Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2013-11

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Joy Coetzee forwards a story of a seniors´ trip to Savannah
• Barbara Wear and Irene Harvalias both send this comparison
• Bruce Galway forwards a story about a hotel´s policy toward dogs
• Betty Audet shares quotes about grandparents
• Pat Moore sends the tale of wily old Farmer John
• In time for St. Patrick´s Day, here are some Irish jokes
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Carol Hansen, Catherine Nesbitt, Irene Harvalias, and Joy Coetzee

Joy Coetzee forwards this story from her friend Penny:

TRIP TO SAVANNAH, GEORGIA

On Monday, February 25, I left for a five-day trip to Savannah and surrounding areas with the Burke County Senior Citizens. The trip was sponsored by the senior centre, and one of the leaders of the centre, Amanda, was our group leader. We rode all day and stopped at an area where we had several choices for lunch. We went to a Subway and divided a 12-inch sub. I was rooming with my friend Judy. She and I worked together at the state hospital back in the late ´80s. We have remained friends through the years and now we attend the same church.

We got to our hotel, the Comfort Inn, a little early, but our rooms were ready. We went to Fatz Cafe for an included dinner. We had four choices, and I got the pineapple grilled chicken. We were back to the room and in bed early. We read a while before going to sleep. Judy and I both love to read, and we have Kindles, which are perfect for travel. I was reading "An Invisible Thread," which is an excellent book which was recommended in our mission circle last month.

On Tuesday we had a continental breakfast at the hotel. It was a good breakfast with lots of choices. At 9 a.m. we got back on the bus and went to Savannah. We toured the River Street area - the old town of Savannah. The warehouses have been made into shops and restaurants. We had lunch in a restaurant called Huey´s, which was recommended at the visitors´ centre. I had fried oysters and french-fried sweet potatoes.

From there we picked up a guide who came on our bus and told us a lot about the history of Savannah. She pointed out the historical buildings and monuments. The art college that is there now has been a big boost to the economy of the area. They have been buying up old buildings and redoing them, and opening businesses, besides adding on to the school.

Savannah was built as a fort to be a buffer between the Spanish in Florida and the English in the Carolinas. Savannah was not burned like some of the other cities during the Civil War because the mayor surrendered before Sherman got there, so a lot of the buildings are old and authentic.

We toured the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist and went inside and learned about its history. It was the first time I had seen a pipe organ that was not old. It was put in during the 1980s.

We went by the restaurant that Paula Deen and her sons run but didn´t eat there. It was much bigger than I expected. But I didn´t get to meet Paula Deen.

For dinner we went to The Shell House. I had Low Country boil, which I had never heard of. It is shrimp, red potatoes, corn on the cob, and sausage, all cooked together in the same pot. I might try that at home some time. We had peach cobbler for dessert.

We stopped at WalMart because a few people needed to pick up some things. When we got back to the hotel we had been going for 12 hours.

On Wednesday after the continental breakfast we went to Parris Island and toured the area of the Marine base where visitors are allowed. We also toured the museum and gift shop, where I bought my older grandsons Marine tee-shirts. We saw a film about the Marines and boot camp. They were getting ready to have a graduation, which brings many visitors to the area.

Then we went to the town of Beaufort. From the bus, we saw the town with its many beautiful old homes. We got off the bus and walked around and had lunch at Plumbs. I had clam chowder and shared a plate of oysters with Judy. We walked along the river and then went back to the hotel.

That night we had party. We had a buffet-type meal and a DJ who played music while some danced. Judy and I danced the twist. I found out something I didn´t know, that Judy is a clogger.

On Thursday we went to two of the Golden Isles of Georgia, St. Simons and Jekyll Island. We went to a church called Christ Church Frederica. John and Charles Wesley had preached there. I bought a cookbook that has pictures of all the stained glass windows in the church in it. There is also a very old cemetery there.

Then we went to the lighthouse and had lunch in that area. I had she crab soup, which I loved. I locked myself in the bathroom and had quite a panic attack, but managed to figure out the lock and get out by the time the maintenance man came to rescue me.

In the afternoon we toured Jekyll Island. It has an area where millionaires had summer homes in the years before the depression. Most of them lost their fortunes in the depression and the houses were sold for taxes, and now is a place for tourists and a wildlife preserve.

Friday we had an extra hour before we had to leave since we got there so early on Monday. We were home around 4 p.m.

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures. I have booked tours with the seniors for Lancaster, PA, in August, and Washington, DC, in October.

Barbara Wear and Irene Harvalias forward this comparison, which is still as true today as when it first appeared some years ago:

COMPUTERS COMPARED WITH CARS

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on:

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill´s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1.For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You´d have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

PS - I´d like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

Bruce Galway thinks every human should have a chance to read this, which is why he sends

DOGS WELCOME

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: "Sir: I´ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I´ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I´ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I´ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And if your dog will vouch for you, you´re welcome to stay here, too."

