Have you heard of the Nigglie? That's those little irritations that niggle you throughout the day, such as those new "vandle-proof" toilet paper dispensers that snap open when you pull out some tissue and the roll slips out and into the toilet. Well, the subversive nigglie is your chance to niggle someone else. The following is a compilation of subersive nigglies.

  1. Tell the endings of movies.
  2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot.
  3. Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you.
  4. Rubberneck.
  5. Signal left; turn right.
  6. Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
  7. Be "in conference" all the time.
  8. Leave pages in the copier.
  9. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
  10. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
  11. Drum your fingers during other people's presentations.
  12. Bring 15 things into the dressing room.
  13. Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane.
  14. Fart in cramped places.
  15. Bite your dentist's finger.
  16. Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
  17. Touch strangers.
  18. See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window.
  19. Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
  20. Read over other people's shoulders on the bus.
  21. Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces.
  22. Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation.
  23. Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in.
  24. Wear large hats during the movies.
  25. Pee in the swimming pool.
  26. Tell teenagers how things were in your day.
  27. When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you.
  28. Practice the art of limp handshakes.
  29. Open umbrellas in crowded hallways.
  30. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
  31. Pay tolls with $100 bills.
  32. Give the kids clothes for their birthdays.
  33. Sniffle a lot.
  34. Leave the toilet seat up.
  35. Drive 50 mph in the passing lane.
  36. Ask people what they paid for their clothes.
  37. Pinch your spouse's love handles.
  38. Don't sign your checks.
  39. Develop a convenient memory.
  40. Remind people that their freckles could be cancerous.
  41. Tailgate the elderly.
  42. Don't dot your i's or cross your t's.
    NOTE: I have two i's in my name so I can cross my i's.
  43. Leave the concert during the solo or before the clapping starts.
  44. Blow out other people's birthday candles.
  45. Don't leave a message at the beep.
  46. Dress 15 years younger.
  47. Lean on the doorbell.
  48. Bark orders.
  49. Assume everybody agrees with you, but keep trying to convince them.
  50. Touch the paintings at the museum.
  51. Toss pants with tissues in the pockets into the washing machine.
  52. Remember that your teenager is under 12 when buying tickets or paying fares.
  53. Gamble with the rent money.
  54. Tell people they are in your will even if they aren't.
  55. Nurture conspiracy theories.
  56. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
  57. Every umbrella is yours.
  58. Remind people who lose their job that they probably should have worked harder.
  59. Prophesy woe, financial chaos, and domination by Japan.
  60. Ask her if the diamond ring is real.
  61. Try the expert trail the day you first put on skis.
  62. Scratch your pits whenever you want.
  63. Answer a question with a question.
  64. See what it takes to get the lifeguard to blow the whistle.
    NOTE: What's a "lifeguard"?
  65. Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures.
  66. Clean your fingernails at the dinner table.
  67. Make jokes about terrorists at the boarding gate.
  68. Balance the checkbook every six months or so.
  69. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
  70. Say "like" at the end of sentences, like.
  71. Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
  72. Buy it, wear it, return it.
  73. Tell people they have bad breath.
  74. Smell smoke often and announce it.
  75. Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet.
  76. Put everyone on speakerphone.
  77. Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
  78. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team.
  79. Pretend you're listening.
  80. Shake with your left hand.
  81. Autograph everything you can get your hands on.
  82. Drum on every available surface.
  83. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  84. Ask 800 operators for dates.
  85. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  86. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
  87. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page and return it.
  88. Set alarms for random times at other people's houses.
  89. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  90. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
  91. Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
  92. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  93. only type in lowercase.
  94. dont use any punctuation either
  95. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
  96. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  97. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
  98. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
  99. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  100. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  101. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  102. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  103. Name your dog "Dog".
  104. Ask people what gender they are.
  105. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  106. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
  107. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  108. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  109. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  110. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
  111. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  112. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  113. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
  114. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
  115. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
    NOTE: First show me to a jubebox with Barry Manilow.
  116. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  117. Never make eye contact.
  118. Never break eye contact.
  119. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and humming loud.
  120. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  121. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
  122. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
  123. Sing along at the opera.
  124. Leave off your zip code.
  125. Post a hard,toread webpage.
  126. Don't Flush.
  127. Talk about the virtues of universal health care over a cigarette.
  128. Spell out "at" in your email address.
  129. When saying your website, stammer through aitch tea em el, colon slash slash, doubleyou doubleyou doubleyou dot.
  130. Smoke a Bahia Gold cigar at McDonalds.
  131. Do a cannon ball into the motel hottub.
  132. Ask the waiter what the free-refill drinks are.
  133. When you get onto a talk radio show say "Thanks for taking my call."
  134. When you get onto a talk radio show say "I'm gonna get right to my point, because I know that your time is limited, so here goes."
  135. Complain about a smoker in the next boat.
  136. When delivering pizza, say "You will tip me won't you?"
  137. Put dead links on your webpage.