When I was a kid, my favorite holiday was definitely Halloween. All my classmates would wear their costumes to school, but not me. I put mine on in the girl's bathroom--excuse me, "restroom," because that's where the kindergarteners took their naps. I dressed up as a mummy each and every year. Just wrap 'er up! That way, I could provide a year's worth of toilet paper to the whole entire family.
For Christmas, most people have turkey or ham. We, on the other hand, had goose. In keeping with the holiday, my dad used a nutcracker to stangle it at Greenlake!
My least favorite holiday was probably Easter. We were only allowed one color to dye our eggs with, and that was white.
Last year, I went to one of those Seattle-area haunted houses. It was pretty lame for the most part, unfortunately. There was one room that was completely pitch-black, and the guy in front of me got turned around and started feeling me, and he asked, "Is this a door?" I answered him, "No, it's a WOMAN, and you're groping me!" Then I reached out toward him and asked, "Is this a doorknob?"
Anyway, THAT was the best part.
I was invited to a Halloween party recently, and a woman in attendance announced to one and all that she had had her clitoris pierced! Shocking, I know, me being invited to the party, but bear with me. So I asked the obvious question: "WHY?" And she answered, "I'm a very sexual being, and I can obtain orgasm just by walking." I told her, "I get the same effect with really tight jeans and a full bladder!"
You know, those jeans so tight you need to use needle-nose pliers to zip up.
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