Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2012-18

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Kate Brookfield is busy scanning photos of their year in India
• We get letters from Barbara Wear, Betty Fehlhaber, and Jean Sterling
• Dalton Deedrick begins a story of volunteering in the Philippines
• Pat Moore describes some B&Bs and mazes she has visited
• Rafiki forwards a number of tried and true "laws"
• Don Henderson sends an explanatory map of Canada
• Have you read any good books lately?
• Sites are recommended by Bruce Galway, Catherine Nesbitt, Marilyn Magid, and Pat

Kate Brookfield is too busy this week to write about their life in

INDIA

She writes: Mike bought a scanner to convert slides to digital format, and I have been scanning all the slides of India. This is quite a task as the slides are old and each one needs a bit of touching up and improving.

I seem to have so much going on at the moment. The ESL class I am teaching is expanding, and I am preparing lessons for that. Some of the women´s husbands want to attend, so it will be a larger class.

I got into this volunteer position when a couple from Brazil came to Canada to work at the University. They are both geologists and she is doing her PhD. I visited the wife, and one thing led to another, and she asked if I would help her with her English. Of course I said yes.

They live in a University complex for married students, usually visiting faculty and Master´s students. The men are usually the ones at the University and their wives and children live in this townhouse complex, not far from where I live. There is one unit set aside as a community centre, and a director organizes activities and produces a monthly bulletin of what is going on. She was excited about the idea of offering English classes and asked if we could open it to the community. The rest is history. So here I am giving ESL classes to people with a diverse list of native languages from Venezuela, Brazil, China, Nicaragua....

I have found that if they really want to learn, they are highly motivated and it is easy to teach them. The woman from Venzuela does not want to return to her country. She and her husband are seeking Canadian status and there is a language requirement, so they are highly motivated to learn to speak and write English to do the required test. The others are all "academics", so bright and well educated in their own countries.

I once volunteered to teach ESL in Guelph, and the class was mainly Italian women who had lived in Canada for years and made no effort to learn English. Their kids did all their communicating for them, and they started going to the free classes for a social time ... and because I think their kids got sick of translating and told them to learn English! It was not so interesting to try to teach this kind of person. I spent time preparing a class on booking a holiday - all the words and expressions for using at a travel agency. At the end of the class one women said: "Me? I goa to Italian travel agent!"

Back to the travel stories. Scanning the slides is good for me as seeing the photographs jogs my memory, so I would prefer to go ahead and scan all the slides and then do the stories so I can add the photos at the same time.

Meanwhile, I am sending you the photo of the fuse box and some odd photos of us in Delhi and Chandigarh.

The pictures follow:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1. The fuse box. It does not look as dramatic as I remember it.

2. Caroline doing handstands during the monsoon.

3. Caroline in the monsoon.

4. Caroline in Indian dress and her friend Ritou in western dress.

5. The final photo shows us all on cycle rickshaws going into town. I was horrified at how the Indians all piled on one bike and then started to barter about price. Usually, we just had two of us in one cycle rickshaw.

CORRESPONDENCE

Barbara Wear writes: I enjoyed the videos of the Swiss/German players, singers, and yodellers [in last week´s issue]. Once into the site, there were many to pick from on the right of the screen. What an enjoyable hour I have had, listening to them all! I don´t understand German, but it was fun listening to the MC speak.

ED. NOTE: If you missed it, here is the link:

Betty Fehlhaber writes: I recently received an e-mail stating that Canola oil and soy oil are poisonous. The wording of the e-mail concerned me, so I went to Snopes for their take on it. If you receive an e-mail like this, please be advised that Snopes says it is FALSE. Delete it and please don´t pass it on! I suggest you go to Snopes and click on this link and read it:

Then send this information to your contacts so they will not believe this false allegation.

Jean Sterling writes: I especially liked the story about the cell phone boor. Cell phones are so horribly misused, IMO. And people always talk so LOUDLY on them. I found myself hoping that the story was true - he sure got what he deserved. I´ll bet the whole train car of people felt like applauding.

We are going up to New Brunswick in the beginning of July. We´re going to an elderhostel (now called Road Scholar) that is about the Bay of Fundy. We were there once before on our own, and I found it to be a fascinating place. So I will have something to write about when we get back.

ED. NOTE: We´ll be looking forward to it, Jean.

