles of only a few that I read, which included "With Clive in India," "With Kitchener in the Soudan," and "The Cat of Bubastes."

Catherine Nesbitt sends an example of a common

FRUSTRATION

The jar isn´t empty;
it never will be.
The neck of the jar
is frustrating me.

I fight against waste
But that jar wins the war,
So the last yummy spoonfull
will go out the door.

Will someone explain
why designers of bottles
make necks so darned small...
Just to drive us all bonkers?

Catherine Green forwards this timely story about a heavenly perspective on

LAWN ECOLOGY

God: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles, and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now, but all I see are these green rectangles.

St. Francis: It´s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it´s so boring. It´s not colourful. It doesn´t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sodworms. It´s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren´t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, leaves fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It´s a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You´d better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

God: No fooling? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

God: Enough. I don´t want to think about this any more. St. Catherine, you´re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It´s a really stupid movie about....

God: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Don Henderson shares the story of one woman´s solution:

A PROBLEM SOLVED

Have you ever felt like strangling one of those loud-mouthed cell phone users who seem to sit near you in a restaurant or any other place and forcibly share their private call with you?

Here´s one solution on how to combat this display of bad manners.

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart, it´s Eric. I´m on the train - yes, I know it´s the six-thirty and not the four-thirty, but I had a long meeting.... No, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office - with the boss. No sweetheart, you´re the only one in my life. Yes, I´m sure, cross my heart!" etc., etc.

Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue, he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous talking, yelled at the top of her voice:

"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

My guess would be that Eric doesn´t use his cell phone in public any longer.

Carol Dilworth reminds us of this tall tale:

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries. and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What´s yours?"

"I´ll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I´ll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That´s brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you´ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That´s right. Whether it´s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What´s with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big rear and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Marilyn Magid asks

HOW MANY WOMEN WITH PMS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

A: One! ONLY ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don´t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And once they figured it out, they wouldn´t be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they´ve been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them, TWO DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT´S A WONDER WE HAVEN´T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON´T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!

I´m sorry. What was the question?

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Barbara Wear sends this funny ad aimed at women readers. Type your first name in the box and enjoy a heart-rending apology:

Bruce Galway forwards this link to a video of the life of an unusual bear, Bart:

Bruce also sends the URL for an incredibly cool video of a baby hummingbird:

Catherine Nesbitt suggests this video of some good wake-up music. Just so you don´t have to look it up, the instrument the first man is playing is a 125-string Appenzeller Hackbrett. The yodellers are also great, as is the Alpenhorn player:

Gerrit deLeeuw sends this link to a video of the renowned Dutch violinist, conductor and composer, Andre Rieu, and his orchestra performing "My Way" as a tribute to Frank Sinatra at Radio City Music Hall in New York:

Kate forwards the URL for an online dictionary called Wordnik that in addition to defining words, offers a word of the day, a blog, a search engine, and the ability to save word lists (for example "words I´d like to use one day"):

We typically think of climate change as the biggest environmental issue we face today. But maybe it´s not? In this presentation, Jonathan Foley shows how agriculture and land use are maybe a bigger culprit in the global environment, and could grow even larger as we look to feed over nine billion people in the future:

John Clarke and Bryan Dawe discuss the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to