Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2012-20

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Kate Brookfield is too busy to write an instalment this week
• Mike Yeager describes a summer touring Europe
• Jean Sterling writes about hearing aids
• Irene Harvalias´ story explains what teachers do
• Check for these signs that you are getting old
• Pat Moore forwards a new blonde joke
• Scambusters summarize tips for avoiding being scammed
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards a cowboy poem
• Sites are recommended by Don Henderson, Gerrit deLeeuw, Jay, Pat Moore, and Tony Lewis

A YEAR IN INDIA

Kate Brookfield apologizes for the lack of an instalment this week. Her life at the moment is too hectic to give her enough time to recall the events of the year she and her family spent in India, but she is working on the next instalment whenever she can. As editor, I thank her for taking time from her busy schedule to tell us about a land and a way of life that most of us will never see.

From Mike Yeager´s blog, http://www.aretiredboomer.blogspot.com, here is his account of a summer spent

TRUDGING THROUGH EUROPE

In the summer of 1970, after I was discharged from the Army and my friend Paul graduated from college, we took a three-month break from our lives and backpacked through Europe. I had missed the whole 60s phenomenon, having been on a three-year all-expenses-paid assignment for Uncle Sam on US Army bases and in South East Asia. I felt I had missed the biggest party and the best music of my generation.

Paul had been at the University of Wisconsin, noted for its huge protest rallies with active radical anti-government and anti-military sentiment. Paul was in ROTC during his four years there. Walking across campus in his uniform on the way to an ROTC meeting was a supreme challenge. He said he had to pick his route carefully, dodging around buildings trying to avoid the many radical students.

But that summer, we were both free of our uniforms, growing our hair long, and determined to make up for lost time. We found that we were not the only adventurers in Europe that summer. The continent was crawling with young long hairs from all parts of the globe, milling around in the historic cities, hitchhiking along the roadways, and camping in parks and on the pristine Mediterranean beaches.

We bought backpacks for the trip. Paul found a canvas one at an Army Navy surplus store. Mine was nylon with an external aluminum frame. Both packs got progressively heavier as we went along. We filled them with presents for our families and items that we just could not pass up. For example, in Italy we discovered a new kind of sneaker made in Germany. They were called Adidas and were sort of like a tennis shoe, but more streamlined and with better arch support. They came in a variety of colors and had three stripes on the side. We were excited about showing people at home these new shoes and wondered if they would ever catch on in America.

This was two years before Nike started the running shoe craze for everyday wear. We appreciated how these shoes felt as we trudged around with those heavy packs.

The Spanish trains were slow. We were working our way toward Portugal along the Spanish Riviera, but it felt like it was taking forever. In Valencia, a beautiful seaside town, I bought a flamenco guitar and a soft case with a handle. I was a fairly new guitar player and only knew a few songs, but I had visions of serenading some babes down on the beach. Well, that never happened, but I did became a one-handed pack animal from then on.

When we got into Barcelona it was late at night and we found there were no rooms to rent because there was some kind of festival going on. We spent the night unsuccessfully attempting to get comfortable on wooden park benches with no pillows or blankets. Vowing never again to be caught out unprepared, we kept our eyes open for light sleeping bags or blankets.

Greece had the best and cheapest stuff of all. We bought jewelry for our moms, dresses for our sisters, and some ornate vases that were intricately carved and must have weighed about five pounds each. Into the packs the stuff went. I wanted a shoulder bag and found an endless variety in the tourist shops. I bought a yellow one with a Greek design across the middle and a white rope cord. I saw a lot of guys with shoulder bags. I thought I looked hip with it slung over my shoulder. Paul later told me I looked twinkie. We each bought puzzle rings that required a fair amount of practice to put back together after they fell apart with regular frequency.

From Greece we took the Orient Express up along the coast of Yugoslavia. We stayed at a youth hostel in Belgrade. There were pictures of Tito everywhere we went. We had no idea who the guy was but agreed he was very popular. The people in Yugoslavia, still under Communist rule at the time, were extremely nice and very curious about anything to do with the western world. At the hostel however, we thought we had been treated poorly, I dont remember what the issue was, but we felt justified stealing a couple wool blankets they had supplied us for the night. In the early morning we slipped out with our stolen blankets cleverly concealed. Once clear of the place, we readjusted our loads, draping the blankets over the top of our packs like saddle blankets on a cowboys horse.

We wanted to go up into the mountains of Austria and felt we needed hiking boots. The pair I bought was big, made of hard leather, and very heavy. Paul envied my sturdy rock climbing boots, but actually his lighter boots were the smarter purchase. We went on a few hikes in the mountains of Austria and Switzerland, then had to carry the boots around with us everywhere else. We tied the laces together, readjusted the blankets and slung the boots over the top.

The purchase we were most looking forward to was Swiss watches. First, we went to a Rolex distributor. For about $300 we could have bought gold watches that would sell for thousands of dollars today, but we decided to go for the less expensive Bulovas. They had just come out with the tuning fork design that kept perfect time and ran off a battery. I opted for a slightly less expensive self-winding watch with an attractive blue face. Paul bought the more high tech battery-powered watch, a present for his dad. He was so worried about customs that he smeared chocolate all over it on the airplane and wore it concealed on one wrist, while his own watch was on the other.

After returning home, Paul took the watch to the local jeweller to find out the real value of this most cherished purchase bought from an authentic Swiss dealer. The jeweller carefully looked at it and then motioned for Paul to come over and look in one of his display cases. There it was, the exact same watch and for less money. My self-winding watch never kept time very well and then petered out all together. I still have it in one of my desk drawers, along with the broken puzzle ring and some broken Greek jewelry my mom dutifully wore several times just to be appreciative. She was that kind of mom. The Greek dress was too small for my sister and quickly was discarded. My blanket was eaten by moths. Amazingly, Paul still has his, but our boots got mouldy and had to be thrown out. The guitar is long gone, and of course the Adidas have been replaced numerous times by Tigers, which predated Nikes, Pumas, Reeboks and Sauconys.