Speaking of volunteering, Dalton Deedrick is a dentist from Alberta who has taken his skills to areas where the people seldom saw a dentist. Here is a reprint of one of his stories:

WAR AND CHAOS IN SOUTH-EAST ASIA

For those of us who have lived all our lives in a country where life goes on in a predictable, safe, hum-drum fashion, it is a sobering revelation to see the dark side of the human condition in other parts of the world. As a Rotary volunteer, I was assigned to work for a month in a dental clinic in a refugee camp in the Philippines. What a remarkable experience it was.

Most of us have forgotten the history of that era, so I´ll review a bit of the background that explains the mass exodus of thousands of Asians in the years following the Vietnamese war.

With the withdrawal of U.S. forces in 1973, South Vietnam was quickly turned into a communist state, though most of her citizens hated the new order. The communists began to push into Laos and Cambodia, the latter already being involved in a war with Thailand. To further complicate matters, the horrendous Pol Pot regime began in Cambodia, a reign of terror that lasted four years and resulted in death by execution or starvation of nearly one-quarter of its population. In any of these countries, anyone deemed "an enemy of the state" could be summarily executed, or whisked away to a fate unknown to his or her family. Prime suspects, of course, were those who had supported the South Vietnamese cause, or who had been sympathetic to whatever regime had preceded new governments in the small nations.

It was no wonder that hundreds of thousands of people, terrified by the reprisals facing them, were all frantically trying to escape their homelands. This desperate flood of humanity washed up on the borders of Thailand, Hong Kong, Indonesia and the Philippines. None of these countries had the resources to cope with such an influx of unwelcome guests, and it was not long before most of the avenues of escape were being barred.

To bring some order into this maelstrom, the United Nations set up a high commission for refugee relief, and began to administer camps where these people would be safe until they could be relocated. All of the developed countries were urged to make way for immigration of these people, and most of them, often with reluctance, established quotas that they would accept. The United States had by far the largest quota, then Canada and the European nations. At the time I was in camp, 700,000 had already gone to the United States, and another 200,000 were on a waiting list. Scandinavia had filled their quota, and other countries were near their limit.

With that brief background, let´s get on with life in the camp to which I was assigned. Marong was a quiet little fishing village on the Bataan Peninsula, north of Manilla and Corregidore, and just below Subic Bay and the big Clarke air force base. The camp contained 14,000 refugees, a mixture of Vietnamese, Laotian, Thais and Cambodians. The coastline was the nearest landfall for any boat which would sail eastward from Vietnam, so this camp had a very high percentage of "boat people." About ten of the boats were hauled up from the beaches where they had landed, and lay about the camp as a silent reminder for anyone who might have forgotten the terrible details of their final voyages.

The housing consisted of block after block of long two-storey buildings, divided into rooms 10 by 20 feet. There was one family or blended family to a room, so that there were at least six to ten people occupying the space. Truckloads of food arrived daily from Manila, paid for by the United Nations, and each family unit sent a representative to the central distribution area to pick up their daily ration. There would be some tinned goods, and lots of vegetables and fruit. Nutritionally, they were well looked after.

The average time spent in camp was about ten months, and during this period there were mandatory classes. Before leaving, each adult was expected to have completed 420 hours of instruction in "English as a second language," 180 hours of "Cultural Orientation," and 150 hours in "Pre-Employment." The children had school classes. The teachers were Philippine nationals, and though I don´t doubt their dedication and sincerity, I sometimes wondered at the results of their English lessons. I certainly had trouble understanding them in daily mess hall visits!

The "Cultural Orientation" instruction included such subjects as carpentry, business machines, tailoring, dressmaking, and familiarization with household appliances common to us. Many had never seen an electric stove or a refrigerator. The "Pre-employment" time was credited to them for cutting grass, doing daily food pick- up, helping in the hospital and dental clinics, and generally keeping the camp tidy. In the latter category, they succeeded admirably.

To be continued.

Pat Moore recalls

ENGLISH HOUSES AND MAZES

On one trip to England we stayed at the house where Robert Peel was born. It had been turned into a wonderful bed and breakfast, and we loved to stay in those rather than hotels, to chat with people, and to find all the interesting things to do in the area.

In Cheddar, England, we stayed at a delightful B&B. It had a lovely large aviary, and it was fascinating to see all the local birds of that area. While we were there overnight, the hosts told us about all the local events, such as the Cheddar Cheese Festival, the Historical Steam Train Festival, an Antique Road Show, and an Orchid Show, so we ended up staying a week instead of just a day.

