Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2013-05

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IN THIS ISSUE

VOL. XIX, NO. 5, FEBRUARY 2, 2013

IN THIS ISSUE

• Barbara Wear has fond memories from her youth
• Pat Moore laments the loss of the penny
• Tom Williamson forwards a police warning to motorists
• Zvonko Springer sends the story of a Jewish elbow
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards an article by a west coast sea captain
• Tom Williamson shares some hints for winter driving
• Sites are recommended by Barbara Wear, Bruce Galway, Carol Hansen, Don Henderson, Gerrit deLeeuw, and Tom Williamson

Barbara Wear waxes nostalgic:

A FEW MEMORIES OF THE POND

The wind was howling and biting at my nose and cheeks as I walked across the street to watch the boys and girls skate on Kelleher Pond. My dog, Pipsi, was walking with me, trying to brave the cold as I was. She didn´t particularly like the coat I put on her to keep her warm when we walked outside, but she tolerated it, knowing it would keep her from freezing. When we reached the other side of the street, I pulled the fur hood over my head and pulled the string just a bit tighter to block out the cold that kept trying to seep inside my winter jacket. The gloves were not keeping my hands warm, so I put them in my pockets in hopes they would get some heat.

Pipsi and I walked to the edge of the pond and stood there watching the kids as they shot the hockey puck across the ice, not seeming to mind the wind that whipped across their faces. There were about 25 on skates this cold Sunday, some playing hockey, and some just ice skating with their family or friends. The temperature was 16 degrees Fahrenheit.

As I stood there, so many memories popped into my mind of days gone by. I was about to turn 74 in a few days, and many times in my youth I skated on that pond. I also got many bumps and bruises from the falls I took when learning to skate. My friend Peggy and I would walk the mile or more from our family homes to the pond, just to lace up our skates and push out onto the ice. We had many a fun day on that ice-solid pond in our teen years. For a few minutes I closed my eyes and brought back those times when we were young, and the cold didn´t penetrate our bodies as it was doing to mine today.

Where have the years gone to? I say to myself. Peggy and I skated on the pond, and then our children skated there, and now our grandchildren are venturing out to sail with the wind. It was fun reminiscing about those days, and when I turned and walked back to my home, I was thankful for the days spent on this particular pond. Once inside the house, I looked forward to sitting in front of the fireplace and warming my fingers and toes and drinking a hot cup of coffee. In spite of the cold, it was a special day of memories.

Pat Moore is upset about another decision of the Harper government:

FAREWELL TO THE PENNY

February 4, 2013, is going to be a sad day for many. That is the day the Canadian mint will be making its last penny. To some it will not mean much in the way of world news, but for those of us who have wonderful memories of the penny, it will mean a great loss.

Can you ever glimpse a shiny penny on the ground without wondering if it came from a guardian angel that knew you needed some luck that day? Can you remember the thrill of walking along with parents and friends and they did not see the penny that you saw - perhaps it was because they were much taller, but then again perhaps they did not see the magic in that little penny on the ground.

During the Depression, as a young child, I spent the first five years of my life in England, and when we returned to live in Canada in May, we went directly to our cottage on Lake Winnipeg. It was my job to go out first thing in the morning before breakfast and gather several cups of fresh wild strawberries to add to our breakfast. Then on Wednesdays and Saturdays, it was my turn to walk up to the train and the local post office to wait for the mail train.

Lake Winnipeg is just an hour´s drive from Winnipeg, so many seniors from the city moved to the lake as soon as the weather turned warm in May, and usually stayed until October,while the families and small children arrived at the cottages during the summer. For me, that was heaven, as I could stop in and visit with all the people who moved to the lake in May. It was a long three-mile walk to the post office, so I had a good excuse to stop in for a chat and a "cuppa" tea - mainly tea with lots of sugar and milk.

