Polite Scripts for Telemarketing Targets

Being polite has the advantage that the scum doesn't get a tip-off to quickly go on to the next victim.

Ask about their business, including how long people work there. Mention that there are a lot of telemarketing companies who:

• Pay near-minimum wage and make lavish promises of commissions.
• Tell their employees to say they are employees of their customers.
• Set up shop in poor working conditions. (In Switzerland, it is a requirement of law that every office worker has a window.)
• Set up shop in locations where they expect workers won't feel morally obligated to report violations of the law of their employers to the FCC. Especially after they leave the company.

Ask them not to read from a script because you wish to talk to a person; not a machine.

When they make a statement such as "we're covered by regulations", ask them which competitor isn't covered by the same laws.

Business Scripts

Doing something at work means that you could always get caught. The truth is the best excuse - you were simply making it difficult for a telemarketer to use the firm's phones. But be careful. It's the job of a salesperson to use any excuse to get through and a complaint against you is an ideal excuse.

terminal hold

Transfer Hell #1

start with an explaination that you believe the company needs the product. Then try to locate the purson in charge of the purchase. After an appropriate wait explain that the reason you couldn't find her is that she is on extended leave and will get back in a couple of weeks. Give them her proper phone number (the fax machine). If you're lucky, they will put this in a predictive dialer, thus eliminating your number entirely from their master list.

Transfer Hell #2

Same as above but instead of the fax machine choose an employee who never answers their phone. The disadvantage is that the telescum will keep calling back to get the answering machine. The advantage is that the telescum will keep calling back to get the answering machine.

Transfer Hell #3

The fax machine.

Jobsworth #1

Ask for anything that is business related but totally irrelavent. Like a copy of the FCC tariffs for a long distance carrier. Or a Material Data Safety Sheet (MDSS) for the "product" that they're selling - especially good if the product is really a service. Talk in jargon.

Jobsworth #2

Transfer the caller to different people. Then pick up the phone saying you're them.

Jobsworth #3

State that the purchasing agent is finally in, and that you'll connect them, but they'll have to wait because it's time for your coffee break.

site first posted November 3, 1996
rev October 9, 2007 This page copyright 1998, S. Protigal

Seattle Community Network
SCN Member Pages