Both Paul and I consider that summer trip one of the highlights of our lives. Im relatively sure that by the time the summer was over, we could have confidently signed on with a Himalayan expedition as sherpas. Man, those packs were heavy!

ED. NOTE: To read more of Mike´s adventures in Europe, click on Travels in Europe in the sidebar in his blog.

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling comments on Norma Patterson´s letter, in which she mentioned taking out hearing aids in order to avoid hearing cell phone conversations:

Norma´s line about taking out hearing aids reminded me of my childhood friend, Denise, whose father had a hearing aid. Denise´s brother, Ross, was taking violin lessons, and was not exactly blessed with an abundance of musical talent (to put it mildly). Denise´s father was talking to my dad one night and remarked that having a hearing aid did indeed have its benefits. "When Ross practices his violin," he told my dad, "I just turn this thing off."

Irene Harvalias forwards this story about

A PROFOUND ANSWER

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He said, "Whats a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

To stress his point he said to another guest, "You´re a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?"

She paused for a second, then began: "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

"I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can´t make them sit for five without an iPod, Game Cube, or movie rental.

"You want to know what I make?" She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.

"I make kids wonder; I make them question; I make them apologize and mean it; I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write, and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn´t everything. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their brains, not calculators.

"I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

"Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life."

Bonnie paused one last time and then continued, "Then when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn´t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make, Mr. CEO?"

Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible!

GETTING OLD

* There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.

* You´re getting old when you don´t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don´t have to go along.

* Middle age is when work is a lot less fun - and fun is a lot more work.

* Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Now isn´t that a great time for a guy to get those kind of odds?

* You know you´re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

* Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

* By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he´s too old to go anywhere.

* Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

* A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

* You know you´re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

* You´re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn´t do anything the night before!

* The cardiologist´s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

* It´s hard to be nostalgic when you can´t remember anything.

* When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

Pat Moore forwards

A NEW BLONDE JOKE

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a baby boomer from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me. Sorry. Oops, excuse me. Pardon me, gotta hurry. Oops, excuse me."

By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn´t you have done this a little earlier?"

"No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The ´Turn off your cell phone please´ message just flashed up on the screen, and mine is out in the car."

Catherine Nesbitt forwards a cowboy´s poem about

BUYING A BRA

I ain´t much for shopping,
Or for goin´ into town,
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain´t too easily found.

But the day came when I had to go;
I left the kids with Ma.
But ´fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

So without thinkin´ I said, "Sure."
How tough could that job be?
An´ I bent down and kissed her
An´ said, "I´ll be back by three."

Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat

I walked into the ladies´ shop,
My hat pulled over my eyes;
I didn´t want to take a chance
On bein´ recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn´t hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
"I´m here to buy a bra."

From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see.
Every woman in that store
Was a´gawkin´ right at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I´d only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look.
"Well, sir, that´s where you´re wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say.
Like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I´d never seen before;
I thought I´d go plumb crazy
´fore I left that women´s store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours,
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain´t wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in,
When you start off when you´re small.

Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size;
I didn´t hesitate.
I knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."

"Six and seven eighths, you say?
That really isn´t right."
"Oh, yes, ma´am! I´m real positive -
I measured them last night!"

I thought that she´d go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife´s bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That´s what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I´m wrong, I´m sorry, ma´am."
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered,
And they all was crackin´ up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife had heard the story
´fore I ever made it home.
She´d talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin´,
But by then I didn´t care.
Now she don´t ask, and I don´t shop
For women´s underwear.

This week´s newsletter from Scambusters has 10 tips for avoiding

BEING TAKEN IN BY SCAMS

It begins: "Although you could fill a whole catalogue to overflowing with con tricks, you can actually protect yourself from scams - or at least most of them - just by applying a handful of rules." It summarizes the tips:

1. Don´t buy or invest in something that seems too good to be true.

2. Don´t accept that someone is who they say they are.

3. Don´t spend money upfront to get or earn money.

4. Don´t buy (or rent) from someone you don´t know or haven´t checked out.

5. Protect your confidential information.

6. Don´t make hasty decisions.

7. Only donate to charities you know or have checked out.

8. Use reputable security software on your PC and keep it up to date.

9. Don´t click on links and attachments in unsolicited, unchecked messages or social networks.

10. Don´t wire cash, unless you´re sending money to someone you know.

ED. NOTE: For further information about these tips, see the current issue of Scambusters at http://arunaurl.com/4jl9

SUGGESTED SITES

Don Henderson forwards this link to a "mockumentary", The Majestic Plastic Bag:

Still on the subject of plastic, Gerrit deLeeuw forwards this link to a video of a Japanese inventor who discovered a way to turn plastic back into the oil from which it was made. He speaks in Japanese, but there are English subtitles, and the video is well worth your time:

Gerrit sends the URL for a video of a couple of antiques - one is a woman, 101 years old, and the other is a car, 81 years old. The woman is still driving, and changes the oil and spark plugs herself:

Jay recommends this Dow Chemical "Quiet Train" ad, because although he knows the Dow is a destructive corporation, he appreciates a good ad:

Pat Moore suggests this video of photos taken by the international space station as it flies above the earth:

Tony Lewis forwards the URL for a video about gratitude:

From Heroic Stories No. 843, I learned that drowning victims are not always obviously in trouble. They do not call for help nor wave their arms, but slip quietly beneath the water and drown. Soon swimming season will be here, and everyone who takes children to the beach should be aware of this fact. For more information, click on

For a video of ingenious Italian space-saving furniture, click on

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to