That was my first experience with cards and I learned how to play cribbage and other card games from the seniors who moved down early. What fun and laughter we had, and I soon learned how to count. Then off I would go to wait for the mail train to come in about noon - often with a farewell to remind me to stop in on my way home for a piece of gingerbread cake with applesauce or something special.

Sometimes, but not often, I would find a penny on my walk to the train station and I would spend the rest of the walk dreaming about the penny candy the store would have on display. My mother always gave me a penny for the walk as she knew I loved to get there early and put the penny on the track, and then watch it getting flattened. What a thrill to see that noisy, big train coming whistling down the track, and to wonder what shape I would find that penny in - now very big and nor round anymore.

If I had been lucky enough to find a penny on the way, I could then visit the local store and spend a lot of time looking at the glass cases filled with penny candy, and finally make a choice. No candy ever since has ever tasted so good.

Then a long walk home, refreshed with that piece of gingerbread cake, or perhaps a cookie and milk, and add my new penny to my collection of flattened pennies in a special jar.

Now I save pennies to use when we are playing cards at the seniors´ condo where I live - but the pennies do not have the same magic. The government declares that it will save about $11M/year, as it costs more to buy the copper metal to make the penny than it is worth, but to a child, that does not matter one cent!

Tom Williamson forwards this

WARNING FROM POLICE

Just last Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away, I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas. Luckily, my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car.

Then we received this e-mail yesterday:?? Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating. You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car, and get inside. You start the engine and shift into reverse.?? When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So you shift into park, unlock your door, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

??And guess what, ladies? I´ll bet your purse is still in the car.

??So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!

??If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want it to fall into the wrong hands.

Zvonko Springer forwards the story of

THE JEWISH ELBOW

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I´m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What ... you are coming empty handed?"

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this article by Edward Wray, an 87-year-old retired west coast sea captain who spent nearly half a century on the water:

DON´T BE FOOLED BY HARPER´S PIPELINE PLANS

I write this article from the perspective of an old-timer who has a few tidbits of wisdom from my time on this planet. These thoughts are to do with the feds and Enbridge´s so-called plan to run supertankers through the narrow passages out of Kitimat.

One word sums this up: poppycock!

I have been capable, and qualified, to sail any ship this world had to offer and in charge of some of the largest vessels used on this British Columbia coastline. My certificate, signed by the then Federal Minister of Transportation, was unrestricted; it literally states, "Limitations: None."

I´ve sailed every part of this coast, seen just about every kind of storm, squall or system, and I´ve experienced every kind of tide, current or cycle imaginable. With this in mind, I believe I am qualified to ask the simplest of questions: Why would anyone in their right mind ever consider the proposition of running supertankers through the seascape around Kitimat?

Every skipper would describe the conditions in B.C. as "unpredictable." This aptly pertains to anywhere along our coast but gains special meaning when applied to the labyrinth of inlets and islands along the route out of Kitimat. There are simply too many variables at play to guarantee safety, and there have been only too many wrecks to prove it. These include the carcass of the U.S. Warship M.S. Zalinski, currently leaking its 700 tons of fuel oil into the estuary, and the ill-fated Queen of the North, that sank as recently as 2006.

When sailing these waters, even simple navigation presents difficulties. Given the size of these mammoth vessels, the distances for turning or stopping these boats would be measured in kilometres, not feet. Assisted by tugboats, they would need to proceed at a snail´s pace, which leads to the next challenge.

There is not a career captain on the coast who hasn´t seen a storm come out of nowhere. It would be simply impossible to avoid one and I´m here to tell you that when Mother Nature kicks up a fuss in those straights, hell hath no fury.

Years ago, out of Kitimat, the wind kicked up so hard, we were literally going backwards at full throttle. All I can say is that I surely appreciated the distance between me and the rocky shore, a luxury these supertankers just won´t have.

Tides are another thing. The reason there is no standard depth along here is they shift so frequently. This wouldn´t pose as much of a threat if not compounded by the severe currents, and the high winds that can blow several feet of water up and down the inlets. I´m sure that this is only scratching the surface of the variables and combinations thereof that would make a disaster here more probable than possible.

