The latest form of telemarketing isn't a true form of outbound telemarketing at all. "Push" selling involves customer service issues being resolved by including a sales pitch. (Except for some reason many companies don't like to use the word "service".)

You (the caller) want a problem resolved. Now that they have your attention, they divert to sales pitches.

The Strategy

The strategy is in some ways different.

It's usually to your advantage to quickly defer the sales pitch to the end of the call.

To the extent that they can pre-identify the caller, there's an advantage to indicate a long term interest in their garbage. (Just not now.)

Unlike conventional telemarketing, you don't always want to be blacklisted.

Decide quickly whether there's an advantage to show an interest.

The strategy is in some ways the same.

Express an interest in their garbage.

Consume time and let them know how interested you are (after they solve your problem, of course.

"Terminal hold" strategies still work, but should be done with moderation. (i.e., you probably don't want to break your 25 minute record with someone who controls your account. But there's nothing wrong with simply being busy and consuming time.)

Don't input an account number unless you have to. For the most part, uninput accounts get favoured treatment!

Your Problems First, Always

Always insist that they address your issues first. Don't let them manipulate you on this one.

Request Honesty

Regardless of the circumstances, insist that the person on the other end be honest. If they say they "want to know if they can access your account for..." tell them that if the purpose is really for sales purposes, they should say so. There's a difference between purported minimum compliance with the law and honesty. Regardless of instructions, honesty would be appreciated.

The direct purpose of you call is presumably customer service, so they already know why you called!

Filtered Calls

Filtering calls according to user is still mostly a theory, but..

When You Need to Show an Interest

The only reason to tell them you are interested is:

1. if you can't get through without first providing your account number and
2. you think the account number controls personal service and
3. you expect that personal service is optional on their part.

In most cases the difference between Golden Sucker customers and Ordinary Mark customers is nil. The credit card companies have been trying for years to sort customers, but the reality of the situation is they will almost always limit their service. It's a lot more effective to explore which combination of "option" buttons get the quickest service. (Sometimes no button is best!)

In those businesses where good customer service can be expected to yield heady returns, such as cellular phones, we typically see poor customer service. So the reality is that the best customers still get treated like so much garbage.

Showing an Interest

If being an easy "mark" is at all necessary, you need only be "on record" as showing an interest.

While there are some businesses which insert sales pitches on all calls, some are channelling callers through their automated system in accordance with a predicted response. Fortunately the data they use includes a high percentage of garbage. Three items are:

1. the length of the call
2. indicia of customer willingness
3. past sales

You're not going to give them #3. Fortunately an indicia of customer willingness (#2) can be a simple statement. "I am considering it." Certainly you have to compare prices, etc. but the point is that a meaningless statement will be registered as "interest" even if followed by "good bye."

So the idea is to make a very simple statement of interest.

"Indicia of willingness" to consider an offer is not going to be a judgement call on the part of the operator. It's a simple keystroke. If you say you are considering the offer then they will click their little button. They don't get paid to think it out.

Fake Problems

If you feel that the purpose of the customer service problem was manipulation, ask customer service to address an additional issue. This could be anything from interest rates to general information. After all, if they have time to talk about crapola, they have time to help you.

Standard Mantras

The key is to insist on not being manipulated.

"How does that help my problem?"

"It is important that we resolve this problem first."

"If it's company policy, please fire me, but please help me with the problem first."

"What does that have to do with the problem?"

It's beginning to look like there's a pattern here!

"I'm considering the offer, but never had a chance to price shop."

(Start over again, with your statement of the problem.)

If someone supposedly offering service jumps into a sales pitch prematurely, it's a safe bet they never heard the original question. Repeating the problem gives you the opportunity to make sure they got it right. Consider that you were probably talking too fast the first time, since the operator presumed that they already understood the issue before talking about something else.

(especially for public utilities) "I'd appreciate it if you'd be more honest in asking your questions."

If they're asking if they can "look up account information to help you", they're not doing it to help you. They already have all of the information in front of them. This tactic was developed by some local dialtone providers in response to regulations on sales pitches. Rather than complying, the companies just instruct their people to ask misleading questions.

"I'm surprised they're able to find employees willing to go along with this. It would be nice if the company would adapt an ethics policy."

Ask questions

...especially stupid ones. Remember every question is a stupid one when it comes to answering a sales pitch! Have fun!

If a sales pitch is disguised as a question, respond in kind.

If they're asking you questions about their hypes, it's just an attempt to manipulate you into being defensive.

One good response is to ask "What is the purpose of the question." But expect to have to repeat that one a couple of times, because the first answer will be something that starts with, "I just want to ..." (as in, "I just want to see if you're stupid enough to answer a question about a sales promotion.")

Answer their questions with something off-the-wall, and then insist that they answer it.

Expect a non-answer if you ask anything pertaining to their script. The typical answer is also in their script: "I just wanted to know [the same question]." (If it begins with "I wanted", it's in their script.)

site first posted November 3, 1996; this page 8-2002
rev October 9, 2007 This page copyright 2002 by the authors
This website can be found by searching for "The Telemarketing Scum Page" on a search engine.

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