Betty Audet forwards these quotes about

GRANDPARENTS (AND GREAT-GRANDPARENTS)

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. - Author unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars´ worth of pleasure. - Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. - Author unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. - Welsh proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. - Author unknown

Never have children; only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you´re just a mother; the next you are all-wise and prehistoric. - Pam Brown

Grandchildren don´t stay young forever, which is good because grandfathers have only so many horsy rides in them. - Gene Perret

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. - Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. - Author unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. - Author unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I´d have had them first. - Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I´m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. - Gene Perret

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! - Hannah Whithall Smith

It´s such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that´s why the world calls her grandmother. -Author unknown

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. - Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby´s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . - Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defence. - Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. -Author unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. - Alex Haley

Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. - Author unknown

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. - Author unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. -Joy Hargrove

It´s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. - Author unknown

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you´re the grandma. - Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. - Author unknown

Grandchildren don´t make a man feel old; it´s the knowledge that he´s married to a grandmother. - G. Norman Collie

Pat Moore forwards this story about

FARMER JOHN

Farmer John lived on a once quiet rural highway on which the traffic had built up at an alarming rate. It had got so heavy and so fast that his free-range chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So Farmer John called the local police station to complain: "You´ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don´t care. Just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the policeman had the workers go out and erect a sign that said: "Slow! School Crossing!"

Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You´ve still got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go even faster!"

So again the policeman sent out the workers and they put up a new sign: "Slow! Children at Play!"

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally he said to the policeman, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The policeman said, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him off his back.

The cop got no more calls from Farmer John.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the better of the copper and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How´s the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did," replied Farmer John, "and not one chicken has been killed since then. I´ve got to go. I´m very busy." He hung up the phone.

The policeman was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I´d better go out there and take a look at that sign. It might be something that we could use to slow down drivers…."

So he drove out to John´s farm house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of plywood:

FOR ST. PATRICK´S DAY, SOME IRISH JOKES

The doctor was puzzled. "I´m very sorry, Mr. O´Flaherty, but I can´t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink."

"Don´t worry about it, Dr. Cullen. I´ll come back when you´re sober."

"What´s wrong with Murphy?" asked Father Green.

"I don´t know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn´t stirred since," said Mrs Murphy.

"How far is it to the next village?" asked the American tourist.

"It´s about seven miles," guessed the farmer. "But it´s only five if you run!"

"I´d like some nails," Mick requested of the travelling tinker.

"How long would you like them?" asked the man.

"Forever, if that´s all right with you," said Mick.

"I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!"

"Hello, Mary. How´s your new false teeth?" asked Bridget.

"I´m leaving them out till I get used to them!" said Mary.

At the Irish wedding reception the D.J. yelled, "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway forwards this link to a series of 10-second videos of awesome people and amazing animals:

Bruce also recommends this video of forty students from the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance who took a classical approach to the flashmob as they flashwaltzed Tchaikovsky´s Waltz of the Flowers at a hospital in Jerusalem. Doctors, patients, and passers-by joined in the fun:

Carol Hansen sends the URL for a video of photographers capturing pictures of the exotic birds of paradise that exist only on the island of New Guinea:

Carol also suggests this video for the story of a man who after nine heart surgeries, gave up on taking 15 medications a day and devoted his life to teaching music to children:

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this link to a very funny video of a gibbon teasing tigers:

Catherine also asks that you watch this powerful video and pass it on to others. Every time it is watched, money is donated to ensure that girls will be given the education currently denied them:

Irene Harvalias sends the URL for a video of a sensuous acrobatic dance by two members of the Cirque du Soleil that is truly beautiful:

Joy Coetzee sent me a number of pictures of Matteo Walch with his marmot friends, and I found this video on YouTube which tells the story:

Kakenya Ntaiya refused to accept the continued oppression of women in her Maasai village - so she built a school that´s shifting gender expectations in her community:

To help you with a vehicle purchase or to plan your household budget, CAA has introduced the Driving Costs Calculator, a free online tool that allows you to calculate the real cost of owning and operating a vehicle. The tool takes into account fuel and insurance costs, as well as maintenance, depreciation, and even greenhouse gas emissions. Electric vehicle owners can learn their yearly energy costs:

"Desertification is a fancy word for land that is turning to desert," begins Allan Savory in this quietly powerful talk. And it´s happening to about two-thirds of the world´s grasslands, accelerating climate change and causing traditional grazing societies to descend into social chaos. Savory has devoted his life to stopping it. He now believes - and his work so far shows - that a surprising factor can protect grasslands and even reclaim degraded land that was once desert:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to