The one I will always remember was the B&B of Christopher Wren´s house - the Architect of Britain. It was a tall thin house where he was born, and our suite was on three levels - all tiny rooms. The bedroom was on one level, the bathroom above, and the sitting room above that. I guess all the changes were made when they converted it into a B&B. It was absolutely charming.

When we made our reservations, they had inquired about our choice of reading material. When we arrived, there were books to read from his library, and a Wedgwood plate with cheese and crackers for us in the sitting room. There was also a little Waterford crystal bowl filled with pure soap flakes in the bathroom.

In the past we had read many time of the difficulty of getting out of a maze. I cannot remember where we were, but I remember we stopped to try a maze one day as part of a visit to one of the historic houses or castles - it was huge!

It took us three hours to find our way out - they do not make them easy. At dusk they send people in to guide the lost ones who cannot not find their way out without help!

The hedges were sooooooo tall - well over six feet; and so thick, usually about four feet - that we could not see or hear anybody else, except for people shouting, "Help! I´m lost!" It was great fun. If you were lucky, you could find your way out in two hours.

In central Alberta an enterprising farmer has built a corn maze to raise money for the Food Bank. Every year people visit to have fun with their families and to help raise money. It costs $1.00 per person, and last year they raised $23,000. It is great fun as you can hear and see everyone trying to find the way out. The farmer leaves the corn rows not too thick so the children can try too - they are usually better than the adults at finding their way out. It takes about an hour.

Rafiki knows these are true because she has tested them herself:

THE OH-SO-TRUE LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you´ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - f you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don´t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won´t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theatre and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, and who leave early before the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy´s Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don´t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown´s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they´re ugly.

17. Oliver´s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson´s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors´ Law - If you don´t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you´ll feel better. But don´t make an appointment, and you´ll stay sick.

Don Henderson sends

REALISTIC MAP OF CANADA

Read any good books lately? Here are some titles you might want to look up:

SOME NEW BOOK RELEASES

How to Write Big Books by Warren Peace

The Lion Attacked by Claude Yarmoff

The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow

Songs for Children by Barbara Blacksheep

Irish Heart Surgery by Angie O´Plasty

Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel

School Truancy by Marcus Absent

I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate

I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

Positive Reinforcement by Wade Ago

Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts

Shhh! by Danielle Soloud

The Philippine Post Office by Imelda Letter

Things to Do at a Party by Bob Frapples

Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath

Come on In! by Doris Open

The German Bank Robbery by Hans Zupp

I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight

Prison Security by Barb Dweyer

Irish First Aid by R. U. O´Kaye

I Didn´t Do It! by Ivan Alibi

Why I Eat at McDonalds by Tommy Ayk

ED. NOTE: Yeah, I know: awful puns! And there are more....

RECOMMENDED SITES

Bruce Galway sends this link to another bear video. A man is hunting from a tree stand when an adult black bear wanders into the clearing directly below the tree. This may not be the ideal way to deal with a bear that climbs your tree, but it works for this man:

Catherine Nesbitt forwards the URL for a video you may have seen before but which is well worth watching again:

Gerrit deLeeuw suggests this site for a wonderful show from the Cirque Du Soleil:

Marilyn Magid forwards this link to a video of 94-year-old Mathilda Klein dancing in a style many younger people will envy:

Pat Moore challenges you to pass this driving test, which is American and may be slightly different from the Canadian test:

Peter Saul is Senior Intensivist in the adult and paediatric ICU at John Hunter Hospital, and Director of Intensive Care at Newcastle Private Hospital. Having been deeply involved in the dying process of over 4000 patients in the past 35 years, Peter has taken an interest in how we die, and how this has changed beyond all recognition in a single generation:

Remember the question about how many women with PMS it takes to change a light bulb? This video seems to be about the same problem:

The Generous Garden is not a community garden in the traditional sense. While volunteers and community members grow and nurture the garden´s herbs and vegetables - such as kale, broccoli, and zucchini - they are not the ones who will be enjoying them. All of the 100% organic produce goes to local food banks, shelters and single-parent families:

Considering the dispute going on over having oil tankers sailing in the dangerous waters of BC´s coast, this sketch is timely. In it, John Clarke and Bryan Dawe debate the merits of ship design and the concepts of maritime law in this Monty-Python-esque comedy sketch:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to