I could spend more time discussing the possibility of mechanical failure, human error, the futility of double-hulled tankers in this terrain, or containing a spill here, but really this is not the purpose of this article.

My main objective is to shed some light on what appears to be a shell game the Harper government is playing with us. These people are either complete idiots or taking us for fools; and I don´t believe they´re idiots.

If I were in the position of the current government and Enbridge - who are so obviously in bed together - and I wanted to push through something so obviously against the interests of Canada in general, and B.C. in particular, I would do the following:

Propose something so egregious and unsavoury, such as a plan to run supertankers through some of the most volatile but pristinely beautiful areas that Canada has to offer. And then, when a decision is to be made, and opposition is at its highest, make a concession, rerouting the pipeline to a "safer" harbour, most likely Prince Rupert, which was the plan all along.

In this plot the attention would be focused on a probable massive disaster on the coast and turned away from the probability of numerous smaller disasters along the pipeline path itself. By the time the dust settles the pipeline would be approved, construction would begin and there would be no recourse.

This plan might also be designed to try to defeat Aboriginal interests. It is my understanding that in order to pass legal muster in regards to passing this through First Nations´ territory, the government must both "consult" these communities and "accommodate" their interests. It appears this fall back may be the "accommodation" necessary to meet that legal test if the First Nations challenge the decision in court.

My message to British Columbians on all this is: don´t be fooled!

Stand up now before it´s too late, or we´ll be choking on raw bitumen for generations to come, and all so a very few fat cats in Alberta and China can reap billions. I implore you, don´t let these greedy corporate hacks steal my great-grandchildren´s beautiful legacy.

Tomas Williamson writes: I have no idea if these ideas work, but I can imagine seeing you with a basket of shaving cream, hand sanitizer, rubbing alcohol, and car wax, winter proofing your car! Oh, don´t forget the vinegar spray, and cooking spray - more commonly called "PAM".

HELPFUL HINTS FOR WINTER DRIVING

Keep your headlights clear with car wax. Just wipe ordinary car wax on your headlights. It contains special water repellents that will prevent that messy mixture from accumulating on your lights - lasts six weeks.

Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol. Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make badly streaking and squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence and clarity.

Ice-proof your windows with vinegar. Frost on its way? Just fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water and spritz it on all your windows at night. In the morning, they´ll be clear of icy mess. Vinegar contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water, preventing it from freezing.

Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray. Spritz cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors and rub it in with a paper towel. The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber.

Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream. Spray some shaving cream on the inside of your windshield and wipe if off with paper towels. Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial defoggers.

De-ice your lock in seconds with hand sanitizer. Just put some hand sanitizer gel on the key and the lock and the problem is solved!

ED. NOTE: Don´t forget to add paper towels to that basket of remedies!

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Barbara Wear writes: Somebody had a lot of fun with this and spent hours putting these clips together. Most of the people in the clips were deceased before the Bee Gees recorded "Stayin´ Alive." Most people don´t know what a great dancer Rita Hayworth was. This clip shows that music may change but the moves are timeless:

Bruce Galway sends the URL for a video of the largest glacier-calving event every filmed:

Bruce also forwards this link to a video of a man who built his own island. Here´s a project that anyone wanting to get away from it all could emulate:

Carol Hansen forwards this link to an impressive illusion by Criss Angel:

If you want to know how the above trick was done, check out

Don Henderson passes this link on with a warning that it is both shocking and heartbreaking: a video about an island in the ocean 2000 km from any other coast, where nobody lives, only birds:

Gerrit deLeeuw forwards this link to an indictment of the human race:

Tomas Williamson forwards this link to a video of an auction in which an old Indian blanket that he had inherited from his family sold for far more than the owner had dared hope:

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To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to

http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/freedictionarytestpageV2.html